


The Belted Doctor

by TKelParis



Series: The Belted Doctor [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-18
Updated: 2011-05-21
Packaged: 2019-09-25 06:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 52,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17116271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TKelParis/pseuds/TKelParis
Summary: A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Original Note from 2011: I was sending basmathgirl line prompts, and this came to me. At first, I asked her to have at it so I wouldn't be tempted, but she suggested a challenge. This grew out of it, and I find my muse is waking up after a long slumber. Maybe I'll actually finish some stories now!
> 
> Posting to A03 Note: Rife with Americanisms. This was my first DW fanfic. Please keep that in mind.

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Prologue  
  
  
**Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/)**tkel_paris** </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
**Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  


  


  
**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

  
**Original Posting Author's Note:** I was sending <lj user="bas_math_girl"> line prompts, and this came to me. At first, I asked her to have at it so I wouldn't be tempted, but she suggested a challenge. This grew out of it, and I find my muse is waking up after a long slumber. Maybe I'll actually finish some stories now!  
Anyway, this inaugurates me into the world of Doctor Who, of which I like a particular corner... Hope this makes people laugh.  
  
  
**LJ Posting Author's Note:** Glad to join the [](https://doctor-donna.livejournal.com/profile)[**doctor_donna**](https://doctor-donna.livejournal.com/)   community with this fic! This is my answer to the challenge that our beloved [](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/profile)[**bas_math_girl**](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/)  issued when I begged her to write something. Sweetie, thanks for going over this and helping me get my feet wet with the bits that I'm totally ignorant of. Namely, nearly all of Whovian history that isn't part of New Who. Enjoy!

  
  
  


Coming to awareness after regenerating could come at varying speeds. It all depended on how violent the “death” of his previous incarnation had been. Sometimes The Doctor caught his bearings within a minute of finishing a transformation, and could jump right into a new situation without any aftereffects from the change.

  
But sometimes things took longer. A lot longer.

  
Not that it should've surprised him; he and the TARDIS had survived the Time Lock that would destroy Gallifrey (and hopefully, the Daleks, as well) – which he wasn't expecting. Romana was right; he must have many more people and planets to save.

  
Bloody hell.

  
It wasn't until he'd landed on Earth, sometime in Common Era year 2005, that he really started to notice the changes that he'd undergone. An Earth mirror showed that he was now a tall man with... Well, he wasn't sure if they were the worst ears he'd ever had, but his voice was decent. Would convey the right authority – which was vital since he was now the highest authority in this universe.

  
Unless the Guardians of Time found a way of returning. He supposed it might happen, but only if things were really turning poorly again.

  
But the biggest change was one he couldn't believe he'd forgotten. Even with the haze of regenerating.

  
He had sent the TARDIS to over 5 billion years in the future since he thought – for reasons that would take up over ten pages to transcribe – would be a good place to take Rose for her first adventure. He felt a need to clean himself a little after dealing with the Nestisine Consciousness, and it would ease his pride at needing to be saved by a slip of an Earth girl. (Because, really, he should have known to keep more attention on where the nearest “possessed” mannequins were.) It had been the source of some of his words after they stopped the threat.

  
He conveniently forgot about all of the times that various companions had to save him from dire circumstances, but those would come back to haunt him. Especially as Rose got herself into more and more problems from simply not listening to him. The relief of having someone other than the TARDIS for company – someone who could walk – was overwhelming the Lonely God, and clouding his thoughts.

  
Although he would need a major ass-kicking to realize that...

  
But back to that particular moment... He had put Rose in a room that his ship felt she would like, and encouraged her to explore it. (He really didn't want to have to monitor her all of the time, and she was yet to earn the right to be in the Control Room by herself.) And so he made it to his special bathroom, went to relieve himself...

  
And came right up against the _other_ thing that Romana had done before they were separated forever...

  
Once he'd woken from being knocked out, Romana had a few things to say. “It will adjust with any regenerations you undergo,” she'd said, in a rush since they were racing against the worst patch of time in either's history. “And it'll let you void yourself without a problem. The TARDIS will take care of the cleaning.”

  
Which was rather impressive when you thought about what it was.

  
“It'll also keep your urges under control.” He'd raised an eyebrow over that, but before he could ask how he wouldn't be weirdly stimulated by the constant contact, Romana explained, “Whenever your hormones are elevated, it will release a chemical into your bloodstream that will neutralize the changes.”

  
A true monk, then, but with something more than praying for divine aid to keep on track. Given that he was now the last Time-Lord, it was what he expected.

  
“You forget how easily your companions have come to love you,” she'd chided him, and The Doctor could hear those words as plainly as when she spoke them. “It can't stop you from getting attached to anyone, but it won't let you make a mistake. Well, not a serious one.”

  
He had looked hard at the Gallifreyan symbols on the front, and frowned. “Lovely,” he had muttered. “It's an Everlast.”

  
Romana had flashed a weird grin. “Well, we must prevent the potent seed of Gallifrey from being spread into the wrong places.”

  
“So I'll be wearing a chastity belt until my last regeneration gives out.”

  
“No.” Another frown, both in his memory of the talk and in that moment of remembering. “I have Seen some of your future. You will father a new race of Time-Lords. With the only woman in the universe strong enough to handle us.”

  
That still sounded like trouble, and his Eight self worried about that, too. “Won't there be a huge que of women of all sorts of species coming my way? This could interfere with saving planets and people!”

  
“Keep this, Doctor.” She'd handed him a small, rolled paper. “Enough of a riddle to keep most from realizing anything. And I suspect you won't be telling anyone.”

  
Not that he had to; it was well-concealed. He grudgingly acknowledged her cleverness in that. But he had one important question: “Say I do find her. How will I know?”

  
“I shared my vision with your TARDIS, and gave her the key. When you find the woman, the key will be bestowed upon her when the TARDIS senses that she is ready to become the mother of a new race of Time-Lords.” Then another thought hit her, and she smiled wryly. “Just try to be gentle with her when it comes off... All those suppressed urges will come back at once.”

  
So there he was. Filled with the potential to create more of his people, but bound within a pelvic prison. “I really wonder if there is such a woman,” he muttered as he stared at the chastity belt. “More like Romana wanted to keep me for herself in cruel way.”

  
Now, he didn't like thinking ill of any companions (especially one that he might as well have been in love with), but he was feeling irritated enough to wish a punching bag with a Dalek pictured on it into existence in the TARDIS' gymnasium. Which he proceeded in pounding vigorously, thinking the whole time, “Exterminate this!"

[Chapter 1: An Embarrassing Moment](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html)


	2. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the goof during the upload. Had to copy this chapter directly from my word processor.

CHAPTER ONE: AN EMBARRASSING MOMENT

Rose was going to the bathroom, talking with Jackie about something. The Doctor really hadn't caught what it was; he was adjusting to his new, younger body and its unique mindset. Besides, saving Earth at Christmas-time was proving to be a tradition. It seemed as though the universe enjoyed conspiring against him during Earth's most popular Christian holiday.

That was enough to distract anybody.

And then the not-snow would start falling soon. He suspected that this little family would be disgusted when he told them what it really was.

But something was nagging him about the time that he spent unconscious. This was the worst part about regenerating, the temporary memory lapses. Sometimes things weren't remembered until much, much later – to his infinite chagrin.

“It's strange to see you with a different face,” Mickey Smith observed, taking the time to openly stare at him now that the danger was completely passed.

The Doctor shrugged, still slightly enjoying his Arthur Dent-like jim-jams. “Well, this is my tenth face and body. A few of my companions saw me through a regeneration, so you're not the first to adjust to seeing a new me.”

The detail of how many hims there had been threw Mickey's already confused mind for another loop. “Yeah, but Rose – if you didn't know any better – hardly seemed phased. Subdued, but hardly phased.”

A shrug. “She saw me change.”

Mickey thought a moment, and sounded somber. “I guess if you've seen Earth's death, things look a little different to you.”

The change in Mickey's demeanor caught the Doctor's attention. “You speak as if that's a bad thing.”

The young man's face turned a bit bitter. “Hey, we were going out and happy before you arrived. Now... she clearly likes you better and thinks nothing of going off with you – and without a word to any of us.”

A man who sees time pass in ways that no normal mortal could learns a lot about how beings with shorter lives perceive things – if he bothered to pay attention. Although, the Doctor knew that he often did things that his companions considered absolutely crazy because of that enormous difference in how the universe seemed. For the first time, he began to wonder how rubbish he really was at recognizing feelings – whether they were his or others.

Which didn't bode well for the whole finding that woman Romana saw... And with that thought, the missing link appeared in a flash. Which brought a flush to his face as a potential problem emerged. “Mickey?” The question was barely audible.

Both eyebrows raised, startled. “Yeah?”

His eyes dropped to the borrowed clothes of some lover of Jackie Tyler. “Who changed my clothes?” The question was rushed, and the Doctor hated the squeak he detected in his voice.

Mickey grinned. “Me.”

Oi. Sometimes his companions really enjoyed his discomfort. And they dared to call him cheeky.

“Didn't like the idea of Rose doing it, and neither did Jackie.” Shadows of negative emotions crossed his face. “Took a little convincing, but she finally relented when I urged her to see if your box had any ideas for helping you. Fat good her checking did in the end, but at least she didn't take any peeks, if that's what you're worried about.”

The Doctor heaved a massive sigh. Oh, thank Rassillion! That was a conversation he didn't want to ever have! Not with someone so young... He supposed a jealous Earth lad had a right to be amused over the situation, so he wouldn't hold it against Mickey.

“Which reminds me,” Mickey added thoughtfully. “Nice pair of boxer-briefs. Can't believe they still fit you after changing.”

“Oh! Um, ah, um, yes. Well, somethings are able to conform to the wearer's changing needs. Nice little detail; saves me some time after transformation.” Oh, did his babbling have to get worse when he was embarrassed? Why couldn't he just be rendered silent?

That odd glint in Micket's eyes said that he suspected there was more to the story than that, but he didn't press it. Clearly, a bright smile coupled with rambling was unconvincing. “Oh, don't worry. I didn't try to take them off. Wasn't eager to see what alien dangling things you might have under there.”

Strange. The Doctor had this vague memory of Jackie's incredulous voice asking, “Anything else he's got two of?” He really wondered what else had happened while he was unconscious.

Well, there was one way to find out, and he had the perfect person to ask. “Mickey, just so I know, how did Rose act while I was out?” The question served a second purpose: helping him reassess his behavior toward Rose, who was plainly not mature enough to be that woman.

Mickey shifted his weight repeatedly as he said, “Well, I tried to get her to focus on getting into the Christmas spirit, to focus on her and me. All she would think about was you and how she felt abandoned.”

Good lord, how thick could this Earth girl be? “I was bloody unconscious! And really, I hadn't told her about regenerating until I knew it was imminent. Why should she feel abandoned?”

“I think it had more to do with those... What did you call them? Pilot fish! And then Earth being in danger.”

Okay... This was not good, The Doctor thought. Rose Tyler clearly felt far more strongly about him than he did – or COULD – about her. More to the point, she lacked other things to be a mate mate to him.

Well, maybe Mickey needed to stick around more. “Listen to me, Mickey Smith.” He kept his voice low; he wasn't quite ready to tell any of this to the women. “I see Rose as a friend. My first one since... I lost my people. That makes her important, but she is JUST a friend in my hearts. I can NEVER be what she needs. Please stick around. Maybe she'll see that you're growing up and are a far better fit for her.”

He had to hope for that. One day, The Doctor and Rose would part ways. He just didn't want to have to force her to leave – which he feared that he might... He wasn't ready to be alone again...


	3. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing this story, my outline didn't include this chapter. But Muse insisted that someone else needed to make an appearance. So this bit was born...

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 2  
  
  
 **Author:**[](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[ **tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/)  , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.  
  
  
 **Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  
  
 **Original Posting Author's note:** When I started writing this story, my outline didn't include this chapter. But Muse insisted that someone else needed to make an appearance. So this bit was born...  
  
  
 **Important LJ Author's Note:** These first few chapters are important background to the Doctor/Donna part. Please bear with me through this and the next chapter. Donna is appearing soon... Also, I give a big salute with this chapter to the memory of the actress who brought Sarah Jane Smith to life. She is greatly missed...

  
[Prologue](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [Chapter 1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html)

  
CHAPTER TWO: THE PAST AND ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS  
  
Once a companion was parted from him, particularly if he had a hand in their leaving, The Doctor never saw them again. Romana was the only exception. Hardly surprising, as she was a Time-Lady.  
  
Until now. A face he'd never expected to see again came back, and he felt sucker-punched.  
  
The only companion other than Romana who he might have loved completely. One who raised an army to free him and even took on a Sontaran by herself – and won. Who also saw him through a regeneration. She might be older now, but Sarah Jane Smith still had that spark about her which he'd always admired.  
  
A spark that Mickey seemed to notice with some admiration (so sometimes Earth lads find older women attractive, he noted curiously), and that had nearly driven Rose insane. Oh, they seemed to be fine with comparing notes on him – that was how Mickey explained it, right? – in the end, but the whole thing about “the Mrs. and the Ex” bothered him. Mickey surely remembered that he'd said how Rose could never be more than a friend!  
  
Seeing K-9 again, and then remaking him, was another unexpected treat. There was something about robots – as humans called them – that could be so extraordinary and yet comforting to a Time-Lord. Few had the ability to truly think, but they could be impressive and vitally important to their owners.  
  
Now it was time to leave, yet again. But the Doctor had to say goodbye properly, the way he didn't the last time. Sarah Jane deserved more honesty and compassion than she had received. Explaining the new K-9 was easy, and he was surprised at how readily she had forgiven him. “You had little choice, Doctor,” she said. “It was too dangerous to take me when you had no idea what the Time-Lords wanted.”  
  
Oh, dear... She didn't know. The Doctor knew that she couldn't know, but her words pulled that profound loneliness to the front of his awareness – pushing aside even the company of his current companions. And it clearly shone in his expression; Sarah Jane's eyes widened and a worried expression crossed her face. “What happened, Doctor?”  
  
Part of him hesitated over saying anything. After all, his worries from just after Romana had acted still carried a lot of weight. However, this was a burden that he wished could be shared – at least so there was someone he could vent to every so often. If she were still young, Sarah Jane would HAVE to have been in the running, but that was beyond possibility now. But her past with him, combined with the wisdom she had clearly gained since their last meeting, surely made her a suitable confidant, right?  
  
Decision made, he waved a bit off to a side. “Can you spare a little time to talk? I'll explain... a bit about what's happened since.”  
  
And once they sat down – with K-9 a little distance off – he did. The fate that the Time-Lords inflicted upon him, how that was overturned, a bit about Romana, and then the Time War. The fate of Gallifrey had him choking on his own words (when did he become so sentimental?!), but Sarah Jane surprised him by just reaching for one of his hands and holding it. That contact allowed him to push through, and briefly explain Romana's prophecy.  
  
But not the belt. Given his past feelings, it seemed like a bad idea to mention THAT detail...  
  
Sarah Jane went quiet, thinking about the story she heard – and wondering what all was left out. There was more to Romana's prophecy than he'd admitted to, she was positive about that. But it seemed like a very delicate situation – mentally and emotionally – for the Doctor, which made it difficult for her to think of anything to say. But something needed to be said.  
  
And he guessed that she suspected he was withholding some details. Sarah Jane was always a brilliant woman, and time had not dulled her intellect – or instincts.  
  
Several long minutes of silence passed between them, broken only when they heard Rose calling for him. Mickey's voice floated along, trying to calm her down.  
  
The Doctor sighed heavily. His face fell into his hands – as Sarah Jane released them once they heard the voices – as he wondered what could possibly go wrong next.  
  
It still didn't occur to him that “what could go wrong” was the last thing anyone should ever ask. Especially a Time-Lord with a tendency to find trouble...  
  
A whisper drifted to his ear. “She's not the One.”  
  
He looked at Sarah Jane, and realized she had spoken. Her words hit a chord in him, jarring his sense of stability within his traveling, running life. And she saw enough – despite all of their time apart – to know that he knew it was the truth. She had known him well enough to sense those distinctions in his expressions.  
  
A sad, gentle smile crossed her face. Trying to say in a kind way something that was anything but. She added, just as quietly, “And she never will be, even if she matures into a grown-up.”  
  
If. It reminded him of how much certain things weren't fixed in the universe. People didn't always move past childhood or adolescence. Adolescents, he had noted over the years, tended to be the most self-absorbed people in the universe, and had no comprehension of their own mortality – unless pushed right up against it. And Rose Tyler, while still young enough to change, wasn't making him feel confident that she would.  
  
After all, she had faced almost certain death multiple times. Yet it didn't seem to phase her, as she appeared convinced that he would save her. Her behavior while possessed by the anomaly called the Bad Wolf was terrifying enough...  
  
And that was very worrisome, indeed... Never mind that her understanding of time-lines was practically non-existent (that little adventure in meeting her father had nearly convinced the Doctor to dump Rose back with her mother).  
  
“No,” he finally answered. It pained him to say it, but it was vital. “She isn't. And never could be...”  
  
Now, how the hell would he explain this to Rose? That her time was limited with him? More to the point, that she was becoming impossible to be around?  
  
“What if you show her what the others were like? Maybe that will push things to where they need to be for you to find this woman. Whoever she is, it sounds like she'll encourage you to be your best. Does Rose do that for you?”  
  
Yep. It took an old friend – an almost lover – to put things into perspective. Yes, Rose had lifted a lot of the darkness from his spirit, but couldn't any friend have done that? Her method seemed to involve youthful enthusiasm and energy – mixed with reminders of the Time-Lords' worst traits that just happened to be part of her personality.  
  
But things were clearer now. He had to push Rose Tyler out of his life somehow.  
  
The problem was how to do it without hurting others too much. Mickey and Jackie would bear the brunt of Rose's anger, and neither deserved it. Jackie... Well, she was your typical human who didn't know what to think of him, but she was devoted to her daughter – who, he was beginning to realize, didn't think much of her before going off with a strange alien. As for Mickey... He was growing past Rose, even if he didn't see it yet. He had to introduce him to others. Maybe seeing someone getting over her might help things...  
  
He had no idea that it would prove next to impossible to deliberately push Rose away. Or that it would be something out of his control that pulled her out of his life.  
  
  
[Chapter 3: Parting with Problematic Particulars](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html)


	4. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to keep this one short. Of course, it's not sweet for the Doctor... He's got some problems to deal with...

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 3  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

  
**Original Posting Note:** Decided to keep this one short. Of course, it's not sweet for the Doctor... He's got some problems to deal with...  
  
  
 **LJ Posting Note** : Say, "bye-bye," Rose Tyler... And Doctor, say hello to a massive bout of guilt - which you're going to be slapped out of next chapter...

  
[Prologue](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) /  [Chapter 1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [Chapter 2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html)

  
CHAPTER THREE: PARTING WITH PROBLEMATIC PARTICULARS  
  
Should I do this? Burn a sun to say goodbye to someone who thought very little of leaving her mother with an alternate of her late father? Someone who – when we temporarily lost the TARDIS – practically demanded we get a house together?  
  
The Doctor felt as conflicted about this as he did when Rose wanted to visit her father. Of course, the latter situation was far more dangerous to the time-lines – not to mention them both, or himself as things had turned out. In the end, he'd let himself be swayed by Rose's enthusiasm and (childish) pouting.  
  
Really, pouting was so trite and infantile, he thought. I wish I could've stuck to a “No” for an answer.  
  
It didn't occur to him that regeneration was a master of pouting. Someone had yet to explain the concept of “puppy-dog eyes” to him.  
  
Still, having seen Sarah Jane again, he didn't like not trying to create closure for his companions. He finally went ahead with it – choosing a sun already dying, and without any planets to hurt. And hoped that it worked the way he wanted it to.  
  
When she finally appeared at the point where his hologram was shining to, he tried to check on how she was doing first, to gauge how to say his goodbye. What he forgot was how Rose could dominate a conversation. Youthful energy always got to him in his old age, for he was already an old man when he first came to Earth – and that instinctual human curiosity had always been infectious.  
  
When she mentioned Torchwood and how she “might know a thing or two about fighting aliens,” he felt it was best to not comment at all. Lest he make an indirect remark on what he really thought of her ability to fight aliens – rather rubbish. Instead, he had to interject as much as he could. “This is goodbye, forever.”  
  
That clearly shook her to the core of her being. “But-”  
  
He couldn't let her speak; this has to be said since he had no clue how she had come to fall for him and push Mickey aside. “To keep the multiverses safe now, each universe must remain closed off from all the others. Don't even try to come back; you could tear holes in the fabric of time itself. I could even die.”  
  
Well, he wasn't sure about that last part, but it seemed like a good way to get her cooperation. He certainly hoped that the horror he saw in her face had reached her conscience and would allow her to eventually cope.  
  
All she did was cry harder. “I wish I could've stayed with you. I love you.”  
  
The Doctor felt his hearts sink into his stomach, dragging his lungs down with them. I'm an idiot. A completely rubbish with ANY feelings idiot. Oh, Rassilon, if only I'd realized sooner...  
Those were the Doctor's thoughts just before the connection with Bad Wolf Bay cut out. It left him only able to say to Rose, after a few  
attempts to get words out, “I'm sorry, Rose. We weren't meant to be.”  
  
If only I'd had more time, I would've tried to explain that while I did care deeply about her and her safety, I was never in love with her. I would've tried to explain further on why she had to let go and move on.  
  
Later, he would also wish he could have apologized to Mickey for sticking him with Rose, and wished that the promising young human could have stayed in this universe.  
  
The TARDIS was mercifully silent, letting him face his jumbled thoughts and those pesky feelings that went with them. And there were a lot to shift through.  
  
What did I do? What could I have done differently? Why didn't I pull myself up and face my fears about being alone back as my ninth self? If I had, Rose would surely be happier now – and maybe not in love with me.  
  
Then that annoying thing where time-lines become clearer than shined crystal shoved themselves into his conscious mind. If he had done that, Mickey Smith might not have grown up. The baby that Jackie Tyler was carrying wouldn't exist. And he himself might have died at the Game Station.  
  
His hearts felt heavier as he realized the truth. It all had to be this way, for the safety of the multiverses.  
  
But what about me, he cried in his mind. Is Romana wrong, and I'm destined to walk alone for the rest of my regenerations?! The universe must hate me! Giving me companions who fall for me when I could never return their feelings, taking away those I do or could love, turning the Time-Lords into vicious blood-lusting warmongers, and forcing me to help send Gallifrey into a Time-Lock to protect the universe. I can't deal with something like Rose's situation again! What reason do I have to carry on...?  
  
He would have stayed sulking, brooding and falling into a severe depression for days, maybe weeks. Except the universe had other plans for him. In the form of a mysterious bride appearing in the TARDIS and shouting at him... giving him one very rude awakening.  
  
  
[Chapter 4: Slaps, Biodamping, and Other Strange Feelings](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html)


	5. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was quite a bit of fun to write. To post it here, I went back and adjusted a few lines to reflect some things I realized I'd overlooked when I posted to FF.N weeks ago. Don't fret: Donna will be back soon. Someone else just needs to read the Doctor the riot act first... Anyway... Do enjoy!

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 4  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.  


  
**Author's Note:** This chapter was quite a bit of fun to write. To post it here, I went back and adjusted a few lines to reflect some things I realized I'd overlooked when I posted to FF.N weeks ago. Don't fret: Donna will be back soon. Someone else just needs to read the Doctor the riot act first... Anyway... Do enjoy!  


  
  
[Prologue](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [Chapter 1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [Chapter 2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [Chapter 3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html)

  
  
CHAPTER FOUR: SLAPS, BIODAMPING, AND OTHER STRANGE FEELINGS  
  
The last thing the Doctor expected to see was a brash, ginger, human bride in the Control Room. He couldn't begin to figure out the how or why of her appearance before Donna Noble slapped him.  
  
The shock was physical as well as psychological. He couldn't remember being slapped. _Ever_. Not even by his parents or his teachers. Gallifreyans had other, harsher punishments to inflict on children when they misbehaved – none of which the Doctor liked to remember. (Okay, family members of companions had done it, but from someone he'd only just met and wasn't connected to any companion? That was a first.) However, this scared Earth woman – it took him a while, but he finally guessed that a great deal of fear must have driven the actions – did it yet again later!  
  
But, no matter how much he wanted to remain offended, to slip off into his dark thoughts, The Doctor had to figure out this mystery. What could make a human woman disappear from her own wedding and suddenly appear inside the TARDIS? Especially when it was so far away in space and time?!  
  
The answers slowly came, and they were worse than he had imagined. Another old enemy was trying to return, and he'd had no clue that they had harbored themselves inside the Earth for all of its history. Then the fiance proved to be in cahoots with the Empress, and had never cared for Donna at all, manipulating this emotionally delicate woman – even making her let go of a beloved dog for his sake.  
  
It was all too much for the Doctor, seeing someone so poorly used. And he knew that it was equally bad for Donna – just in different ways. He'd heard enough about Earth customs to know that today was supposed to be the best day of Donna's life so far, and she had been cruelly deceived – even by herself in her lack of self-confidence.  
  
He had little time to think about it as he fought to save her and Earth. After he slightly bungled the “vine” rescue (which proved that not only was he was rubbish at guessing a woman's weight, but he'd been around skinny people too long), his focus was solely on the Empress, who had brought all of this upon herself by refusing his offer of help. So he unleashed the full fury that the water of the Themes could deliver on her and her children. Every depressing thought, every sense that he had nothing left to lose consumed him, for it seemed plain that Romana was very wrong – and merely jealous.  
  
Until a scream pierced his thoughts. “Doctor! You can stop now!”  
  
It was Donna, nearly frightened out of her mind and yet _still_ trying to step between him and danger. And she had reached him even through the throes of near suicidal thoughts.  
  
Once they were safely on the roof, soaked to their skins as they watched UNIT destroy the ship, the Doctor wondered how she had been able to get through to him even amidst the darkness noise within his mind. Or why he felt vaguely unhappy to let her out of his arms. He'd only just met her! And yet, like he always had, he'd needed to protect someone who “dropped” into his life under unhappy conditions.  
  
But he knew that Lance was wrong about her. A shallow woman wouldn't have stepped between an army of pilot fish robots and a strange alien man who she'd earlier accused of kidnapping her. She wouldn't have had compassion for the Empress as the babies who would have eaten her – and did eat her wicked fiance – were destroyed. She wouldn't have shared in the awe of seeing Earth being born even during her own emotional turmoil. And she wouldn't have managed to keep a calm dignity worthy of a Time-Lady in the aftermath of such nasty duplicity.  
  
Who was this woman from Chiswick, he wondered, and how can she have made me so easily discombobulated? Those slaps alone snapped me out of my darkness!  
  
While they stayed on the roof, drying off (he eventually gave up his jacket when she started shivering), he found himself talking about the everyday life on Gallifrey. He had never focused his mind on the mundane aspects of his homeworld, but somehow it seemed right to tell her about what he could remember. He prompted her to describe her life, and got to hear about her family (her mother he wished he could have words with over her treatment of Donna, but he sensed that he would like her father and grandfather). They continued this aimless talking – he even described the suns-rise and suns-set on Gallifrey, which enraptured her – till long after the sun came up, drying them further.  
  
At some point, the Doctor remembered that he needed to get the Huon particles out of Donna, and was glad that there was a painless way in his pocket. Afterward, he knew he should've choked upon seeing its shape (with his history, he was stunned that he hadn't even blinked over it), but it would do its job without attracting attention. He also wasn't sure what possessed him to say, “With this ring, I thee biodamp,” but the smile it drew from Donna – a shy, tentative one – drew an answering soft one from him.  
  
He really didn't understand anything he was feeling around her, but he just knew that she could be magnificent. And he wanted very much to help her realize her potential.  
  
Except she said no.  
  
Even after he made it snow for her. Even after he came back and surprised her by bringing her dog home. He really didn't understand why he hunted through his awareness of time-lines to make sure what he was doing was safe, but the grateful smile made the annoying hassle seem worth it. Even her dog seemed to soften toward him in the end.  
  
The most amazing thing about her, though? She'd made him promise that he would find someone to be there for him. To stop him from going too far in the future. That alone, that ability to care and have compassion for a total stranger, proved how wrong Lance was about her. How much he had lost by siding with an evil alien.  
  
But it didn't take the sting away fully. She had said no because she was scared. And he'd never really thought about whether he frightened his companions. He knew that whenever his “alien” nature reared its head, his human companions had all reacted negatively – to varying degrees. But outright fear? That was a new one for him.  
  
Still, he returned to the vortex with a growing smile. Donna Noble might not have gone with him, but she gave him a precious gift: the reminder that life goes on, and that the hardest difficulties could be handled in the end. That gave him hope for himself, and allowed him to forget about his curse. Instead, he left Chiswick with a whispered thought: “Thank you, Donna Noble. Be as magnificent as possible.”  
  
Although those strange feelings would continue to haunt him whenever he wasn't focused...  
  
  
[Chapter 5: Another Doctor's Perspective](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2350.html)


	6. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From everything I've gathered about how the Doctor treated Martha, I so wanted her to read him the riot act. This chapter was born from that, and it kind of feeds into the rest of the story. If you've ever wanted her to give him a comeuppance, this is for you!

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 5  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/)  , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

  
Author's Note: From everything I've gathered about how the Doctor treated Martha, I so wanted her to read him the riot act. This chapter was born from that, and it kind of feeds into the rest of the story. If you've ever wanted her to give him a comeuppance, this is for you!  


  


  
  
[Prologue](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [Chapter 1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [Chapter 2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [Chapter 3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html) / [Chapter 4](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html)  
  
  
CHAPTER FIVE: ANOTHER DOCTOR'S PERSPECTIVE  
  
Martha Jones had never been the type to fall irrationally in love. It was always something kinda predictable and even safe. Her sister and mother sometimes wondered if it was because she was guarding herself against the chaos that emerged in her family.  
  
Figures that her pattern would break under the worst circumstances... Some athlete or a humanitarian breaking her heart, that she might have guessed could happen. An alien who didn't realize how his own facial expressions could be interpreted at times?  
  
Good god, she definitely needed to get out and back into the world.  
  
Of course, she could always remember one nice thing about traveling with the Doctor. She knew the truth about Shakespeare's Dark Lady. That would keep her smiling for a long time...  
  
She got out everything that needed saying: why she was leaving, and that she wished him well. She was rather impressed that she managed to smile so much. She wondered briefly if she'd taken after him in that way.  
  
As she was leaving – for the last time – it dawned on Martha that someone else might stumble into the same trap that she did: falling for a lonely man who'd lost someone he said was a dear friend, and whose memory he seemed to keep close. She supposed that it hadn't helped her that the Doctor seemed very conflicted whenever a mere mention of Rose even came near a conversation. The man needs a few home truths, she decided.  
  
She took a great deal of pleasure from the look on his face as he realized that someone else was leaving him – although she'd never admit it to him (but she might eventually tell another companion, should she run into one who wasn't a zealous defender of his “virtues”). Now it was time – huh, now there was a word that she could never hear or look at the same way again – to completely shock him.  
  
“You know what? Do your next companions a favor and restrain your facial expressions. Not to mention what you say.”  
  
That pulled him out of the stupor that saying she was leaving put him into. “What? Why?”  
  
Martha couldn't help but laugh out loud as a few more things became crystal clear about the Doctor. “You mean, you don't realize that when you asked me to come with you, you were practically giving me a flirty 'come hither' look?”  
  
The Doctor's jaw nearly unhinged.  
  
“And did you ever really apologize for the kiss you planted on me at the hospital – or even warn me about what it was for? No! Did it occur to you what being stuck supporting you in 1969 did to my mind and my feelings? Or hiding in 1913 and looking out for a hidden you? Oh, and remembering what it was like to walk the world alone for your sake?! Do you ever bother to even stop and think bout the things you ask of us and how we might deal with them?”  
  
He couldn't make his vocal chords work. Not even his fingers would move.  
  
Another laugh, this time disbelieving escaped her. “Oh, my God! You're completely clueless about feelings – others and your own! I can only imagine how much this messed with Rose's head.”  
  
Had he nearly recovered the ability to speak, that last part would've make him choke on his words. As it was, he felt his breathing stop.  
  
Martha sighed heavily. “I hope the next one isn't so easily swayed. Oh, it'd be such poetic justice for you to fall completely, head over feet, nutters for someone who isn't immediately under your influence and is even able to continue resisting it! I've never wished such hurt on anyone, but I think it might be exactly what you need and I even kind of wish I could see it!”  
  
It occurred to her that she'd never seen him so still. Wow, I must've shocked him good. My job is done then. “Well, best be off now. Try to not get into too much trouble, okay?”  
  
And with a wave, she left. As she walked away from the TARDIS, Martha Jones – although her heart felt heavy over leaving the person she loved and for inflicting pain on him – felt like she could conquer anything. She only hoped that he would learn the lesson she tried to teach him...  
  
Meanwhile, the Doctor tried to recover his ability to think – let alone move. It took quite a lot longer than he was comfortable with. Me, a flirt? He reached though his memories of the journeys since the Time-War, trying to understand where Martha's accusation came from. Jack Harkness, every gender's man, was a flirt. Casanova was perhaps the greatest flirt in Earth's history. But me? I'm not a flirt! Not in the slightest!  
  
And then it dawned on him how observant Martha could be. As a training physician, she had to be able to read through the lines of patients' stories, and be able to tell when they were withholding potentially vital information out of some personal reason. Suddenly, the weight of her words hit, especially the part about Rose.  
  
Oh, no... His hands whipped to his head and grabbed his hair, nearly pulling a good chunk out. Oh, no... If I'd had the slightest clue, I could've changed my behavior around Rose. It might've encouraged her to move on, and even leave of her own free will.  
  
It dawned on him that he had no idea whether his awkward words at Bad Wolf Bay got through to her distraught, desperate mind. All because this incarnation is a natural flirt, he realized, and I didn't know.  
  
He sent the TARDIS into the vortex, and mentally prepared for a few rounds with the Dalek punching bag. A sort of reversion to his last self, but it worked. He usually condemned the use of violence and guns, but there was nothing like an aggressive, angry workout to become functional after a giant bout of Time-Lord sized self-flagellation.  
  
Of course, the universe had a better way of lifting him out of it. A spaceship with the worst name ever...

  
  
  
[Chapter 6: I Can't Believe It's You Again!](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2603.html)


	7. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was looking forward to writing this one from the moment I started writing the story. Muse tried to make me write more back when I posted it on FF.N, but I side-stepped her to keep this in the tone of the rest of the story. However, I recently recorded an (incomplete) airing of "Partners in Crime" and Muse had some additions to make. Hope you like!

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 6  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.  


  
  
**Author's Note:** I was looking forward to writing this one from the moment I started writing the story. Muse tried to make me write more back when I posted it on FF.N, but I side-stepped her to keep this in the tone of the rest of the story. However, I recently recorded an (incomplete) airing of "Partners in Crime" and Muse had some additions to make. Hope you like!  
  


[Prologue](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [Chapter 1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [Chapter 2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [Chapter 3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html) / [Chapter 4](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html) / [Chapter 5](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2350.html)

  
CHAPTER SIX: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S YOU AGAIN!  
  
Despite the promise he's made to the one person who'd turned him down, well over a year ago, the Doctor found himself wandering alone for a while after Martha left. Had Astrid lived, he would likely have offered her a place on the TARDIS. Would have even made room for her short-lived cyborg fiance had he survived, too. But – and this was the hardest detail of being him – sometimes companions died for the sake of the time-lines and the universe.  
  
Made traveling alone, with just the TARDIS for company, easier. He absolutely hated being a factor in any person's death.  
  
When the TARDIS sensors detected an unauthorized alien presence on Earth, he was ready to do something other than be in the vortex. It was time to play the hero again, he suspected. And from the moment he heard its name, he knew Adipose Industries was behind the threat. It was too much of a coincidence. So he hunted for the source of the problem...  
  
And couldn't believe who else was investigating. Sarah Jane he might have suspected (though he was profoundly grateful she was never in the Matron's grip), but Donna Noble! He wondered later if the sudden, light-headed feeling he got when he saw her through the windows was euphoria; he'd never felt anything quite like it in his 903 years!  
  
As they began their running and catching up, he also couldn't believe that she had soon come to regret her refusal. Sticking around to spend time with a dying father he understood, but a tiny part of him wanted to exclaim, “You couldn't have figured this all out last time and spared me a bunch of problems?!”  
  
Donna would soon explain the concepts of whining, hissy fits, and puppy-dog eyes to him. And he would find himself mortified over the comparisons, and realized just how often he did any of those behaviors. Or being manipulated by such actions. Of course, her being around would put a stop to a lot of that; he wasn't keen on receiving one of her send-you-into-next-month slaps again. They might have lifted him from his depression, but he wasn't into pain for pain's sake.  
  
No matter what the universe thought!  
  
Oh, he nearly lost Donna again, but this time the Doctor was able to safely guess her weight (which later made him wonder just how heavy that dress had been, although he quickly figured out that it was better to never ask). And even with her penchant for talking (which would later – when he unthinkingly mentioned it – earn him a “pot calling the kettle black” retort, along with an indignant slap), she proved amazingly observant of little things – which made the difference in saving a million lives.  
  
His instincts were right. Donna Noble was a very magnificent woman once she had the chance to shine.  
  
Despite an impassioned try, they'd been unable to save the Matron from one of the golden rules of conspiracies. (“Really,” Donna would eventually ask, “do you have to try to save everyone?” Even a woman of immense compassion couldn't help but be concerned over what she called his “Superman” complex.) Donna, unable to watch the woman fall to her death, had startled him by turning into his side and clutching him.  
  
But it had felt – once again – oddly pleasant to have her in his arms. And she smelled rather nice, too.  
  
Funny how, thinking about it all, Rose's scent reminded him of Susan, and Martha's a bit of his first – arranged marriage – wife. Oi, no wonder he was so confused in his actions toward both of them. Scents were powerful things to a Time-Lord. His nose had helped him track many enemies over the centuries.  
  
Of course, the scent of a Time-Lord was also powerful. And why he'd had to hide in the 1910s as a human.  
  
He hadn't realized that Donna was already packed to come with him, her most important things (and by Rassilon, there were a lot of bags – although she would point out the practically multi-story nature of the TARDIS wardrobe in retaliation) in her mum's trunk. The Doctor felt relief knowing that she was still eager, even after their close call that evening, but Martha's words suddenly came back to haunt him. So he felt he had to caution her.  
  
That went about as well as any of his recent ideas regarding companions. He really should have remembered that whole rubbish about feelings part and started with that...  
  
When she practically shouted, “You're not mating with me, Sunshine,” he feared that she was changing her mind, and blurted out, “A friend! Besides, I couldn't mate right now even if I wanted to!”  
  
Oh, Rassilon, did I just say that out loud? From the absolutely shocked expression on Donna's face (really, she wasn't that shocked through the whole of the previous adventure!), he had. Oh, what is it, he silently cried, about this Earth Girl that makes me admit things I swore I'd always – always! – keep to myself?!  
  
While Donna's mouth moved, trying to make a sound but failing miserably, the Doctor was suddenly very afraid that she would change her mind once it was functional again. So he decided, as he had once overheard Jack Harkness say, go for broke. “Look, I'm... absolutely rubbish with recognizing and expressing feelings. It's made the lives of my last companions really difficult when it didn't have to be. They also let me push them aside in many ways, brushing off questions by letting them see just how alien I am. I don't see you letting me get away with that.”  
  
Donna scoffed loudly, clearly recovered enough. “Well, you'd better believe it, Spaceman. Besides, you're a long streak of nothing! Alien nothing!”  
  
Okay, he wasn't keen on that thought (and he couldn't figure out why), but it was better than dealing with blind devotion or hero worship. “Anyway, I want someone who sees me for me, and isn't completely disturbed whenever I do prove that I'm not human.”  
  
Now she seemed puzzled. “Can't imagine how anyone who's been around you could think of you as anything but an alien with a box.”  
  
“See, there! That's what I meant! You're the first human – maybe the first companion ever – to look at me and see past whatever front I'm putting on. I'm not sure I even remember what it's like to have a real friendship, And... I don't know what it is about you, but I've already trusted you with things I've never told anyone else.”  
  
Donna laughed, disbelieving. “Come off it. You have to have told those stories to your past companions.”  
  
“Only the grander stories.”  
  
She paused, and whispered, “Really?”  
  
He nodded. “I never felt like sharing what always seemed... insignificant or mundane. Or rather, so personal. But somehow... it makes sense to share those memories with you. And that's a first for my entire life.”  
  
Donna looked very thoughtful. “Which is what? 100 years?”  
  
The Doctor felt a smile threaten, but he ruthlessly squashed it. Too much at stake here, he thought. “Older.”  
  
Her eyes widened. “200?”  
  
The smile was harder to restrain. “Even older,” he said, amusement creeping into his voice.  
  
She gasped. “What?! You're 500?!”  
  
He finally couldn't suppress a short laugh. “Closer than the other two.”  
  
Donna stepped a bit closer, as if horrifyingly fascinated. “Well, just how many bloody years old are you, anyway?”  
  
How is she going to react, he worried. But... “903.”  
  
She stared even harder, eyes roaming up and down his frame, obviously trying to reconcile in her mind that information with the youthful appearance before her. “How flippin' long does childhood last?!”  
  
He had to think about that for several seconds. It'd been a long time since he'd spared a thought to the finer details of that period of his life. “Eh, that's complicated, and varies depending on one's maturity. Look, could we save that for another conversation when I'm a little more ready to discuss my past?”  
  
Donna was silent for several long moments, which seemed like the longest of the Doctor's life. But she finally shrugged and smiled. “Guess I can deal with all of this. Has to be better than what my life has been like.”  
  
Which he thought was really sad. He silently vowed to help her see just how magnificent she really was someday, somehow. Then he remembered one thing from their last time: the last thing he'd done for her. “What about your dog?”  
  
“Ah, Gramps will take care of him. Not sure it's right to keep him on your ship, and I'm not sure she'd like it, either. I'm guessing things can get pretty exciting when traveling with you.” A big smile grew, showing just how excited she was over getting a second chance. “I mean, I can go, can't I?”  
  
Thoughtful woman. Besides, she would keep him on his toes a lot. He returned the smile. “I think I'm _really_ going to like having you around, Donna Noble.” He wanted to say that he'd love it, but Martha's words were still in his mind.  
  
She was so excited she nearly ran to hug him – until she remembered her mother's keys. Shouting about being back in a moment, he found himself left with all the bags and an open TARDIS. He hesitated, not quite sure what to do, until his ship urged him to just bring in the bags and let Donna handle where to put them.  
  
He couldn't help but note how pleased the TARDIS was to have Donna back. Guess she missed her, too.  
  
He had no idea how smug his ship was feeling. _Only a matter of time_ , she knew...  
  
  
  
[Chapter 7: Awkward... Very Awkward...](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2971.html)


	8. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first posted this to FF.N, I had to add something after [](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/profile)[bas_math_girl](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/)  took a look. I remembered that I'd meant to write something inspired by a certain... limerick... from “Men in Tights.” But I couldn't come up with anything remotely good, so... use your imaginations when you get to that part...

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 7  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/)  , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

  
  
**Author's Note:** When I first posted this to FF.N, I had to add something after [](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/profile)[](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/)**bas_math_girl**   took a look. I remembered that I'd meant to write something inspired by a certain... limerick... from “Men in Tights.” But I couldn't come up with anything remotely good, so... use your imaginations when you get to that part...  
  


[P](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html) / [4](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html) / [5](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2350.html) / [6](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2603.html)

  
CHAPTER SEVEN: AWKWARD... VERY AWKWARD...  
  
Traveling with an almost millennium old alien was both more exciting and more exasperating than Donna had imagined during that year she had searched for the Doctor. All the wonder of the universe, and time was an incredible thing to behold.  
  
But, really, there was a ridiculous amount of running involved. She might have to shop for trainers!  
  
She wished she'd known what lousy sense of exactness this Time-Lord had about making it to a particular place. Aiming for ancient Rome and landing in Pompeii – on Volcano Day of all times?! Although if this experience were anything to go by, there would always be something important for them to do whenever this happened.  
  
She hoped that would prove to be enough consolation for missing what they had been shooting for.  
  
It almost wasn't. When he'd refused to help or even warn anyone, claiming that he couldn't do anything without harming history, Donna had nearly slapped him again. How could anyone with an ounce of caring in their being not try to save those people?  
  
But in that underground chamber, the truth about his refusal became apparent. He was bound by a vow of sorts to protect history, to ensure that the future always happened. That sometimes, it required allowing a horrible event to happen – to let some people die.  
  
It took the discovery of Pyrovillians manipulating Vesuvius for her to realize it, and the horror of the truth about Pompeii's destruction to draw her compassion back to the man who some apparently called The Lonely God. It also took little thought to place her hands over his. This strange but amazing man carried the weight of the universe on his shoulders and was now certain that they were going to die. Wouldn't it be a kindness to at least share some of his heavy burden beforehand?  
  
That they survived seemed a miracle, and that bit of running she would never complain about. She could then accept the overall fate of Pompeii and its people, but she still felt a powerful need to save someone, to give some family a chance to start over.  
  
And he'd not only listened, he'd agreed! What a rush that was, getting what had to be the most set in his ways person she'd ever met to change his mind on something!  
  
She still thought he was being kind by calling her “magnificent,” but she definitely thought better of herself and her abilities after that.  
  
When he told her how clear it was that he really needed someone around to give him a second opinion, Donna wondered what this strange yet amazing alien thought of her. Although a natural flirt (she'd been there, done that, and even had the shirt in her bags), he pretty much acted like being just “mates” was what he wanted. That odd look his eyes occasionally got when looking at her must have been due to the surprise of being challenged so often. In any case, he already treated her better than all of the males she's ever been with put together.  
  
Wasn't gonna tell him that. He didn't need his already swollen ego to expand any further! She probably couldn't stand that!  
  
She'd spent the past year doubting that marriage and having a family of her own would ever happen to her. After all, she hardly looked like the type of woman that men seemed to prefer – and never had. So traveling with a friend who treated her like a equal (while sometimes being a _bit_ over-protective) was a true blessing. Oh, there was sadness as she was basically turning her back on what had been a goal for much of her life, but a woman had to have standards.  
  
Even if hers would likely never be met.  
  
Which, as they returned to the Vortex after Pompeii, reminded her of two questions that had been floating in her mind ever since their wacky “mates” discussion next to her car and outside his box. They were probably going to spend some while in the Vortex to recuperate mentally, so now was probably as good a time as any. He'd better be ready, that's for sure.  
  
“Doctor, meet me in the kitchen in a few minutes. I'd like us to have some tea while I ask you two big questions.”  
  
The respiratory bypass kicked in briefly; the Doctor nearly choked on his breath. As she walked by without giving him a chance to answer, he could see that she was determined to get answers. Which made him internally sigh. He really didn't feel like talking, but the very thought of doing something that drove this companion back home sent very unpleasant shivers through him.  
  
And Donna was plainly the most mature human companion he'd ever had. Might be comparable with Romana...  
  
So he followed her, and – upon seeing the tea brewing – knew that she was softening the blow of asking pointed, personal questions. At least she was trying to be kind, he thought as he sat down and accepted the cup she handed him. It had only taken her one time to note how he liked his tea, and he felt a little bad about not yet remembering how she liked hers. He really needed to memorize that; while he might not like the domestic, such things seemed to be small comforts to Donna, and therefore he needed to adjust accordingly.  
  
At least she was also trying to keep the domestic parts to a minimum around him. Nice change. Almost made them pleasant.  
  
When she sat down with her tea, she started right off. “Okay, Spaceman. How is it that you're over 900 years old and don't look any older than a thirty-something Earth bloke?”  
  
Oi, this Earth woman never asked the easy ones. But not answering or trying to push her off were still not options. So off he went on a crash course of explaining Time-Lord physiology and regeneration. He let her know about how his past regenerations went, which was more than he admitted to Martha – although she got a similar talk. (It had freaked her out until she forced herself to think about something else.) Still, it was far more than any other companion ever heard, and if the play of emotions on Donna's face were what he thought they might be, she finally understood that he'd never shared that much with anyone.  
  
The story included showing images of his past selves, which drove the story home for Donna – although he was a bit miffed over her laughing at his more... flamboyant selves.  
  
Donna, even when laughing at aspects of his past, was in awe. This man had spent so much of his life feeling trapped by his own people's whims and expectations – even as he fought against them – and paid a heavy price physically, mentally, and spiritually. Donna felt that she could relate completely, although she was grateful that no one had ever tried to oppress her that much.  
  
She was silent for quite a while after he finished his summary – with a promise to answer further questions another time. The Doctor was coming to feel that there was something unexpectedly comforting about being able to trust someone enough to share a bit of his past without having to live up to any expectations – or encounter any judgment of his being so different from a human.  
  
Still, he thought, some questions need to be gotten over with. Then he remembered what she'd said in the Control Room. I'm probably going to regret this, but... “What was your other question?”  
  
Donna suddenly blushed, hard. He thought her entire skin was going to turn pink from the intensity of the cheek burns she was showing. He was completely baffled until she managed to find her voice. “Um, it's about that... thing you blurted out without meaning to, back when I was bringing my things on board.”  
  
The Doctor frowned – until his memory clicked like a mental slap. “Oh!”  
  
She couldn't help but let out an amused – if a bit embarrassed – laugh. “Yeah, that. Anyway, did you mean that... it's impossible for a human and a Time-Lord to shag?”  
  
Coughing several times despite the respiratory bypass, he needed a minute to push his voice back into action. “Um, um... Well, no.” Maybe, he hoped, my embarrassment will put her off asking further... “It's... The... parts work basically the same.'  
  
Donna's eyebrows raised in shocked curiosity. “But, then, what did you meant that you couldn't? Does that mean you're gay?”  
  
Given what Martha had said about him not realizing how his expressions could be interpreted, it explained a few things about Jack's behavior toward him. But not much. “Eh, no,” he answered rather casually.  
  
What the hell is this bloody alien going on about? “Then you... lost it during the Time War?”  
  
“No! No, I still have... the equipment. Just can't use it.”  
  
Aside from proving that some things were universal about males – no matter the species, that almost squeaking outburst told Donna nothing. “You'd better explain that one, Sunshine, because that made no sense whatsoever!”  
  
He groaned loudly, dropping his head onto his hands. No escaping this one... He slowly pulled his face up, resting his chin on his hands, and exhaled almost as loudly. “One of my companions was one of my people. She went by the name Romana. She... knocked me unconscious as we were preparing to execute the Time-Lock, and then... put me in a chastity belt.”  
  
That silenced Donna externally and internally. Not even what happened with Lance had been able to silence her for almost 10 minutes. The unnatural nature of a silent Donna Noble scared the Doctor. “Um, Donna?”  
  
That allowed her to recover a semblance of thought. “Well, what good would that do? Sounds kind of cruel to prevent a man from- Oh, my God! She was jealous!”  
  
Another groan, but he nodded a bit. “I'm betting that you're right on some level. But she claimed it was for another purpose. What did she say...? Preventing the potent seed of Gallifrey from falling in the wrong places, I think.”  
  
Donna laughed harder. “Oh, bullocks. She totally didn't trust you to remain celibate.”  
  
That froze him. Did she really not trust me to wait? What was she thinking? “I don't know what her thinking was. All I know is this is really awkward to deal with.”  
  
Talk about the understatement of his life, I bet! Donna smirked. “So how do you go to the loo with a metal thing on you? Must really chafe if you get excited.”  
  
Oi! She is enjoying this far too much! “Can't you spare a bit of that compassion for me?!”  
  
She waved a finger reprovingly. “Whining... And not until I've got some more answers. And I just asked a question.”  
  
His hands fell, and he shook his head. “TARDIS takes care of that. Apparently Romana had some talk with her and arranged for all that. Soiling myself doesn't happen.” A memory flashed, and he winced. “But there was this one time where Martha and I were stuck in England during the First World War, and I had to hide as a human. I've got this Chameleon Circuit that basically made me seem completely human. Being a Time-Lord seeped into my dreams, but I thought it was my imagination. Long story, but I think TARDIS managed to keep a link to me to make me go blank whenever I had to use the loo. And, since I've already embarrassed myself with too many details, I'll have you know that it's not metal. It looks like a normal pair of golden boxer-briefs.”  
  
Golden. She wanted to make a joke about the color choice, but decided to focus on other things – and naughty humor was a favorite pastime. “Hmm. Must be really interesting; I can't even guess at what you're packing, and those pants aren't exactly loose.”  
  
The delivery was so matter-of-fact, so Donna. Why didn't that type of curiosity bother him? He decided to ignore the last comments; he really didn't want to address those details any further. “As for the... other part of that question, it apparently suppresses any urges I might have.”  
  
That was enough to make anyone pause. “So Martha never found out?”  
  
“No. I made sure none of my companions saw it. Well, Mickey did, but he was the one to change my clothes after I last regenerated. I'm grateful he didn't ask too many questions, and decided to accept that perhaps Time-Lord undergarments could change with their wearer.”  
  
Donna snickered at the thought, but sobered as another one quickly replaced it. “If you didn't tell Martha, then I can't imagine you told Rose.”  
  
He shuddered. “Never would have. I obviously messed up enough with my behavior where she was concerned, by not thinking of what my actions were doing to her. What good would explaining this part of why I couldn't care for her the way she wanted? Probably made it impossible to be around her, and I would've had to dump her back with her mother – and I'm not sure what that would've done to history.”  
  
Well, time to show some compassion. “So you're stuck with a jealous ex's lock on you for the rest of your life?”  
  
The hardest frown crept onto his face. “Well, she claimed that there's a woman out there destined to be the mother of a new race of Time-Lords.”  
  
“Did she give you any clues as to how you'll find her?”  
  
He sighed and pulled out that rolled paper that had remained by his side ever since Romana had handed it to him. He handed it over, deciding that he couldn't possibly be any more embarrassed than he was now. “It's written in High Gallifreyan, but the TARDIS will translate it for you in your head.”  
  
Eyebrows raised, Donna opened the paper, and her eyes widened at what she saw, which she sputtered over. “What?! That's the filthiest limerick I've ever read!”  
  
“She had a very naughty streak.”  
  
The line was said so calmly that Donna wondered what was not being said. But she chose to have mercy on him. “Anything not related to how you'll apparently be reproducing like rodents?”  
  
Thank you for that lovely mental image, Donna. Just the right thing for my foul mood... “Someone who is apparently strong enough to stand up to me.”  
  
Her eyebrows drew together. “How strong would that have to be?”  
  
A wry smile crossed his face briefly. “You tell me. You're the only person who's told me no. Twice.”  
  
Well, well, that was cause to be proud. No wonder he likes me being around; I challenge him and that's a pleasure for him. “I guess I could help you look for her. After all, she might have a brother for me.”  
  
They both laughed at that. But the Doctor felt much better. Donna Noble had such a wonderful influence on him.  
  
He was really going to miss her if he did find this woman. Because two very strong women weren't likely to handle being in the same space for long.  
  
The TARDIS, if she'd had a body, would've shaken her head. _If they only knew_ , she sighed silently.  
  
  
[Chapter 8: Compassion and Observation](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3279.html)


	9. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There be Rose-bashing in this chapter. As well as some Doctor-bashing for being an idiot. Don't worry; he needs it.

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 8  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

  
  
**Author's Note:** There be Rose-bashing in this chapter. As well as some Doctor-bashing for being an idiot. Don't worry; he needs it.

  


[P](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html) / [4](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html) / [5](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2350.html) / [6](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2603.html) / [7](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2971.html)

CHAPTER EIGHT: COMPASSION AND OBSERVATION  
  
Pretty much everyone who ever became a companion eventually did something – at least once – that made the Doctor very proud of them. They always seemed to grow as people.  
  
Well, sometimes it wasn't grow as much as become more settled in their ways. Or their natural instincts intensified – which might explain Rose's actions.  
  
But he had never felt proud _for_ a companion until Donna Noble amazed him – yet again – on the Ood planet. Who else would have been able to look past appearances and see a person in a dying Ood? Certainly not Rose. Martha, maybe, but only once her instincts from medical training kicked in.  
  
And no human companion would've had the strength or the compassion to _want_ to hear the Song of Captivity. Even as his fears that it would push her so far that she would want to go home intensified, Donna awed him by holding out longer than he thought possible – and ending the adventure still wanting to travel with him.  
  
Maybe it was because they'd freed an entire race of beings. That kind of triumph was always a thrill, but he had never had a companion who stood by his side to that extent as they did. Or as enthused about the victory of freedom. She was even curious enough to want to hear the new Song – even if she was embarrassed about being hailed as a hero.  
  
It was sad, he thought, how she just doesn't see how brilliant she is...  
  
The whole thing about a song ending soon worried him. Which one of them were they talking about? He prayed it was his; he desperately wanted Donna to have a long life. He still had three regenerations left.  
  
Back on the TARDIS, they were sitting in the kitchen again, drinking tea and pondering their shared triumph. It took a while before words could be found, and it was Donna – to his surprise – who found them first. “Did anyone else see the Ood?”  
  
Oi, this brought back some problematic memories... “Rose did. Couldn't look past how alien they looked to her.”  
  
Donna sniffed in disgust. “Earth-centric view. Must not have spent much time with them, or else her compassion had severe limits.”  
  
He shrugged. Donna had called him on a form of racism today, and he wasn't about to revive _that_ moment. “Of course, the whole seeing them become possessed threw us both. I was more concerned about the text being so old that TARDIS didn't know what it meant. And then the Ood being possessed by some being that called itself the Devil.”  
  
The horror on Donna's face prompted him to describe that adventure, including what Rose had told him about her experiences. Donna wasn't sure how she felt about some of Rose's actions, but she was very concerned about the ill-fated Ood and shared the Doctor's sadness for each crewmember who perished.  
  
Then Donna grew thoughtful. “Was Rose one of the companions who you think you didn't treat right because of your ignorance about expressing feelings?”  
  
He groaned loudly and rubbed his face. He'd already given himself enough hell over it.  
  
And Donna sensed it. And changed the subject a bit. “How did you meet her?”  
  
A little more prodding, and he got into the details of that invasion. She prodded for further details not quite attached to the adventure itself: how did Mickey and Jackie react, what was Rose's behavior toward each of them like, and what brought her aboard? Once those were answered, Donna wanted to know how Rose left the Doctor's life.  
  
Based on the drumming of her fingers, it was plain that Donna wasn't pleased with what she was hearing, and the Doctor _knew_ a slap was coming. One he probably deserved.  
  
At least she seemed to soften when he reiterated his relief that only Mickey saw the Belt, and his relief that Sarah Jane Smith confirmed his instincts about Rose's lack of qualifications to be that woman.  
  
What he didn't realize was that Donna had decided that he needed some serious mental slaps regarding young women. But one detail needed clarifying: “How old was Rose when you two met?”  
  
“Nineteen.”  
  
She gave him her harshest glare. “No wonder Jackie Tyler slapped you. She had every right since your actions basically constituted cradle-robbing.”  
  
He rubbed his face again, once again feeling the weight of his actions. But he couldn't take that comment lying down. “Does the fact that I was extremely lonely and she'd just saved my life negate any of that?”  
  
She laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Nope. She just ran off with some stranger, leaving her boyfriend and her mother without sparing a single thought for them, their feelings, or the consequences. She turned her back on the people who loved her for an adventure when she had every chance to make something of herself on Earth. Young and pretty goes a long way on my planet – sometimes leaving brains and maturity behind. Sounds to me like the quintessential self-absorbed teenager, and you let her think she was a grown woman. I don't like to wish people ill, but I'm not sure how much compassion she deserves.”  
  
He sucked in a massive breath through his teeth at hearing his mistakes summed up in just a few sentences. Then a string a words exploded under his breath that Donna couldn't understand. There was something rather beautiful about the sounds, though, even with the rapid delivery. “Are you talking in Gallifreyan?”  
  
“Yes,” he managed, in English.  
  
“Why didn't your ship translate it?”  
  
He rubbed the sides of his face vigorously. “Let's just say that the TARDIS isn't fond of those particular words...”  
  
Donna's attention was captured away from his past for a moment. “Oh! I love a good curse word! Would you teach me?”  
  
That drew his gaze up in a hurry. “Just the curses?”  
  
“Hmm... No, I've always wanted to learn another language. Besides, you'd have someone who could speak to you in your mother tongue.”  
  
Just when I think I've figured her out, she still has hidden depths. A big smile grew. “Well, it would be nice to teach someone again. And thank you for helping me see where I really went wrong.”  
  
She shrugged with a smile. “Men always need those reminders.”  
  
“Oi!” Why did even her insults seem to be growing on him?  
  
The TARDIS rolled her mental eyes. _I love him dearly, but he needs a few slaps upside the head..._  
  
  
[Chapter 9: Doctor Jones' Observations](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3454.html)


	10. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's short, but I didn't have access to a script of the Sontaran episodes. Also, Martha's thoughts were much more important to the story than the actual words of the episodes. Don't fret: she'll appear again near the end, and she's going to have even more fun at the Doctor's expense!

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 9  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

  
  
**Author's Note:** Sorry this one's short, but I didn't have access to a script of the Sontaran episodes. Also, Martha's thoughts were much more important to the story than the actual words of the episodes. Don't fret: she'll appear again near the end, and she's going to have even more fun at the Doctor's expense!

[P](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html) / [4](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html) / [5](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2350.html) / [6](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2603.html) / [7](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2971.html) / [8](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3279.html)  
  
  
CHAPTER NINE: Doctor Jones' Observations  
  
Lovely, Martha Jones had thought. I've got to call _him_ back to Earth to save us. At least I was smart enough to give him my phone so we could reach him in emergencies – and this certainly counts.  
  
She took some strange pleasure in seeing his dismay over her working with soldiers – even if he had worked with UNIT in the past. What, did he think that this was a reaction to his being a heel to her? That she was fighting because she had some anger issues over how he unintentionally messed with her head?  
  
Well, she couldn't discount some of that, but he never had to know. Women had to have self-respect. So she wasn't about to let him off the hook just yet. She had a job partly because of working with him, so she had reason to be grateful. She could work on the front lines, protecting Earth. Someone had to.  
  
Besides, Martha thought, I'm engaged. Yeah, it's another doctor, but I know I'm loved now. And he's just saving Earth citizens – not the whole universe. Don't have to be stunned by his enjoying _anything_ at all.  
  
She didn't know that the Doctor did worry about whether she had grown bitter over his treatment of her. He was having visuals of Rose growing in extremes toward that direction, and felt very sorry for Mickey, Jackie, Pete, and the baby.  
  
Of course, they had to push their differences aside to figure out the source of the threat: Sontarans wanting to transform the Earth into a breeding ground for soldiers. Martha had the distinct feeling that this wouldn't be the last time some race would try to conquer Earth.  
  
Working with Donna Noble was a surprising treat. At first she worried about how much the Doctor had spoken of their time together, but Donna's blase attitude about the Doctor – the very thought of getting a paper-cut just from hugging him was too good! – quickly endeared her to Martha. Of course, his being suddenly uncomfortable with them getting along made her year. His new companion was completely unimpressed with him, and he didn't know what to do about it!  
  
Martha was loving it!  
  
But, even amidst the chaos and urgency, Martha was quickly fascinated by the dynamic between the Doctor and Donna. He seemed to be more careful about what he said and how it came across – which meant he'd listened to her all those months ago. She could only attribute the extent to Donna Noble being all too aware of how flirtatious men behaved, and to calling him on it a lot.  
  
She'd thought it impossible, so this was an amazing change. And rather entertaining.  
  
Donna herself was impressive. She was so observant of people and feelings, and the Doctor was relying on her ability to see the things that his mind wasn't geared to spot. And who would have thought that having an office worker would be the key to figuring out part of the problem?! Donna had every right to be smug toward Colonel Mace.  
  
What really caught her attention, however, were the Doctor's more unconscious behaviors towards, and reactions to, Donna herself. Sometimes he did forget himself, and Donna would laugh or scoff at him. But Martha swore that she saw – through the almost comical pouts over being dismissed – that he almost looked like he wished she'd flirt back every once in a while, that she wouldn't keep putting him in his place.  
  
And then there was how often his eyes drifted towards Donna – without him being aware of it. Even while he was talking to others. That he smiled more frequently with her around, that his smiles were directed a lot at her – which she never saw him do when she was around. (She wondered what the comparison would be with when Rose was around, but knew better than to ask.) And then there were the signs of extreme tension while Donna was in the TARDIS, on board the Sontaran ship. She thought she saw his palms sweating a bit, and there were worry lines that she'd never detected – even while they were stuck in 1969.  
  
When she put all of that together with the intensity of the hug he gave Donna when they were reunited, the sheer relief that she was okay and the pride that she'd taken on the Sontarans and won, Martha could only draw one conclusion: poetic justice was happening. He just didn't know it yet.  
  
Neither did Donna have a clue. She clearly thought of him as a bloke who happened to be her best friend ever. It was almost enough to make Martha sorry she'd wished that on the Doctor; Donna Noble was _really good_ for him!  
  
Even when TARDIS took them for an unplanned ride, Martha did find the banter quite ridiculous. To bicker over whether the Doctor was “completely impossible” or “just a bit... unlikely” was priceless.  
  
She would find more enjoyment later. After they made it back to Earth.  
  
  
[Chapter Ten: Maternal Instincts](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3816.html)


	11. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote this, Muse was evidently determined to fit in a whole bunch of my plot bunnies into one story. Although this one made things much more interesting in future chapters... as well as provided additional humorous moments and comments. In fact, I recently caught a clip from "The Doctor's Daughter," where they had just been placed in the cell. I think a lot of us consider it FACT that any child the Doctor could have at this point in his life would prove smarter than he's prepared to deal with. Jenny was well on her way...

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 10  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.  


  
  
**Author's Note:** When I wrote this, Muse was evidently determined to fit in a whole bunch of my plot bunnies into one story. Although this one made things much more interesting in future chapters... as well as provided additional humorous moments and comments. In fact, I recently caught a clip from "The Doctor's Daughter," where they had just been placed in the cell. I think a lot of us consider it FACT that any child the Doctor could have at this point in his life would prove smarter than he's prepared to deal with. Jenny was well on her way...  
  


[P](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html) / [4](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html) / [5](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2350.html) / [6](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2603.html) / [7](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2971.html) / [8](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3279.html) / [9](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3454.html)

  
CHAPTER TEN: MATERNAL INSTINCTS  
  
Even with what Romana had said, the Doctor had practically given up on being a father again. The odds seemed so remote...  
  
She certainly couldn't have seen this coming, could she?  
  
The last adventure on Earth, probably. Including how he nearly lost Donna to the Sontaran ship. Of course, Donna had handled herself so well that he imagined that she and Romana would have gotten along quite well. Romana always had a high respect for strong women.  
  
 _He_ might not have survived he experience, however... It was bad enough when Rose and Sarah Jane starting comparing memories about him and started to get along.  
  
The Generated Anomaly was the biggest shock of his long life. Completely unnatural creation and born to fight – with weapons! Every instinct rebelled against her very existence, against opening his hearts to that girl.  
  
But Donna... Donna had not only named her, she fought him over his treatment of her, and showed him the truth of her biology. Her having two hearts was another shock; his line started with just a single heart, so how could she start with two?!  
  
In the end, it hadn't mattered. He was too devastated now, standing over her lifeless body. She'd stepped between Donna and a bullet. She proved too much like him where he had been unwilling to see how precious she was – until it was too late. He could only think of all of the places he wished he could have taken her to, all of the things he wanted to teach her, and how much more bearable the idea of eventually living without Donna would be with Jenny around. And Donna might have taught her compassion, empathy, and perhaps how to recognize emotions – so she might be less rubbish at it than he was.  
  
No parent should have to bury their child. That was the phrase Donna used. He didn't understand what the fascination was with burying; Time-Lords never did that. But Donna insisted that they stick around, even as he tried to ignore her by focusing on his grief. She didn't slap him, but her words did: “It's the family's responsibility to ensure that the dead get a proper burial, the memorial that they deserved. Tell me, Sunshine: do you really want to leave all of that in the hands of people who are still pulling themselves out of this whole mess?”  
  
He didn't have the energy to fight her. He didn't want to, anyway. So he asked her and Martha to handle things. Mercifully, she sensed that he couldn't deal much more with the rest of Messaline, so she took Martha with her to talk with the Humans and Hath who were starting a government.  
  
The Doctor was painfully aware of every second that passed as he stared at Jenny, lying in a form of state rest. His vision went cloudy as suppressed tears started to fall.  
  
And couldn't believe it when a golden light appeared out of Jenny's mouth. He wiped his eyes to ensure he wasn't hallucinating, and saw her open eyes and wide smile.  
  
The sudden shouting brought people running into the room, and they were treated to the sight of the Lonely God clutching his unexpectedly revived child to him. Donna and Martha couldn't believe the tears almost streaming down the Doctor's face or the incoherent exclamations. (TARDIS wasn't sure _how_ to translate them, even though Gallifreyan was the basis for the noises.) But everyone had the sense that this man was desperately hoping that he never had to let his child go again.  
  
Much later, the four were on Earth. Donna and Martha helped sift through the TARDIS' multi-story wardrobe for clothing for Jenny, as the ginger understood that the Messaline uniform would always bring unhappy memories back for the Doctor and was determined to help form new and happier ones. Jenny finally chose a long-sleeved deep green shirt, black jeans, and black boots. Donna proclaimed, “We're going to have to get you some better shoes, sweetheart,” which drew a massive groan from the Doctor.  
  
Then Jenny stopped everyone with a question. “Where do people normally get their names?”  
  
Martha, feeling a little mischievous, answered, “Usually their mum or their dad. Parents are supposed to be the ones who name kids.”  
  
The young Time-Lady thought about that, and soon looked at Donna with open curiosity. “Does that make you my mum?”  
  
Donna and the Doctor choked on that question, although Martha was positive that it wasn't for the same reasons... Especially when Donna finally agreed to take on the role, which the Doctor seemed to decide he didn't mind at all...  
  
Soon they were walking down Martha's street. The Doctor and Jenny were a few steps behind as he was trying to explain Earth in 2008. “Quite the picture,” Donna whispered to Martha when they glanced behind to watch father teaching daughter. The animated gestures of the Doctor and the awed expression on Jenny's face would've looked very strange had any bystanders been watching.  
  
Martha grinned. “Never saw him so happy. He's meant to be a dad.” Her features clouded. “I wonder if he really looks on us like children.”  
  
Donna quickly took Martha's arm and increased their pace. “No. He tries to look at us as adults within our own cultures.”  
  
“He's terrible at expressing his feelings to anyone,” Martha muttered darkly.  
  
“Listen, he's told me a bit about what happened between you two, and he regrets that he wasn't fair toward you. He knows that his lack of awareness about feelings hurt both you and Rose, and he now knows that he should have treated Rose like a teenager. I plan to stick around to make sure Jenny doesn't pick up his rubbish talents with feelings.”  
  
A light laugh floated between them. “Good luck with that.”  
  
Donna looked thoughtfully at her new friend. She lowered her voice, making sure that the Doctor was still consumed with whatever he was describing. “You sure you don't want to stick around? Help educate a Time-Lady?”  
  
Martha shook her head. “Yeah, positive. I can't do this anymore.” She looked hard at Donna. “You'll be the same one day.”  
  
The thought gripped Donna's heart, and she gasped at it. “I hope not. You don't know what my life was like before I met him. I was nothing. I was going nowhere. Whatever future I had, it was bound to be equally nothing special. Now, I have the best friend anyone could have in the entire universe, and he helps me _be_ something special! And now he has a girl who needs a mother in her life, and she looks to me to fill that role. How could I go back to that... shallow, meaningless life after seeing all of this? If I could, I would travel forever with that man and his daughter.”  
  
The two stopped, which their companions noticed. Martha evaluated Donna's behavior and words, and sensed that there was a lot of emotion behind Donna's words that the ginger didn't realize were there. She would be an excellent true companion, Martha though, if they both could only wake up and smell the hot tea leaves. “I hope you get your wish; you're really good for him. You've helped him have a reason to live for.” Maybe more than one...  
  
And she was now convinced that her wish of poetic justice might just be commuted into a wonderful reward for the Doctor. Assuming nothing got in the way...  
  
  
[Chapter 11: Insanity in the 1920s](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3969.html)


	12. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rather enjoyed writing Jenny's perspective on “The Unicorn and the Wasp.” The delights of having a character with so much knowledge, and yet so innocent about people... There's a reason they say, “Kids say the darnedest things!” In fact, I issue a challenge: re-write the episode assuming Jenny is there. I give blanket permission to use the bits between Jenny and Donna in what's the beginning of the adventure in your fic. Have fun with it!

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 11  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

 

**Author's Note:** I rather enjoyed writing Jenny's perspective on “The Unicorn and the Wasp.” The delights of having a character with so much knowledge, and yet so innocent about people... There's a reason they say, “Kids say the darnedest things!” In fact, I issue a challenge: re-write the episode assuming Jenny is there. I give blanket permission to use the bits between Jenny and Donna in what's the beginning of the adventure in your fic. Have fun with it!  


[P](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html) / [4](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html) / [5](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2350.html) / [6](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2603.html) / [7](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2971.html) / [8](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3279.html) / [9](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3454.html) / [10](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3816.html)

  
CHAPTER ELEVEN: INSANITY IN THE 1920S  
  
The Doctor had never been more grateful to get away from modern Earth. The biggest drawback to having Donna Noble as a companion was that he occasionally had to deal with Sylvia Noble, who still remained very unhappy with him – and made him rather uncomfortable. Mothers of companions usually did that to him, but this one pushed buttons that he didn't know he had. So he wasn't thrilled when Donna insisted on their sticking around so she could introduce Jenny.  
  
But Sylvia had warmed up to Jenny, against every one of his expectations. So the woman who he wanted to give a good verbal thrashing to over how she treated Donna actually had maternal instincts. And when he saw how surprisingly gentle Sylvia was with Jenny, and how she was a good teacher, he got a glimpse into the childhood Donna must have had, and part of why Donna could never hate her mother.  
  
And a brief painful reminder of one other thing that made it hard to push Rose Tyler aside; she'd reminded him of the people he'd just lost. Including Romana. Blimey! Life was never wholly black or white...  
  
Of course, Wilf immediately loved Jenny, and promptly treated her like family. The old man even quickly came to insist, “If anyone asks, I want to introduce you as Jennifer Noble, my adopted great-granddaughter.”  
  
Donna had looked like she was about to protest, thinking of the Doctor's hesitance toward domestic, and he was surprised that he didn't choke at the suggestion. But Jenny seemed to like the name, and the thought of having extra family. “Sounds nice, having a Nan and a Gramps,” she said. So Sylvia considered the issue settled.  
  
Left her dad with nothing to do but sigh and nod. He did find some pleasure when Donna decided to give Jenny a middle name: Celeste. “It's from the Latin 'Caelestis,'” Donna explained, getting to trot out her knowledge of baby names, “meaning 'of the heavens,' and now pretty much meaning, 'of the stars.' Very fitting, I think.”  
  
He couldn't disagree. It _was_ perfect.  
  
Although Donna's rather easy acceptance of the deal helped the Doctor feel better about the entire situation. If his daughter was happy having the Nobles as her family, then he could live a little vicariously through that. He even wished that Geoffrey Noble had survived; he suspected that he would have liked Donna's father, and that the old general would have been an excellent grandfather to Jenny.  
  
But he still had his limits on how much of the domestic life he could hack. Donna's influence had only worked _partial_ miracles...  
  
So when it became clear that his ladies weren't thinking of moving on anytime soon, he had to come up with an adventure to coax them back into the TARDIS. And it finally came to him: England in the 1920s. He wasn't sure where the specific thought came from, but the TARDIS seemed to agree with him.  
  
That should have been a clue that something would go very wrong...  
  
Donna, apparently fascinated by the age of flappers, immediately agreed. Jenny was intrigued, and eager to see more of time and Earth.  
  
That didn't stop Wilf and Sylvia from walking them back to the TARDIS. Wilf wanted to know, “So when you go places, how do you create cover stories? Surely sometimes you've got to blend in.”  
  
The Doctor went into a quick explanation of the Psychic Paper. Wilf was suitably impressed, but Sylvia was staring at him, wondering just how bonkers this alien really was.  
  
Donna would never answer that. As much as she enjoyed teasing him, she had too much respect for him to reveal that much.  
  
Then Wilf voiced a thought that neither Donna nor the Doctor saw coming. “So then are the three of you just going to be a family? You know, a mum, a dad, and their girl?”  
  
Two people stopped in shock, a third was baffled as to why they'd be so startled, a fourth was merely puzzled over the reactions, and the fifth's suspicious mind became rather speculative. “Ah,” the Doctor began, “well, we're always being mistaken for one, so we keep having to correct all sorts of people.”  
  
Jenny had a prompt question, interrupting the attempt at deflection. “Did you ever convince them?”  
  
Neither of her parents could find an answer to that. The Doctor found himself surprisingly calm over not being bothered by that (although he was puzzled over it), and Donna was startled to realize she wasn't concerned over the thought.  
  
But to Sylvia Noble, this gave her a lot a food for thought. They might telling them truth when they said that they weren't together, but the Doctor seemed like he was having second thoughts about that. To her, Donna was approaching that point. She wasn't crazy about having aliens in the family, but Jenny was an innocent and rather lovable. Which meant tolerating the absolutely bonkers father who might have designs on her only child...  
  
Just outside the TARDIS, Donna found a few things to say to her “girl's” father. “Oi, Spaceman, don't be so obvious next time about how eager you are to go off. Enough visits, and Jenny will have Mum sufficiently softened toward you that you'll have to at least tolerate her.”  
  
“Wouldn't be so sure about that,” he muttered under his breath, in Gallifreyan. Might make my life easier, but how much do I really want a companion's mother to like me? Isn't that awfully domestic...?  
  
“Nan doesn't like Dad? Why?”  
  
Donna was delighted over the opportunity to launch into a narrative of their first meeting, expounding on all of the impossible things that happened. The Doctor kept interjecting with comments of his own, which made the banter rather entertaining to Jenny – and stunning Sylvia and Wilf.  
  
When he went miffed over having been slapped, Donna merely smiled. “Snapped you out of a great big self-pity fit, now didn't it?”  
  
When she complained about being pursued by the TARDIS, he exclaimed, “I still didn't know how you could've appeared in the TARDIS in the first place. Did you really think I wouldn't give up on finding the answers?”  
  
And when she growled over his miscalculating her weight, he retorted, “How often do you think I have anything to do with weddings? I'm rubbish at them, especially my own!”  
  
It didn't occur to either just how many questions they would later have to field or dodge over that. Especially from Sylvia.  
  
Although highly entertained, Wilf knew he had to do something. “Donna, sweetheart, maybe it is time for the three of you to set off. He's looking rather antsy, so I'm guessing he's had enough of regular Earth for the moment. Besides, do you two really want to give us more to speculate about?”  
  
Syliva silently scoffed. She waited until the blue box had disappeared – God, she couldn't imagine getting used to seeing it vanish like that – before she told her father, “Don't know whether I should hope for genius grandchildren, or remain absolutely worried about Donna's life. Are they really sure they're not together?”  
  
Wilf patted her arm. “I think they're figuring it out. They're both probably over-thinking things, and ignoring the basic, important stuff.”  
  
  
  
  
Jenny made numerous observations during the adventure, although some she was pretty sure she should never say out loud. At the start, she asked her new Mum, “Why is Dad so irritated that we're changing into era-appropriate clothes?”  
  
“Women always need to take more time than men do to look good. It's a curse and a gift. Though it's nice to see yet another thing prove universal to all males: impatience over the time female beauty routines require.”  
  
Jenny was quickly distracted from pursuing that line of thought by having to learn to walk like a lady and not a soldier. These shoes, she had thought as she practiced the steps inside the wardrobe, are utterly impractical! How could anyone run in them?!  
  
And why, she soon wondered, was Dad so bothered by seeing me in that dress? He didn't mind what Mum was wearing at all! He even said she looked lovely!  
  
Her mum must have sensed the first part of her thoughts as they walked toward the party (with him “leading” them on his arms), because she said, “Jenny, it's a natural instinct for fathers to be uncomfortable when reminded that their daughter is a young lady. Means they want to be all protective, make sure that other men know to treat their little girl with respect.”  
  
Interesting. That would explain his interjecting upon her being introduced to Lady Eddison's son, but _not_ the interjecting when her mother was lightly flirted with...  
  
Watching her parents being awkward when Mrs. Christie – whose work Mum insisted that she would read when they returned home – tagged them as a couple before they were introduced formally was quite amusing. If she had known more about how to interact with humans who had no clue about aliens, she would have had a lot of fun at her parents' expense.  
  
She also felt that they had never convinced anyone with their old “we're not a couple” act. Apparently outsiders really could have more knowledge about what was happening...  
  
The smell of alcohol was strange to her, and she wondered why anyone would want to dull their senses. Perhaps that was the soldier in her talking, but she supposed she might try it under controlled conditions – if her dad ever let her out of his sight long enough; he'd insisted she have what he did, which was rather bland... Mum's sidecar – whatever it is – smells nice, she noted for reference.  
  
She wondered at how readily people followed her dad's instructions, and what might happen if someone was too bright to be fooled by the psychic paper... And whether it would hurt her dad's pride to think a cover story through sometimes...  
  
Jenny also had no clue what her mum meant by saying that “all the decent men are on the other bus,” but she'd found her dad's offense at the comment funny. Nan and Gramps had been looking at them with something like the curiosity she'd seen in Aunt Martha's face. Do people always make assumptions about a man and a woman who are around each other, she wondered. What was the fascination?  
  
The real-life murder mystery, and how it seemed to resemble one of Mrs. Christie's novels, was a great challenge to her young Time-Lady mind. Her soldier training proved useful in evaluating possible exits and paths to explore, although she knew enough to let her parents – who were practically experts compared to her – take the lead.  
  
Mrs. Christie's life made her wonder why people would keep going for love when it could so clearly hurt them. She did marvel at the obvious resilience of humans, and wondered if that could be found in other races.  
  
The biggest thoughts were triggered by the attempt to poison her father. It was her grand introduction to fear and horror, the thought that she might lose him. If she hadn't been so scared, watching him flapping around for the components of the antidote would have seemed... bizarre.  
  
But then there was the shock he needed. I get, Jenny later thought, that Mum thought a kiss would work since they're “not a couple,” but did she have to also grab his rear?  
  
“It was for appearances,” Donna protested back in the TARDIS, after they'd found that special Agatha Christie novel and even visited the author on her deathbed. “Since we're supposed to be married, I figured that such a blatant public display of... attraction and lust... would cover for us.”  
  
Really, Jenny wondered. He looked knocked completely off kilter by that kiss. I think, even through the whole disgusting ingredients taste, he liked it!  
  
She decided then and there that the only people her parents were fooling were themselves. How much longer could the act carry on...?

[Chapter 12: Spoilers, Illusions, and Fear](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4163.html)


	13. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter proved to me that I have an ax to grind against River Song, both conceptually and as she is. Which means my ax to grind against RTD is a bit bigger than I'd thought... Anyway, I have to give an inspiration shout-out to a story of XaBlackRoseX. I'm sure some of you can figure out why. Just... please don't say anything until a later chapter...

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 12  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.  


  
  
**Author's Note:** Writing this chapter proved to me that I have an ax to grind against River Song, both conceptually and as she is. Which means my ax to grind against RTD is a bit bigger than I'd thought... Anyway, I have to give an inspiration shout-out to a story of XaBlackRoseX. I'm sure some of you can figure out why. Just... please don't say anything until a later chapter...

Also, this chapter is the start of some major angst before... the big finish, shall we say... We are more than half-way done with the story, folks!  


[P](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html) / [4](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html) / [5](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2350.html) / [6](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2603.html) / [7](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2971.html) / [8](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3279.html) / [9](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3454.html) / [10](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3816.html) / [11](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3969.html)

  


CHAPTER TWELVE: SPOILERS, ILLUSIONS, AND FEAR  
  
The Doctor had never thought that a house of books would turn into his worst nightmare. Books were knowledge, and knowledge was the greatest weapon of all.  
  
Now he might never be able to avoid shuddering at the mere mention of a library.  
  
As a time traveler, one had to expect that sometimes things could happen out of linear order. He'd seen it with Sally Sparrow, after  
all. But to meet someone who apparently had experienced a whole array of adventures with you that hadn't happened to you yet?  
  
What writer, he thought, would come up with a story like that? Wouldn't things get boring after a while, or the “backwards” traveler would become irritating to the readers with the inevitable smugness from “knowing” that things would work out?  
  
If he'd needed any more proof that the Universe hated him, this would have been it. Alas, it wasn't done giving him proof...  
  
The Doctor wasn't sure what it was, but River Song had triggered some strange reaction from some corner of his brain from the moment she stepped into his sight. Had to be a bad sign, he was positive. And he was even more aggravated, given the danger they were all in, when she showed her face, grinned, and said, “Hello, Sweeties.”  
  
He'd immediately pushed those thoughts to the side as much as possible. There was no time for dealing with this professor's – fine time for an archeologist to show up, he thought – antics or how she might know his family when there was the biggest Vashta Nerada infestation he'd ever seen threatening everyone's lives.  
  
Felman Lux had made it onto the Doctor's personal shit list for bringing his expedition when the Library had been trying to shut itself off from the universe. And River Song he actually had the thought of slapping over her callous smugness over everything. Though his curiosity drove him to ask pointed questions of her.  
  
But she skillfully dodged them, or only gave a bit of an answer. “Spoilers,” she kept saying.  
  
The Doctor got very aggravated, and demanded, “How can you be such an expert at avoiding saying anything when you talk all the time?”  
  
River's smug smile turned fond, with a strong sadness. “I learnt from my father. He... was the best at it. Mum always lamented that I got practically all of his bad habits and only a few of the good ones.”  
  
He had never been more baffled in his life. Although he finally understood how his companions must have felt whenever he did the same to them, or even pushed them aside. He made a vow to remain as honest as possible with Jenny, Donna, and anyone else who made the cut to become a companion.  
  
Although nothing was more confusing than River saying, about not signing Lux's contract, “I'm getting worse than you.”  
  
Of course, after Miss Evanelista was killed, he had bigger concerns than figuring out River Song. Once Proper Dave had two shadows, he needed to get Donna and Jenny to the TARDIS, but the only way was the teleport system. He told them that he figured they'd be able to help from inside the ship. What he really wanted for for them to be safe; he'd been nearly driving himself mad trying to keep them both away from the shadows.  
  
That would haunt him for a long time.  
  
When that one Node kept rotating, and showed their respective faces on either side, he finally understood what people meant when they said the world fell out from under them. Not even losing his own people had drained him so much.  
  
In that moment, staring at Donna's face, another truth hit him. Romana's belt might be keeping his urges in check, but it hadn't stopped him from falling in love...  
  
He spent the whole rest of the struggle reeling from the discovery. He finally knew that he desperately wished that Donna could have been the One. She made him a better person, made him want to be a better person, and he couldn't imagine any other woman as a mother to his children...  
  
Which made River whispering his name in his ear that much more horrifying... He knew he _had_ to trust her, but it made his stomach and whole being feel sick. Not even the glimpse he'd caught of Donna and Jenny, in some domestic setting that he didn't recognize, could lift him from that slump that River's whisper sent him further down. It dawned on him that she made him think of what Rose Tyler might have been like had she been a Time-Lady.  
  
It wasn't a comforting thought. And proved that there were a lot of things about his people he preferred to not remember...  
  
When River screamed at him over his idea to save all of the people, he let her have it. “Donna and Jenny are my reasons for _living_! I don't know how you know what you do about me, but I know that I don't like it. I would give all of my lives for them; they are my anchors and I'm lost without them. You are nothing to me, so you go take Luxy-boy to help make the transfer run smoothly!”  
  
It'd shocked her into silence, except for a growling curse that he – in his angry, Oncoming Storm mindset – didn't recognize as Gallifreyan.  
  
It didn't prevent him from challenging the swarm that finally killed Anita (such a good woman, he mourned). But it did keep him from realizing River could knock him out.  
  
When he woke, cuffed to a post and saw River sitting in the chair, preparing to be the memory space, he was livid. “River Song, get out and let me do it!”  
  
She glared at him. “I'm not letting my dad kill himself!”  
  
That shocked him still. “What...?”  
  
River started crying silently. “If I let you do this, then I'll never have been born. Never mind the rest of Jenny and my siblings. And you'll never have had a truly happy existence post the Time War.”  
  
Then... his were the bad habits she mentioned?! “But who-”  
  
Her next words came out in a near crying rush as she fiddled with the settings. “You know what this means? You, Mum, and Jenny have known all along – from the first moment you knew I was coming into this universe, and _that_ was apparently quite the moment in and of itself – what my fate would be. It must be why you were never as hard on me as you were the others... It must also be why I sometimes saw this sad look in each of your faces when you looked at me...”  
  
He could barely take this in. It was more overwhelming than when he'd realized what an idiot he'd been toward Rose.  
  
River continued, lost in her memories – even as she kept looking right into his eyes. “The last time I saw any of you, you and Mum brought the whole family to my doorstep – including my kids, who you'd been taking care of after my husband, whose name I took, died in an attack and I was wrapped up in too much grief to care for them – and swept us all off to Darillium to see the singing towers. Oh, what a night that was! The towers sang, and Mum and you and Jenny... and a few others... cried.None of you would tell me why. You just hugged me tightly at the end, and told me to not take whatever you said the next time I saw any of you personally. I was so worried about the whole thing, but I suppose you knew it was time. My time. Time to come to the Library. Mum even gave me a special Screwdriver. That should've been a clue."  
  
He heard every word, but one detail wasn't there... “But how could you know my name? Time-Lords don't tell their children that!”  
  
River laughed through her tears. “ _Massive_ spoilers, Dad. But don't you worry. You, Mum and Jenny will have plenty of adventures with me. Good times, lovely memories... and some not so great. You watch us run. Oh, I left my Screwdriver with one part facing up. You said to remind you to open it after I... Well, you said 'leave.' I know now what you meant...” She looked him right in the eyes as she drew the headpiece down, and brought the plugs next to each other. “I love you all.”  
  
The Doctor was blinded by the white light, and once it vanished, he was left staring at her empty spacesuit. Remorse seeped into his consciousness, and he actually lost track of how much time passed until he managed to free himself.  
  
He moved almost as stiffly as the possessed spacesuits had – though crawling made things more jerky – to that sonic. He opened the compartment, and found an oddly empty space. He didn't understand it – until he noticed that it was the perfect size for the communicator on River's suit – which was still blinking a strong green.  
  
He was barely aware of detaching it, inserting it into the sonic, and then uploading River's awareness into the computer. He saw CAL smile as River joined the memory base. In time, he would find comfort in knowing that he'd given his child a rather nice retirement, but his mind was filled with too many questions and feelings.  
  
And with the painful awareness that Donna wasn't the One. After all, how could a child of his and Donna's turn out like that...? He couldn't see Donna letting it happen.  
  
So he dragged himself away from River's tomb and to the main Library to find his family. Weighing him down was the knowledge that he had to keep his realizations to himself; he couldn't let Donna know that he'd broken the Cardinal rule of their partnership. He should've figured it out back when Donna shocked him for detox; that kiss had been _amazingly_ pleasant – even under the circumstances – and he'd been stunned that her hand actually managed to pinch his arse. The Belt was more flexible than he was comfortable knowing...  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Donna leaned semi-limply against a wall as she watched Jenny frantically searching the Library's database of the people who were trapped on that day. The young lady's eyes flickered up to scan the people gathering as the transports were coming. Poor girl, Donna thought through her own hazy mind. She's fallen in love for the first time, and she's not sure if he was real...  
  
She was grateful that Jenny hadn't endure what she had. A possibly imaginary love was bad enough, but to experience a life of love and marriage with the image of your best friend?  
  
Donna sort of understood why the computer had created “John Smith.” She and Jenny carried so many memories of the Doctor that using them must have seemed suitable to keeping them from realizing where they really were. But the life she experienced with Jenny's “father,” raising two children of “their own,” and being a family...  
  
It felt natural. Right. As close to perfect as humanly possible.  
  
Which made her realize something else. That skinny, blokish, pompous, bonkers alien had grown on her so much that her feelings had grown into the deepest love for him. Had to have been happening for a while. Had the attraction began back on that fateful Christmas Day...? Or was it that Detox kiss, when he had looked rather cute from being thrown for a loop by her actions...? She wasn't sure. All she knew was that she had to keep this to herself; she didn't want to become another Martha to him – in any way.  
  
So she had made Jenny swear that she'd never speak of the details of their experiences. The Time-Lady had hesitated, but the shared grief got through to her. Jenny didn't know about the prophecy, and it would hurt enough for Donna to have to step aside for another woman. I finally understand what Martha meant when she said she couldn't do this anymore...  
  
“Donna.”  
  
The whisper floated to her ears, and she whipped around, gasping from shock. There he was – and he looked as pale as she felt. Oh, God, how much must he have suffered thinking Jenny was lost forever to him. The hug they shared was instinctual; she couldn't stop herself from trying to comfort him – even through her own jumbled feelings.  
  
“Dad!” The scream was promptly followed by a rush of blond in green and black running to them. He opened an arm for her, but kept Donna in his other. Why he wouldn't let her go, Donna couldn't figure out, but she accepted the small comfort of his embrace.  
  
Jenny let go far sooner than he clearly liked, but she was all, “We have to see that everyone gets out. And there's someone I'm looking for.” She went right back to her previous tasks, not letting her father have a chance to answer.  
  
To stop him from asking too many questions, Donna managed a brief explanation of Jenny's experience in the illusion world. Even in his own dazed state, the Doctor was frowning over the thought of his girl falling in love. He clearly hopes the man is a creation of the computer, Donna noted. He's not ready for his little girl to be fully a grown woman... Not that any dad gets a choice...  
  
She dodged his questions about her own experience by saying that she had had a family – and they disappeared before her eyes when she realized the illusion of the children. “I guess I'm not meant to be a wife or a mother,” she finally said.  
  
Donna felt the Doctor grab her hand. “You're a mother to Jenny.”  
  
“You know what I mean.”  
  
And he did. He just didn't know how to comfort her without giving away his new, biggest secret. So he just held her hand gently.  
  
“Oh, my God! You're real!” Jenny's shout made a lot of activity stop, and even more stop as she ran toward a dark-haired man, who started meeting her halfway for a huge hug.  
  
Donna had to put her free hand over the Doctor's chest to stop him from moving or speaking. “Let them figure things out. He's had as much of a hard time as we have, being trapped for so much longer. Who knows what dreams he was placed into...”  
  
She also knew that “Lee” would be joining them. It might be a good thing for keeping this secret, she thought.  
  
And she was right about one thing; Jenny insisted that Lee come along. Donna did expect more of a fight from the Doctor over a man who was clearly interested in Jenny coming on board, but the Doctor was so exhausted from his own experiences that he merely gave the man a hard look and a warning of “no funny business” before letting him come along.  
  
After settling Lee – apparently a nickname – into a room that happened to be a little ways from Jenny's (Donna supposed that the TARDIS knew to humor her pilot's strange mood given what happened, and she felt the ship being a bit protective toward her female travelers), Donna fled to her own room and straight for a bath that probably wouldn't be very relaxing – but had to be attempted. Something needed to be done to recover enough balance to remain the rock that her Spaceman needed.  
  
She was so distraught, she didn't even notice what the TARDIS had put on her nightstand until the next morning... Even with the ship trying to gently prod her...  
  
  
[Chapter 13: Darkness Threatens All](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4557.html)


	14. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for bearing with me so far. Things are about to get interesting - although we've got a little more angst to ride out...

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 13  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

 

**Author's Note:** Thank you for bearing with me so far. Things are about to get interesting - although we've got a little more angst to ride out...

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CHAPTER THIRTEEN: DARKNESS THREATENS ALL  
  
Both of the “adults” on the TARDIS knew they needed some little time apart to regain equilibrium. The Doctor wanted to try to have some fun on his own, to prepare himself for the inevitable moment when Donna would walk out of his life – or was pushed out by circumstances out of their influence. Donna, meanwhile, wanted to try to relax – which meant some going back to what she liked before she met the Doctor: a spa visit. Besides, Jenny and Lee needed some time to talk without pressure from Daddy.  
  
So the Doctor's idea of Midnight came as a surprise to his ladies. It sounded rather domestic for him, but no one really wanted to ask him what gave him the idea; why bring it to his attention if he wasn't really aware of it? Of course, Jenny was always up for going to new places. She just wanted special company now.  
  
Donna really wondered why her Spaceman wasn't challenging the 51st century man. He could be so protective of her and Jenny that it didn't seem right for him to just be satisfied with a few words and a brief Oncoming Storm look.  
  
The Doctor wasn't thrilled about his daughter having feelings for _any_ man. She was still so young! But, as Donna kept reminding him, people change every day just from living. People also are influenced – sometimes ever so slightly – by those around them. River's death had hit him harder as he got further away from the Library; he had really treated her poorly. He also felt guilty about not feeling happy to learn that he would meet that woman and have a family. He just wanted Her to be a _specific_ woman...  
  
Of course, Donna had chided him over their cells about saying that nothing could go wrong with his shuttle trip. “You do realize that you're the biggest trouble magnet in the universe. You're always telling me that you think the Universe hates you, so what's stopping it from doing something here? You've just tempted Fate!”  
  
He hated brushing her off, so he settled for, “I'll be careful, Donna.”  
  
He'd had to close that conversation before he got really tempted to actually voice his feelings. Didn't want to cause any additional problems once life got more complicated.  
  
But then things went _horribly_ wrong. And he'd been sure he wouldn't survive...  
  
So there he was, sitting on the floor of the vessel. Aside from asking for the hostess' name, which no one knew, he had nothing to say to anyone. He'd never seen humans be _that_ scared of him, _that_ ready to hurt him. So, he thought listlessly, I really am an outsider. Will I ever feel like I have a place outside of my TARDIS to feel at home...? Especially once Donna is gone from my life...?  
  
He really couldn't focus on noticing anything beyond his own thoughts. Though he was profoundly grateful that Donna and Jenny weren't there; his dark thoughts could imagine the horrors that the creature could have put him through had the two he loved been there. It might have targeted one of them instead...  
  
What was it that Donna once said? “We have to treasure the moments we get. The little things are what makes life worthwhile – gives it meaning – in the face of hardship.” And as for dealing with grief? “We go on. We live. We remember... What else can we do?” Her views must have influenced him more than he'd thought; how else would he have thought of Midnight? Willingly going on what amounted to a tourist package?  
  
Yep, he sighed sadly. The things you do when you're in love... How long would it take his observant friend to figure out that something was wrong? And how the hell was he going to handle that? If I admit to anything, he thought, she'll surely feel compelled to leave. And I don't want that...  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Donna spent her time trying to chaperon the younger couple. (Actually, Lee was older than she was, but he was rather calming to Jenny's excitable nature, so Donna hoped they would find a way to be good together. The romantic in her hoped that her daughter might be lucky in a way that she wasn't.) Fortunately, they were fine hanging around nearby tables while Donna rested by the pool. She'd wanted to use the other facilities, but she found herself unable to use a lot of them; didn't want to have others' hands on her, in the end.  
  
The pool did relax her body, but her mind would not calm. She could still hear the TARDIS reminding her about something on her nightstand, but she thought she was due for such a headache that she wanted to try to take her mind off that flipping, oblivious alien. She'd been feeling it since yesterday (not too long after leaving the Library), when the Doctor came up with the idea of Midnight, which had prompted an unexpected hug from her.  
  
Really, why wasn't she managing to be more independent? Was she starting to rely on him too much?  
  
But when the alert came that a rescue vessel was docking soon, it took her a moment to realize that her earlier fears were well-founded. Jenny hadn't been paying attention until Donna prodded her, and then she was equally frightened.  
  
Until they saw him, they were imagining all sorts of nasty things happening to the passengers. But seeing how pale he was and how lifeless his face looked, Donna couldn't help but pull him into her arms. And when he – after a moment's shock – pulled her into his arms as tightly as she was holding him, she was absolutely terrified for him. And he wouldn't let her go even as he pulled Jenny into the embrace.  
  
Lee had stayed back, but stopped one of the rescue vessel crew to demand answers. The response wasn't comforting: “None of the passengers said a word. They just nodded or shook their heads when asked questions. Although, if you ask me, your friend seems the worst off of the bunch.”  
  
Donna felt Jenny join her in reflexively tightening the hug. Oh, my God, what happened...?  
  
Once they found a quiet spot by the pool, which was blessedly empty, Donna and Jenny sat on either side of him and just held his hands. Jenny wanted to ask questions, but Donna motioned for her to be quiet and let her father tell it in his own time. Which he told a lot sooner than she was expecting, given how unnatural it was for the Doctor to be quiet.  
  
Oh, he'd been rather quiet since the Library, but he'd been talking about all sorts of of nonsense. To keep from talking about whatever had happened while they were separated. And possibly to put off the inevitable talk he would have with Lee. Donna wasn't sure.  
  
His normal actions reminded her vaguely of River's comments about how her father taught her about speaking without saying anything. Why did that make her so uncomfortable...? Or was it just his uncharacteristic stillness...?  
  
She worried that his experience on the Crusader would irrevocably harm his opinion of humans. Jenny wanted to know, “How could anyone do that? How could anyone be so cruel?”  
  
Donna had the answer. “It's the ugly truth about humanity, and perhaps about all sorts of people. All of the potential for good actions has a flip side of also being the potential for equally bad actions. One person can sometimes cause unbearable pain to others without any guilt, and sometimes a person could be the hero who saves the day. Or the planet,” she added with a tiny smile at the Doctor, hoping to remind him of how he'd praised her for her actions against the Sontarans.  
  
He didn't seem to register her words, which showed just how far into the darkest corners of his mind he had slipped. Jenny tried to pull him back with intellectual speculation. “Do you know what it was?”  
  
If Donna hadn't been thinking that herself, she would have slapped Jenny on the arm for asking. But it probably had to be voiced. Just to get it over with.  
  
He took a deep breath. If his hands weren't in near death grips by his girls, he would use them to rest his head. “No idea,' he whispered.  
  
“Do you think it's still out there?” Jenny's whispered question showed the extent of her horror. The soldier in her know how to react against most threats, but one that wasn't even corporal? That could possess anyone it wanted? That scared her...  
  
When he could only nod, Donna had to comment, “Well, you've got to warn them. This lot.” Her concern grew as he only managed a few lines about letting this planet rotate in silence, but she sensed that he was thinking a bit about the consequences of this day – which meant that he was still in there, and remembered all that she had taught him. One thought came to mind, and she hoped she wasn't making a mistake in saying it: “Can't imagine you without a voice.”  
  
He turned his gaze to look at Donna, and managed a real smile. I'm so grateful this amazing human came into my life, with boundless compassion and who doesn't judge me. Oh, Donna, I'm gonna miss you so much... All he said, however, was, “Molto Bene.”  
  
Jenny and Donna both grinned at hearing a good hint of the Doctor they both knew. But Jenny nearly ruined the mood by repeating his words. Donna tensed as she felt him tense, but all he did was turn toward his daughter and go, “Don't. Just... don't.”  
  
She bowed her head, embarrassed. “Sorry, Dad,” she whispered back.  
  
“L-let's go.” Lee finally spoke, voicing the thought that everyone had. Strange, Donna thought, how he can manage to speak with minimal stuttering when the situation really needs it.  
  
Of course, they had to stop and speak with the management. Donna had to take charge and be her most forceful self; the Doctor was in no shape to intimidate anyone. It meant pretending that he was her husband, but Jenny jumped right in with her own anger. Thankfully, it hadn't taken much of their forthrightness to properly frighten the people who thought it was a brilliant idea to build a leisure palace there.  
  
Getting back into the TARDIS couldn't come fast enough for any of them. If it hadn't been for the sluggish steps the Doctor was taking, the women might have rushed him along so fast that he would have temporarily resembled a rag doll.  
  
Once they were in the Vortex, the Doctor walked off, mumbling about tea. Donna decided that, despite her continuing emotional turmoil, this was as good a time as any to talk with him. He needs someone to vent to, whether he realizes it or not, she believed. She waited till she was sure he was out of earshot to state her intentions.  
  
Jenny perked up slightly. “I want to help.”  
  
“No. I'm positive that there are things he'd rather you not know because he doesn't want to frighten you any further. Besides, he's got this tendency to say more to me than he intends to. I plan to use that to coax him out of this slump.”  
  
The Time-Lady became oddly curious about Donna's methods. “Are you... gonna slap him?”  
  
Donna, not expecting that idea, let out a tiny laugh. “No, not this time. He needs laughter, not pain.”  
  
Curious, Jenny thought. “He really does try to treat you as an equal, doesn't he?”  
  
Sniffles muffled Donna's voice slightly. “He does.”  
  
I can hear those feelings! So close to the surface... “Mum, maybe this would be a good time to tell him about the Library-”  
  
“No! I told you, he can't ever know! I'm just his best mate. It's all I ever can be to him!”  
  
Jenny was shocked by the vehemence. “But don't you-”  
  
Donna put a hand over her girl's mouth. Please, she silently prayed, listen, Dearest... I can't take this pressure. Not now. “Sweetheart, there are things your dad hasn't told you about his past, things I'm pretty sure he'd rather you never know. One of them is basically proof that I'm not meant to be anything other than a good friend to him. Just let me do my thing, Jenny.”  
  
One thing about living with Donna Noble as your mother, you quickly learned when you couldn't win against her when she was in a state. So she nodded despite her feelings.  
  
Seeing the young woman hurting and that her hearts only wanted good things for them, Donna pulled her into a big hug. “I appreciate the thought and the support, my love. But, as one wild Brit once said in a fit of brilliance, 'You can't always get what you want.'” She walked away before Jenny could find something else to ask about. That curiosity is so challenging to handle, but I'm truly blessed to have someone like her rooting for me... Even if she is a matchmaker-wannabe...  
  
Jenny felt tears flowing down her face, and was startled when Lee pulled her into a hug. She turned in his embrace, and murmured, “How can they _not_ see it? What is it going to take? I can't detect any reasons that they couldn't, so what's holding them back?”  
  
Deeply moved by her pain, Lee stammered an explanation about how sometimes individuals have things in their past that make them blind to certain aspects of their current life. He also let her known that he suspected that guilt – for whatever reason – had a role in the situation.  
  
It made some sense, but Jenny was too inexperienced with the universe to begin to comprehend it. “I can't stand by and watch them dance around each other and trying to not let the other know. And I don't want anyone else in their lives. There has to be something I can do!”  
  
Lee froze in thought, and Jenny looked up. “What's the matter?”  
  
It took him a moment, but he was able to get out, “S-some stories used to t-talk of locking c-couples in a c-closet until... th-they s-saw the l-light, s-so to speak.”  
  
She was instantly enthralled with the idea. “Perfect! There are plenty of closets here, and surely there'll be a few on our next adventure. All I have to do is coax Dad to lend me his sonic. Ooh, that could be tricky... Better try it on board. Oh,” she added at his attempt to calm her, “I'll wait until after they finish talking; I have Mum my word, and she expects me to keep it. But once they're done-"  
  
She stopped when she felt TARDIS touch her thoughts with a hint of negation. “What?! Surely you, Old Girl, see it! You must know something must be done!”  
  
 _Yes_ , TARDIS answered in their heads, _but you are acting in haste. All will be well very soon._  
  
Jenny groaned. “I finally get why Dad hates it when you talk in riddles. It's bloody annoying!”  
  
 _He hates it because_ he _likes being the one talking in riddles._  
  
Neither Jenny nor Lee had a retort to that.  
  
  
  
  
Donna found him already sitting in the kitchen, the kettle steeping the tea. He knows a talk is coming, she sighs, Well, he'd better not fight me; I might be the one to blurt something unintentionally...  
  
The Doctor had been bracing himself for the hardest conversation of his life. Answering her questions honestly – as he'd vowed before all went to hell on the last adventure – without revealing certain facts-  
  
He flinched as TARDIS give him the mental equivalent of a Donna slap. “Oi! What was that for?!”  
  
Okay, that's weird... “What was what for?”  
  
He jumped at Donna's voice in the doorway. He took a few deep breaths to attempt to calm his heartbeats. “Sorry. TARDIS sounds like she's about to talk to me like I'm an idiot.”  
  
 _You are one_.  
  
The flicker of anger on his face was actually comforting to Donna. “Good to see you've got all your feelings intact,” she noted quietly. “What's she telling you?”  
  
 _Why conceal your feelings from her?_  
  
The Doctor groaned loudly. He turned his gaze upward. “Old Girl, you know I have to!”  
  
 _Why_?  
  
The simple question threw him off completely. Why would my ship tell me to do something that has to be against this... fate Romana has planned for me? She must know what it is!  
  
Donna could sense he was getting another telling-off. What kind of an idiot does his ship think he is, she wondered with concern, that she'll cause him additional pain after what he's been through? She looks up when it's clear that he's in a bit of shock. “Come off it, sweetheart,” she cried. “Let him be!”  
  
TARDIS spoke to her separately. _He thinks he should withhold certain things from the conversation you two are about to have. For that matter, you are also planning to withhold important things from him. You two must be honest with each other._  
  
In light of the talk with Jenny just moments before, Donna was alarmed at the thought. “We've been through some awful things – him especially! He needs rest! Didn't you hear me with Jenny?”  
  
 _I did_ , TARDIS answered calmly. _And you're wrong_.  
  
Donna wanted to be incensed; this ship spoke as confusingly as her pilot liked to. “About what?!”  
  
“Oi,” the Doctor interjected, not liking how flustered Donna was getting from whatever TARDIS was telling her. “What are you doing making Donna uneasy? She's needed here!”  
  
 _Then let her know how much_.  
  
He gasped. “Are you telling me to do something that goes against everything that I've understood since the Time Lock?”  
  
TARDIS' tone became scolding. _Only against what you_ think _you know_.  
  
That froze him in his seat. “What?!”  
  
Then his ship went absolutely smug. _Romana created the Belt to prevent you from becoming_ too _attached to the_ wrong _women. But it was meant to_ not _interfere or influence where the_ right one _was concerned._ And then she went silent, letting him figure it all out.  
  
The biggest implication of that sentence escaped the Doctor... At first. Then, his mind barely put together into a coherent thought, she... saw... The possibility hit him with the force of an imminent regeneration, which choked his breath off – and he needed air desperately.  
  
“Doctor!” Donna rushed over to his side, seeing what looked like a panic attack brewing. What did his ship say to him to trigger this?! Is she mad at him? Not sure what else to do for a Time-Lord version of a very human condition, Donna placed her palms on his chest and upper back – over the space right in-between what she hoped were his lungs. “Breathe, Doctor. Make my hands move with your breath.”  
  
Her voice reached him despite the violently jumbled mess in his head. And his lungs started working again – though each breath was a struggle to draw in.  
  
After a few moments, he'd recovered enough physically that Donna felt okay to remove her hands. She quickly pulled a chair over and sat next to him. “What did your ship do to you?”  
  
Torment me with the thought that my wishes might be within reach, he thought. But maybe, just maybe, your compassion will keep you from lashing out at if I'm wrong about what she meant... “Donna?”  
  
“Yes?” Must keep him talking, she felt.  
  
He barely managed to clear his throat. “Please bear with me. The very thought of this... makes me more nervous than the last time I faced the Master.”  
  
Having heard _that_ unpleasant story, Donna felt even more concerned. “Sounds very serious if it worries you more than being turned into a _really_ old man and not knowing if Martha would be successful...”  
  
The fear in her eyes – for him, not of him, he understood – drove him to hold her hands before he was even aware he'd done it. Well, in for a pound, in for a tonne, he decided – even thought his hearts felt like they were trying to claw their way up his throat. “And, despite what my ship is telling me, I'm not sure how you'll react to what I'm going to say.”  
  
Donna decided to risk a dangerous question. “Does it include what you experienced at the... Library?”  
  
His throat tightened at the mention, but she was right. So he nodded slowly.  
  
She clears her throat, trying to send her own heart back into her chest. “She was telling me to tell you about my experiences... inside the computer.”  
  
He frowned as something occurred to him. “Neither you nor Jenny has said much about what happened to _you_.”  
  
Donna nods, uncomfortably. “That was my doing. I-I wasn't sure you would be easy knowing about it, based on some of the things you said about past companions.”  
  
Oh, Rassilon, what happened to her?! “It made you question whether I'd want you to stay?!”  
  
She swallowed, knowing her inability to speak would answer his question. That should get some reaction from him...  
  
It draws a torrent of words from his mouth. “Oh, Donna, I wish you could see you as I do. No one else has ever shown so much compassion for others, regardless of their race. No one has so much fervor for protecting others, for trying to save people. No one else has challenged me into becoming a better person and even made me _want_ to be a better person. No one else would have been able to change my mind so many times.”  
  
Donna ducked her head, unable to meet his eyes for fear that even this rubbish-with-feelings alien might see enough to piece things together.  
  
But he had to see her eyes, even if she saw too much in his. He tried letting go of one of her hands, but she had a near death grip on them. Trying to comfort me, he wondered, or herself? “Donna, please look at me.”  
  
She wanted to shake her head, but she couldn't resist the impassioned plea. So she steeled herself, looked up... and gasped at the intensity of his expression. For the first time, she couldn't read his emotions at all. Although something about them were tugging at her heart.  
  
“It bothers me whenever you put yourself down, don't believe that you're magnificent. I could go through all of the things that make you amazing to me, that make you important, but you lived them. It might be insulting your intelligence to list things right now. Which means I have to talk about something I try hard not to: my feelings...” He trailed off, needing to draw a deep breath to carry on.  
  
Her breath hitches. Oh, my God, she thought, this could get ugly for me...  
  
“Time-Lords... We're supposed to keep from getting too attached to anything or anyone – even our own families. Oh, that doesn't stop us from caring deeply for our children, and sometimes our spouses. But aside from my children and grandchildren, I was only _so_ fond of my family.” Except my mother, but that's a story for later... “I've been a restless soul for as long as I can remember. I hated going to the Academy, hated the roles I was forced into, and often resented what felt like the narrow-mindedness of my own people.”  
  
“So you started running,” Donna whispered, after he was silent – except for a few deep breaths – for a long moment. It was taking every ounce of strength to keep remotely, outwardly calm.  
  
“I mean, I missed them once they were gone, but I always felt like an outsider. I don't know what it says about me that I'm more comfortable with people of other races than with my own. Romana was the only exception.”  
  
Donna felt her heart tightening at the mention of the Time-Lady who belted him. I certainly couldn't hope for a return when he was plainly in love with her...  
  
The Doctor noted that her control seemed to increase with the mention, but he wasn't in any shape to figure it out. “Before you, only two companions gained my trust to a point where I felt at all comfortable sharing the personal aspects of my past. Romana was one, and Sarah Jane was the other. But even with them, I was holding back. Not with you. I have trouble stopping myself from sharing with you. You inspired trust from early on, and I've always wanted to make everyone who ever made you doubt yourself pay for their cruelty.”  
  
“Oi,” she had to interject, finding something to speak of that's as far removed from their key topic as possible. “You don't count my mother among them, do you? I'm the only one of us who has the right to complain about her!”  
  
He frowned. “You have no idea how much I had to restrain my tongue that last time.” His voice was surprisingly calm for the circumstances, but – strangely – holding back anger gave him a form of clarity. “If she hadn't bonded with Jenny, I doubt even you could've stopped me from snapping at her.”  
  
Protective prawn, she thought with a smile. “I don't need defending, Spaceman.”  
  
He clutched her hands more tightly. “But I can't help it. Soon after meeting you, I wanted to show you the universe, to give you every opportunity to see how special you are, and how much of a difference you could make. It hurt that you said no, that you were afraid of me. Retrieving your dog was an attempt to ease your fears. I was hoping – in vain, obviously – that you'd change your mind.”  
  
Donna was stunned. He doesn't sound like he'd normally go to all that trouble...  
  
“But you left me with a valuable gift. See, I was in the worst state of my life when we met. I was beating myself up over what happened with Rose, and feeling doomed to be alone. What good Rose _had_ done by being around – youthful energy and sharing my excitement over going off on adventures being chief among them – was fading quickly. Then you burst into my life, leaving me with no time to ponder my mistakes. You got through to me when my inner darkness threatened to take over completely. You saved my life, gave me hope, and the motivation to go on.”  
  
She blushed fiercely, trying to not think about how _that_ could be taken. Can't get my hopes up...  
  
He carried on, a smile on his face and in his voice. “You won't let me get away with anything, you challenge beliefs I've held as true since I was a boy, and have reminded me of the importance of the little things in life. There's never been anyone like you, Donna, and I don't think anyone else would've been able to make me see Jenny for what she is: my daughter. I could have lost so much without you and your insistence on handling things like humans do. I'd be forever grateful just for that.”  
  
Donna tensed. Every instinct was telling her that something was coming that she wouldn't like, but she forced herself to stay put. “Well, um, you're welcome.” Oh, how trite, she thought.  
  
Sensing his ship readying to send another slap, the Doctor pushed on. “But I get scared a lot around you.” Seeing her surprise, he quickly added, “I've never felt so much fear for a companion's life as whenever we're in danger. I desperately want to keep you safe, and then I often want to be the recipient of your smiles. I hadn't thought it possible, with me wearing that damned belt, but...”  
  
He choked on the words, and Donna's worries grew exponentially. “But what...?”  
  
Now he could barely hold her gaze. “When I saw your face on that Node, I realized that I was cursing Romana for preventing me from pursuing what I wanted: a life with the woman I'd fallen for.”  
  
She froze completely. For the first time in her life, Donna's mind was incapable of thought.  
  
Near panic, he blurted out his thoughts, words coming as rapidly as they'd ever come from his mouth. “I know it goes against what we agreed to after the Adipose incident, but I didn't realize it until I thought it was too late. And then River Song knew my name, something that only my _wife_ should be able to know, and that made me feel sick. I didn't want to father any more children if you couldn't be the mother, so I was ready to give my life to save you and Jenny. The other 4,000 people were incidental. Only you two mattered. Then River gave hers, but not before saying that she was my _daughter_. I... then felt more depressed, because I had no reason to think you might be the one that TARDIS would give the key to-”  
  
A loud gasp escaped Donna as a memory from earlier clicked. (TARDIS would never admit to nudging her with a prompt.) She found the strength to pull away, knocking her chair over, and rush to her room.  
  
Finally getting what it meant to have the living daylights scared out of you, the Doctor ran after her, shouting her name. TARDIS, he silently screamed, there will be hell to pay if I can't convince her to stay!  
  
His ship didn't bother to answer him. Or even acknowledge that he spoke.  
  
In the quickest run to her room (TARDIS moved things around again), Donna burst inside and rushed to her bedside. Looking at the spot her memory showed her.  
  
The Doctor was right behind her, but stopped in the doorway, winded. “Donna, please. I'll never say anything again if you-”  
  
“Oh, my God.” The whisper stopped his words. All Donna could do was reach out to her nightstand, gently pick up the object, and turn slowly to show it.  
  
His eyes widened and jaw dropped as he saw a key with Gallifreyan symbols. A note was attached, forming the English phrase, “Unlock your future, Donna Noble.”  
  
  
[Chapter 14: Romana's Selfless Gift](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4637.html)


	15. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The money chapter, people! Thank you for your patience. This is as close as this story comes to crossing the line into M, as it turns out, but it doesn't quite make it. Whew!

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 14  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

  
**Author's Note:** The money chapter, people! Thank you for your patience. This is as close as this story comes to crossing the line into M, as it turns out, but it doesn't quite make it. Whew!  
  


[P](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html) / [4](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html) / [5](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2350.html) / [6](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2603.html) / [7](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2971.html) / [8](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3279.html) / [9](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3454.html) / [10](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3816.html) / [11](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3969.html) / [12](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4163.html) / [13](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4557.html)

  
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: ROMANA'S SELFLESS GIFT  
  
Neither person could move or speak. The truth had hit them both with the unstoppable power of a mega tsunami.  
  
“I saw it last night,” Donna whispered, “after we left the Library. I was so drained that it barely registered. TARDIS pointed it out to me this morning, but I ignored it, claiming I needed to relax.” Her hand trembled, and her heart was galloping like a stampede.  
  
His hearts had lost all clear rhythm. All this time, he slowly realized, I worried about nothing...?  
  
Well, Donna thought as she swallowed, no point in keeping it a secret now. “In the computer, I woke in some hospital. A Dr. Moon was in charge, and he introduced me to Jenny – who came to as a small child, unbelievably confused by that state – and her... “father,” John Smith.”  
  
The Doctor caught the connection immediately. Still, he whispered, “Me?”  
  
She nodded, still unable to look away from the key, either. The inscribed words were taunting her. “Life in the computer was like the... grammar of the telly: it jumped from place to place, and time to time. Before I knew it, I was married, gained a step-daughter – you know, we never knew who the computer thought was her birth mother; that was never revealed even to Jenny – and soon had twins.”  
  
“Joshua and Ella.” He swallowed. “Was it... What was it like?”  
  
Donna found this part the hardest to say. “It... felt... so nice. Like it was meant to be. When I was back in the Library proper, I first thought it created a version of you because it would make it easier to convince Jenny and me that we were in reality. But it didn't explain why I was so saddened to lose... 'you.' And it soon dawned on me that my own feelings had been growing steadily the whole of our journey together – sometimes in leaps and bounds.” She didn't dare voice the thought that something might have started back when he'd done all those nice things for her after saving her life that first time.  
  
They stood stock still, both trying to wrap their minds around everything that the key in Donna's hand represented. “I've always wondered,” the Doctor finally spoke, “what this moment would be like. When I thought it wasn't possible for you to be Her, I was dreading it. Because it surely meant that you would leave – and I didn't want that.”  
  
She managed a smile. “I hadn't intended to until I was sure that she could stand up to you, stop you. Didn't think that your Time-Lady would think I could keep doing it. But I'm worried about what happens... to you... after I die.”  
  
His breath hitched. He'd been avoiding thinking about this; it was too close to their adventures' risks. He hoped that her insecurities, fears were talking – driven by the nerves of the moment. “Donna-”  
  
“I need a promise from you,” she interrupted. “Promise me that you'll never go too far once I'm gone. That, somehow, the memory of me and the influence of... our children...” (God, that sounds so strange, she felt.) “...will be enough to restrain you.”  
  
Given how far he nearly went that first time they met, the Doctor understood her concern, and suspected that she needed the assurance that grief wouldn't drive him into such depths again. I hope we have long enough together that I can build that strength. “I promise I'll never betray your memory, in any way.” It was the only thing he could say – and he would make good on it. No matter what it cost him.  
  
A huge sigh escaped Donna's mouth, taking a bunch of tension away with it into the ether. It relaxed him as well, although neither made any move toward the other.  
  
Donna suddenly laughed. “God, what are we? Teenagers about to have their first time?”  
  
He felt a wry grin cross his face. “Our first together. But I know what you mean about this jittery business. Never thought I'd actually get something I wanted and it wouldn't hurt the universe. It still feels impossible.”  
  
She grinned. He talks at his fastest when he's anxious... “Don't you mean just a bit... unlikely?”  
  
“Oi!” Somehow, the teasing was pushing more of the tension, the anxiety away. And yet they still couldn't move.  
  
God, this tension is gonna build again if we don't do something, Donna thought. So she tapped into the wit that had gotten her through a lot of situations. “Well, I never thought I'd be the one to say this to you, but... Doctor, it's time to drop trou!”  
  
They both blushed, the insanity evident to both. He exhaled with an awkward laugh and closed the door behind him. Not letting Jenny or Lee find out about this, he thought. There are some things a child _never_ needs to know about their parents...  
  
Donna's shaking didn't decrease as she watched his own hands fumble with getting the belt undone. He's just as nervous as I am, she marveled. Why isn't that knowledge comforting me?  
  
He wasn't doing much better, although his fingers – they picked a fine time to lose all coordination, he silently grumbled – finally managed to undo the buttons and zipper. Yet he couldn't make his hands lower the pants. I'm not having performance anxiety, am I?!  
  
She had to gulp down a new wave of nerves. “Do I have to come over and pull them down?!” Oh, God, I sounded like a tiny child there with that squeak! Can't have him thinking I'm not interested!  
  
Okay, he told himself, it's time to find out what happens next... And he pushed the trousers over his hips. But couldn't move any further.  
  
This is such a comical image, Donna noted, seeing him with pants around his ankles and his Converse still on. Thank God I have enough restraint to not laugh... Although she had to note on the apparent slot for the key, “I hope that those are bigger than they look, 'cause it looks like I could hurt you putting it in there.”  
  
The Doctor blushed again, glancing down. “Yeah, they're like the TARDIS or my pockets.”  
  
A thought crossed her awareness, and it seemed worth voicing. “Was that keyhole visible to Mickey...?”  
  
The blush became stronger. “Shouldn't have been. Not that much. It should've looked just like a design to his eyes. Perception filter apparently was on. Which I should've realized at the time, but things were too new for me to remember certain obvious things...”  
  
And, since she enjoyed a naughty joke, Donna had to observe, “She just _had_ to place it strategically, didn't she?”  
  
Looking down, through the dangling shirt, he realized that she was right. So this, he thought, is what it feels like when people say their face burn from embarrassment... He could only clear his throat, and nod.  
  
Better get this first part over with, Donna sighed. She slowly approached him, adjusting the key until she just barely had a grip on its edge. “So this is the first time you've seen your... little Time-Lord... since your Eighth self? You never got to know what your last self was packing, which sounds really strange – for a male.”  
  
Although he knew she was babbling to cover her nerves, the Doctor was struck by the point she raised. Really, he hadn't given it much thought; too much anger over still being alive and then figuring out how to keep saving the universe. “Well,” he squeaked, “I hope I'm not one of those men who are obsessed with their own equipment.”  
  
She smirked. “Guess we'll be finding out what you got this time, won't we?”  
  
He recalled hearing rumors that Earth females discussed male size amongst themselves. Please, he prayed, let her be at least okay with whatever differences there are between me and human males...  
  
Donna smiled over his obvious discomfort, and felt a bit of courage return as she stopped. It was within her reach without straining, and now... “What's that word you like to use before we go on an adventure?”  
  
A smile crossed his face at the attempt to comfort them both. “Allons-y.”  
  
She smiled back, still filled with nerves. “Allons-y, then.” So she carefully inserted the key...  
  
And they both screamed as bright, golden light exploded around them.  
  
As their eyes adjusted to the brightness, they became aware of a ghostly figure appearing next to them. _You've found each other at last._  
  
The Doctor faced the figure in complete shock. “Romana?!”  
  
Donna's head whipped to face the image of the woman whose influence had haunted him for years. How-?  
  
 _Raise your hands to each other's head. Doctor, show her where._  
  
He slowly did, guiding her hands until her fingers touched his head like his had hers on the Oodsphere, and then brought his own to those same spots. How can she be here, he thought in disbelief, and why is she doing this?  
  
Donna hoped that he had figured out what this hands-on-the-head thing was about, but his own confusion did nothing to relieve hers. Then a chanting began in what Donna knew had to be Gallifreyan even thought she couldn't understand it. Soon, she felt something pressing against her waking mind – something that wouldn't be tangible to anyone else but her and the Doctor. Moments later, she realized it was like the Oodsphere times an ungodly number. Then she suddenly understood Romana's words – and realized that she could now literally feel the Doctor's emotions. (The only ones she could plainly identify were shock, disbelief, uncertainty, gratitude, and love.)  
  
 _I now entrust you, Donna Noble_ , Romana said after finishing the chant, _the most important woman in all of Creation, with the hearts of the last living son of Gallifrey. Go forth, and be magnificent together. Raise a new generation of Children of Gallifrey to be what the Time-Lords ought to have been. And may you_ finally _be happy and at peace, my Doctor..._  
  
Donna could feel the regret and sadness in the woman's voice, and just knew that it took a lot of character to be able to let the man you love go into another woman's arms. And all for the sake of the future. Does that mean I have her respect and trust...?  
  
Then the light faded, leaving the Doctor and Donna standing still, hands still touching each other's head. It was then that they realized they'd been staring into each other's eyes from the moment Romana had given the first instructions. Only when his hands numbly left her head did she let hers fall back to her sides. “What just happened,” Donna whispered. “What did she do?”  
  
The Doctor was stunned as his mind sifted through the results, and his own Time-Lord knowledge. _She... She created a psychic link between us_.  
  
Donna gasped. “I can hear you in my mind like I can the TARDIS!”  
  
He nodded numbly. _And you can now speak in the same way to me. Just focus on communicating with me..._  
  
Startled, Donna couldn't think for a moment. But then she tried. _Like this?_  
  
A beaming smile shone on his face. _Yes, you did it!_  
  
Donna's eyes searched his. _But what's this about? And how can a human be able to do this?_  
  
He had to think about both of her questions for a moment. _I'd... I'd forgotten about this, but sometimes two Gallifreyans developed such a bond that they wanted to be linked for as long as they both lived. Marriages happened without them all the time, but those particular couples sought the highest, most sacred marriage bond known to Time-Lords. It allows them to remain connected through regenerations. So few ever reached that state because you had to be so sure about it, have thought through the implications._  
  
She couldn't help her smirk. _In other words, no wonder you never experienced this._  
  
 _Oi!_ Even when she rattled his cage, it was hard to stay angry at Donna. Probably a good thing, given how hard she slapped. But he added, _I suppose Romana figured out a way for a human's mind to permit such a bond. I'm not sure how, though..._  
  
Donna laughed out loud, but the sound was practically musical to both of their ears from sheer relief. “So we're married?” Good, I still speak.  
  
He had to remember how to talk again, but he managed, “Yep.” Now he knew that feeling he had when he saw Donna at Adipose Industries was euphoria; he was feeling it again, only exponentially stronger.  
  
They both let out shrieks of joy, relieved that the universe wasn't separating them, and threw their arms around each other for a huge hug... and both gasped as something... _very hard_... said hello to Donna.  
  
The Doctor let out a big curse in Gallifreyan as he remembered one of Romana's warnings from back before the Time Lock. His arms reflexively clutched her, but he trembled from the struggle to keep still. “Donna, she warned me that every suppressed urge would come back with a vengeance once the Belt was off. I have no way to know how much self-control this body has regarding libido...”  
  
Through the bond, Donna felt the sudden onslaught of his desire – all focused on her. Oh, God, she thought in a momentary panic, am I always going to become aroused if he is?!  
  
“I wish I... knew, Donna,” he ground out, struggling with the haze his mind was in and yet still sensing her worry. “Having... trouble thinking; this... whole thing is... new for me.”  
  
Well, she thought as she gathered her courage, better have mercy on him – before he explodes in a way I don't want. Trying for levity, she said, “Guess you'd better get those pants completely off before we trip over them.”  
  
She'd never seen him move so quickly, or agree with her without a hint of disagreement. Not that she had time to comment; his hands drew her mouth to his because he couldn't resist any longer. And she stopped thinking completely as his hands began their own journey...  
  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/  
  
Some time later, Jenny was wandering through the TARDIS halls. Lee had finally fallen asleep from their long day, but she couldn't rest. Worry about her dad's mental state, and about her parents' future, kept her mind from relaxing. So she wanted to check on her mum to see what happened.  
  
And determine whether she would need to nick her dad's Sonic for a little closet-style matchmaking...  
  
When she saw the tea had been abandoned and two chairs knocked over, she got very concerned. Immediately she went hunting for her parents – or at least her mother.  
  
Soon she felt that the ship was giving her the run-around – as her mother had described the Old Girl's habit of making you lose your way a few times in the maze of hallways – and stopped, crossing her arms in a huff. “Come on! I just want to talk with Mum!”  
  
TARDIS made a murmur of disapproval. Before Jenny could argue, she saw the rooms shift again, and finally spotted Donna's room. She rushed forward, but stopped in a bigger hurry.  
  
On the door was a sign that wasn't there before. In Gallifreyan, it read: “Privacy, Please. Do Not Disturb.”  
  
She had to think about that; she'd never seen anything like it. Then TARDIS nudged her with a mental wink. And she got it. “You did it, Old Girl! You got them to see the light!”  
  
Then the implications of what the sign meant hit her young, innocent mind. She ran to her bathroom, hit with the sudden horror – mixed with a bit of nausea – of realizing that her _parents_ were shagging.  
  
  
[Chapter 15: Facing Family and Friends](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4969.html)


	16. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 15  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

  
  
**Author's Note** : This one kept growing despite my efforts to reign it in, so I'm relieved that [](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/profile)[**bas_math_girl**](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/)  helped me stop it where we did. If you want someone to blame, look no further than [](https://juliaaurelia.livejournal.com/profile)[**juliaaurelia**](https://juliaaurelia.livejournal.com/)  for inciting my muse... Jenny acts out in this chapter, proving that she's still very much a kid. Mind, she's got a good reason for it...

[P](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html) / [4](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html) / [5](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2350.html) / [6](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2603.html) / [7](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2971.html) / [8](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3279.html) / [9](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3454.html) / [10](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3816.html) / [11](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3969.html) / [12](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4163.html) / [13](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4557.html) / [14](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4637.html)  


  
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: FACING FAMILY AND FRIENDS  
  
The newly bonded couple _finally_ stumbled out of Donna's room, each with an arm around the other. Both were extremely dazed, wearing almost matching silly grins, and walking rather carefully – as though their legs weren't entirely confident of their ability to carry their respective owners.  
  
No surprise, given that even _he'd_ lost track of the number of rounds...  
  
The entire thing seemed a little surreal to both, but the ability to sense each other's feelings was something that not even their imaginations could dream up. She hadn't known it was possible, and he'd never thought it could happen with someone from a non-telepathic species. But the _right_ woman now knew his real name, and it felt better than he'd imagined to hear it. Whether while... engaged, or during one of their many – and lengthy – talks about all sorts of things.  
  
And holding her while she got _needed_ sleep? Probably the _most_ domestic thing he'd ever done, and yet he _really_ liked it! Especially getting to stroke her beautiful ginger locks...  
  
But how the hell did Romana manage to insert a bit of herself into the essence of the Belt? “Really,” Donna had noted during one of their breathers, “it has to be the kinkiest part of the whole thing.”  
  
He hadn't argued the point. If it weren't for the gift of Donna being his wife, the Doctor might have been completely wigged out over the idea.  
  
And during another break, a worry dawned on him. An _extremely_ delayed reaction to Lee's presence on board. Donna had to reassure him that Jenny and Lee were _nowhere near_ that serious yet. She also had to quickly distract him from his prayer that his daughter wouldn't figure out – at least not for a _long_ time – any of the... creative uses for a respiratory bypass...  
  
Bonding worked up quite the appetite – although Donna finally got it into her hear that her new husband was _completely delighted_ with how her body was, so she was learning to restrain her tongue on that topic. However, the TARDIS kept providing food and water – or whatever drinks Donna felt like – whenever needed. “Think your ship,” Donna murmured between a needed snack, “is hinting that she wants little Time-Lords running around?”  
  
The Doctor had to laugh at the old girl's antics. “I never thought I'd be happy she pushed me, but I hope she never does it again.”  
  
The TARDIS was silent, knowing her pilot was hoping for too much. _Maybe_ he'd figure that out one day...  
  
They approached the kitchen in comfortable silence, mostly listening to the background sounds generated by each other's feelings. They saw Lee sitting over breakfast, reading something from the TARDIS library, and Jenny – having already eaten her own food – with the TARDIS cell phone.  
  
“Oh, hello, Aunt Martha,” Jenny spoke, sounding a bit unsure of herself. “I was hoping to talk with you about my mum and dad.”  
  
The Doctor froze, and Donna nearly stumbled from the surprise. _When did she figure out how to call Martha_ , he asked in a growing panic. _We haven't taught her anything about phoning!_  
  
“I've been kind of left to my own devices 'cause Mum and Dad – finally! – saw what the rest of us have been. They definitely can't claim they're not a couple after the TARDIS put a honest-to-God 'Do Not Disturb' sign – in Gallifreyan, no less! – on Mum's door!”  
  
Donna was mortified. Didn't speak well of your parenting skills if you neglected your kid for a shag. Even if the kid was practically an adult – except for some rather critical knowledge about people, even if she was a fast learner.  
  
The Doctor would have breathed a sigh of relief that it was just a message, but... He stormed over, stopping Jenny's next words and startling Lee, and yanked the phone out of her hand. Closing it, he knew it was time to remind her whose ship this was. “And _what_ ,” he growled quietly, “gave you the idea that you had the right to call someone to talk about your parents?”  
  
 _Oh, don't be so hard on her_ , Donna reminded him, adding an embarrassed smile to her silent words. _She wanted us to be together, even tried to push me to tell you about the Library_.  
  
Lee spoke up. “I t-tried to t-talk her out of it. I c-couldn't this time.”  
  
Not acknowledging the truth of Lee's words, Jenny glared at her father. “I figured it out because I wanted to ask someone who isn't part of my...” She had to pause to think of a phrase that covered the ambiguous nature of what Lee was to her at that moment. “...immediate family about men and women. You know, as happy as I am that I won't have to deal with anyone taking Mum's place, I discovered that there are certain things that a kid is better off not knowing about her parents. I'm _so_ grateful that the TARDIS muffled any sounds.”  
  
Both adults blushed. Hard. And she wasn't done. “Besides, I think I've got a right to be angry over being ignored for...” She double-checked her internal clock, and shuddered. “...over _four_ Earth days...”  
  
Donna's face nearly turned red. _Oh, my God... Were we really in there that long...?_  
  
The Doctor's face had never had so much color in it as the truth of Jenny's accusation hit. He knew his shock alone would answer Donna's question. He sent a silent curse at the TARDIS for... encouraging them to have an extended lie-in. His mood didn't improve when he sensed that Jenny's reaction was the _only_ thing his ship was sorry for.  
  
They had no idea that the Old Girl had an agenda with her meddling, that she felt completely justified in her actions...  
  
Jenny found considerable satisfaction in their mortified faces, but she hadn't finished making her point. “Lee and the TARDIS kept telling me that there's a lot that I don't know about your situation, and relationships in general. She tried keeping me distracted with lessons, but I wanted them to be given by people who know to not speak in riddles all the time.” Then she grinned evilly, thinking of a way guaranteed to mess with her dad's head. “Frankly, you two _should_ have thought about what I _might_ have gotten myself into in the meanwhile...”  
  
 _That_ was a thought her father didn't need; his hands clenched the table and the phone. Only the innocent – and alarmed – look on Lee's face kept him in check. Donna tried to silently convince him that those thoughts weren't occurring to their girl yet, and hurried over to re-enforce the thoughts with her touch, but his protective father mode was running too high.  
  
“But anyway,” Jenny said grimly, needing to change the subject, “you can try to explain yourselves later. I'm afraid Martha's in trouble.”  
  
The room seemed to chill. Donna broke the silence generated by Jenny's worried tone and words. “What makes you think that?”  
  
“I've seen you call Nan and Gramps, and those calls _always_ go through. It's because the TARDIS manipulates the timing so that it reaches them at a time they can answer, right, Dad?” When he nodded, she demanded, “So why isn't Martha able to answer?!”  
  
 _I didn't realize how quickly she bonded with Martha_ , the Doctor – in a bit of a daze – told Donna.  
  
 _No big surprise_ , Donna answered, also a bit stunned. _You didn't see them when we found Jenny new clothes. And, you know, that whole thing about the phones never occurred to me before. I think we should check up on Martha, just for Jenny's peace of mind_.  
  
 _And ours_ , he added, sad for all he'd done wrong. _Besides, we owe her for... indulging ourselves..._ He was afraid that explaining the Belt would be the price for Jenny's silence on what had just happened.  
  
  
  
  
The Doctor wasn't sure quite where on Earth they'd landed, or when. But it was dark outside. “Blimey,” Donna muttered, “why doesn't this reassure me that it's just horribly distracting monthly troubles?”  
  
He didn't have an answer. A check of the TARDIS' systems had been unclear whether Martha was in danger, but it showed that something not good was happening in the time-frame the missed calls were going to. Although it probably meant that the humans would handle it, Jenny's fears would not be swayed by anything other than checking it out for themselves.  
  
She was really starting to become Donna's Daughter as well as his own. The Doctor believed that it would be a good thing in the end.  
  
He nearly, however, blew a gasket when Jenny emerged with Lee... and what looked like a hand-gun in her grip. “What is _that_?!”  
  
“It's a stun gun, Dad,” she blurted before he could, remembering his distaste for weapons. “I read that some Earth policemen use them as a non-lethal alternative, and I thought at least one might come in handy given all the dangers we go through – because you can't always use words to stop people.” The moments around her death were fuzzy, but she'd been struck – and still a bit confused – by his apparent refusal to kill her murderer. “So I've been building one in my spare moments on board. Various settings for different species. You two gave me... _plenty_ of time to finish it.” Then she ran to a spot to scan from safely – with Lee just barely keeping up, to protect her.  
  
Her movements reminded the Doctor too much of what she was like on Messaline before Donna really got into him for ignoring Jenny, before he had realized what she was. It still gripped him in horror – even with the verbal slap for leaving her unexpectedly without guidance.  
  
Until Donna touched his arm and grabbed his hand, gently tugging him along. _She's modifying her soldier instincts into more peaceful methods_ , she soothed his worried mind. _You've got to give her time to figure out her best methods for stopping trouble. Besides, those instincts might come in handy on reconnaissance, right?_  
  
With his protective instincts running rampant – partially out of guilt, her words only made a slight dent. Which disappeared when Jenny stiffened, whipped around the corner and fired one blast. His and Donna's steps quickened, and they saw Jenny lower her weapon, showing her hands as if she had weapons trained on her, and go, “Was Lab-Coat there the only bad guy uncaught?”  
  
“Yes,” came a female response. “You might have saved Owen's life.” That Welsh voice sounds very familiar, the Doctor realized. Where have I heard it before?  
  
Then Jenny looked harder at something or someone, and paled. “Oh, my God! How is she?!” And she rushed out of sight, with Lee coming out to follow her.  
  
The Doctor and Donna rushed forward, only just catching the last bit of what was said in response by a man. “She needs rest, but should be fine.”  
  
They turned the corner, and both were shocked to see Jenny examining Martha – who was barely standing as her weight was supported by a man neither recognized – and several others were nearby. They weren't spotted by the others, but the Doctor froze when he saw their leader. _Who's that_ , Donna immediately asked, _and what is it about him that makes you uneasy?_  
  
His answer: _A good person... basically, but..._ always _trouble_.  
  
“You definitely saved Owen's life,” the leader spoke, his American accent a stark contrast to his team. He approached Jenny, who had already holstered her gun and was helping Owen support Martha's weight, and took her free hand – with a huge grin – for a kiss. “And who might you be?”  
  
“Don't, Jack.” The growl was nothing like Donna had ever heard come from his mouth. She could feel the tension radiating off his body, and Donna knew that he was horribly unnerved by this flirt. More so than usual, evidently.  
  
Jack looked up, and his grin – which momentarily vanished in shock – became bigger. Jenny, perturbed by his reaction to her dad, cut off whatever he was about to say. “You didn't say what your name is.”  
  
The Doctor relaxed a bit, hearing Jenny's suspicious tone. The man who nearly kissed her hand was surprised, but quickly grinned again. “Captain Jack Harkness, at your service.” Then he did kiss it.  
  
Jenny's eyebrows raised, and Lee looked almost as tense as the Doctor felt to Donna. This man, Jenny thought, seems... wrong somehow. I can't figure it out... “You're a flirt.”  
  
Matter-of-fact, that's my girl. “With no preferences in terms of sentient species or gender,” the Doctor added, grimly. He would have remained where he was, but he had to check on Martha. It couldn't be natural for someone with a dark complexion to look _that_ pale.  
  
But his feet wouldn't move. Trouble was, he didn't want Jack anywhere near Donna if he could help it. And Donna, he knew, will follow me closely, which won't keep any distance between them...  
  
It was strange to think that he now _wished_ Rose had fallen for the former con-man... Would have made my life a lot easier...  
  
“I suppose,” Jenny said carefully, interrupting Jack again, “that it's a pleasure to meet one of... the Doctor's friends.” She wondered what reason her father had for not wanting them to meet, and suspected it was a good one. It was why she didn't immediately identify who she was. “Now release my hand before I have to hurt you.”  
  
Jack dropped her hand, startled, but quickly recovered his composure. “Sounds like it'd be fun.”  
  
“Jack!” The warning in the Doctor's voice snapped Jack out of his good mood, and made him back up a bit as the Doctor approached with his Sonic Screwdriver to scan Martha. The Torchwood team had no clue what was going on.  
  
But Martha did, and she laughed, which reassured the Doctor and Jenny. “Jack, if you want to keep any goodwill from the Doctor, you'd better cease flirting with Jenny. Right now.”  
  
That warning stunned Jack into silence. While he tried to figure out what “Jenny” could be to the Doctor that he'd be practically turning into the Oncoming Storm over a harmless bit of flirting, Donna cleared her throat loudly and followed the Doctor. “Excuse me. Normally I'd say this is the time for introductions, but maybe we should take care of any prisoners and get Martha to an infirmary first.”  
  
Jack's command mind resumed functioning, and he shook his head. “Oh, that prisoner's not going anywhere without us.” The dark-haired woman who reminded the Doctor of someone was helping a man who sounded Welsh bind the man who had apparently held a gun on Owen. “And Martha just needs lots of rest, and maybe some fluids. So let me start the introductions.” He just pointed, sensing that the Time-Lord's patience was unusually short – although he walked toward him just because he could. “Owen Harper, Tosh Sato, Gwen Cooper, and Ianto Jones. So who are your new companions, Doctor?”  
  
The Doctor groaned loudly, but stopped when Donna told him, _Really, Sunshine, you're wasting everyone's time_. He sighed, and gestured. “Donna Noble, Lee ____, and... Jenny.”  
  
Donna, blatantly ignoring her husband's mental warnings because it sounded like it might be fun to flirt a _bit_ with this man, extended her hand with a smile. “Pleasure to meet you, Captain, although Spaceman here has never breathed a word about you.”  
  
Jack gasped in semi-mock affront. “Am I that forgettable?!”  
  
But Donna was completely affronted that he merely shook her hand and focused completely on the Doctor. He thinks I'm not even _worth_ flirting with! Then she sensed that her husband – although he agreed that Jack clearly lacked some taste if he wasn't at least intrigued by her – was very happy that she wasn't on the Immortal's radar.  
  
Of course, her mind caught on _one_ part of his thoughts. “What?! He's _immortal_?!”  
  
“Really?!” Jenny was only a bit less confused, although it explained the weirdness she sensed about Jack – that wasn't connected with his behavior. “No wonder he doesn't seem like a typical human.”  
  
“Wait a minute!” Owen had had enough of being left out, and – being a doctor himself – that last part needed addressing. “You're _not_ human, either?”  
  
She shook her head. “No, I'm a Time-Lady.”  
  
Jack whipped his head to face her, then whirled to face the the Doctor. “I thought you and the Master were the only ones who survived the Time Lock!”  
  
“We were,” the Doctor explained, not very patiently. This was trying his nerves worse than when Lady Cassandra O'Brien took over his body. That _still_ gave him nightmares – and had made Rose's unwanted affection more evident. “She was... created afterward.”  
  
Jenny found his unusual concise phrasing quite amusing. “Oh, come on, you can't say that I was born from a sample of your blood, Dad?”  
  
The entire Torchwood team started over that. “ _Dad_?!”  
  
Martha laughed aloud – a bit weakly for her, but still delighted – and pulled away from Owen to hug Jenny. “So what led to you seeking me out?”  
  
Jenny grinned, finally relieved. Besides, here was a chance to actually have fun at her parents' expense. “Oh, just news about Mum and Dad.”  
  
Martha didn't miss the matching blushes on the subjects of her curiosity, and her smile turned positively gleeful. “So they finally woke up to reality?”  
  
Donna joined the Doctor in groaning aloud. But their horror grew when Jenny – sporting the most wicked grin – leaned in to whisper in Martha's ear for several seconds.  
  
Martha's jaw slowly dropped and she swore her eyes were about to explode. Looking at the Doctor and Donna, she blurted, “Over _four_ days?!”  
  
Donna, realizing that Jenny was acting like a rebelling teenager, had it. “Right, we've had enough of this. Lee, go help Martha get stabilized. Call us with the time when you've arrived at Torchwood and not only is she settled but the prisoners are locked up.” Her tone brooked no argument, and then it turned a bit harsher as she grabbed Jenny's arm. “Sweetheart, your dad and I need to talk with you.” She waited for Lee and Owen to support Martha before force-marching Jenny back to the TARDIS.  
  
The young Time-Lady squeaked in shock, but she'd never seen her mum act angry at her before. She realized that she was in trouble with both of her parents. This was an ugly, scary first...  
  
The Doctor let them pass, holding his own frustration tightly within. I'm not looking forward to this, he thought. Instead of giving any hints, he managed to lightly touch Martha's shoulder, and even smile a little. “I'm glad you're going to be all right,” he said, quietly. “We'll see you shortly.” He nodded to Lee, trusting that he didn't need to give any instructions. His walk back, however, was only a measured version of the storming he'd done earlier – when Jack was trying his patience and paternal instincts.  
  
  
  
  
Donna had made Jenny sit on the Jump Seat for her home truths. The Doctor closed the doors, and heaved a disappointed sigh. “You told Martha something that's not fit for public knowledge.”  
  
Jenny looked back and forth between her parents. Never before had her lack of knowledge about living seemed bigger, and she sensed that she had crossed a line that she felt she should have known about. Remembering the story about when her parents met, she had to ask, in a small voice, “Am I going to be slapped for this?”  
  
Both of them exclaimed, “No!” Donna knelt at her side to explain. “Love, we know that – for all the knowledge you have – you're still very much a child who needs to learn how to interact with others. We never intended to leave you on your own like that.”  
  
The Doctor nodded, resting a reassuring hand on Jenny's shoulder. “And believe me, I'm going to have words with the Old Girl over her actions.”  
  
Jenny didn't miss how his eyes – with a glint she'd never seen in them – drifted to his mallet, or the ship's almost squawking protest in response. Still, she thought, one thing I don't get. “But how can two parents get so distracted by... whatever you two were doing... that they forget to monitor their child?”  
  
Both blushed, and Donna looked at the Doctor. _I think you were right about the price of her silence..._  
  
His blush strengthened, and his free hand rubbed his neck. Knowing who they were going to deal with, and that he had to get this over with, he motioned for his girls to join him in sitting on the Console Room floor. His focus was unbalanced, but he tried to remember the more awkward talks with his children on Gallifrey – to give him a reference point. And quickly realized that he needed Donna's help.  
  
“Okay,” he began once they settled into semi-comfortable positions, “you know about my age, regenerating, Gallifrey and the Time War. I'll have to tell you about your half-siblings and their children some other time.”  
  
That made Jenny's jaw drop. Donna managed a wan smile. “904 years old, and you thought he hadn't had a family before us?”  
  
Her mind was having trouble processing what she heard. “You mean... you and Dad... were each once with other people...?”  
  
Donna's smile grew indulgent at the horror in the girl's voice. Reminds me, she thought, of when I realized what my parents were really doing when they had “private time” together... “We didn't know about each other until almost two years ago. No one ever knows exactly who they'll be with – or if they'll be with someone. There are so many unknowns.”  
  
Jenny felt her confusion compound. “So one could be with a lot of... different people... before finding someone...?” Her disgust was growing. “Oh, my God... Think of the health risks!”  
  
Donna vaguely remembered someone once saying that when you have sex with someone, you're also having sex with everyone else they had ever had sex with before meeting you. “Yeah,” she muttered, “I suppose most people don't think about disease vectors when they're falling in lust or love.”  
  
The Doctor flinched at the thought, and sighed. “Anyway,” he stressed, “there were quite a few people who traveled with me before I met your Mum. I'll tell you about them when we have a quieter moment. But one of them was a Time-Lady who foresaw that I'd be with your Mum one day, and apparently she didn't trust that I'd be... ready for her if left completely to my own... devices.” He was holding on to the hope that certain things wouldn't have to be said, which altered his wording of the situation.  
  
Jenny frowned, then raised her eyebrows. “Guess she didn't tell you who to expect; you would've been a couple much sooner, otherwise.”  
  
Donna snorted. “Well, he might've been ready a lot sooner. I probably wouldn't have been. Your dad had to grow on me first.”  
  
“Yeah, he scared you that first time,” Jenny murmured aloud, reflecting on what wasn't being said. “So what did she do to keep you...” Her mind fished for a good word, and when it did, she snorted. “...pure for Mum?”  
  
The blushing increased. _Yep_ , he sighed, _we're not getting out of this one_. So Donna had to describe the medieval contraption known to Earthlings as a chastity belt. Jenny was angered on behalf of its victims and disgusted at the perpetrators, but wondered, “But what's that got to do with-” She cut herself off as the answer hit her, and she whipped her head to face her father. “She put _you_ in one?!” Oh, God, she thought, that means she saw him – Ugh, that's gross!  
  
Even when her parents explained – in extremely general terms – how the Belt affected the Doctor, Jenny couldn't understand it, and – frankly – didn't want to. Whatever she and Lee had could take its sweet time; she wasn't ready to have anything stuck inside her!  
  
She had no idea how grateful her father was to realize that...  
  
  
  
  
When they arrived at Torchwood Cardiff, in an attempt to ward off further discussion, the Doctor asked Gwen questions about her family history, as he suddenly made the connection to meeting Charles Dickins. It worked for a bit, but then the never expected Spanish Inquisition began.  
  
Martha led the questioning, after helping explain Jenny's existence, and managed to drag the extremely embarrassing basics out of the couple. They thought about admitting to the Belt, but it had been embarrassing enough to tell Jenny, and they weren't about to give Jack extra ammunition.  
  
Watching her parents try very hard to withhold personal details – yep, she thought as she reflected on what she'd been told earlier, I wouldn't admit to the truth, either – made it easier for Jenny to forgive them. Mum was right that some thorough teasing was a great way of releasing tension and anger. It also helped her deal with the strange people around her. Especially the Immortal Human who was still using his eyes to flirt with her. She finally had to tell him, in a loud voice reminiscent of her mother, “Listen, Captain Hard-On: I find knowing that someone is... interested... in my _dad_ – of all people! – a complete turn-off.”  
  
It suitably deflated Jack. And amused Tosh and Gwen to no end; finally, a woman completely immune to their boss' charms! They hoped to see more of her; she might be fun to have around! Owen and Ianto were also rather amused by the whole situation – Ianto, in particular. Martha was laughing herself sick.  
  
For the parents – especially the Doctor, the sight of Jack's face falling comically in dismay was _almost_ worth their embarrassment. _Doubt he's ever been_ completely _shot down like that_ , Donna mused with a mental nudge.  
  
Although it was plain that most of the story was not meant for anyone other than the Doctor or Donna to know, Martha was very pleased to hear that things were finally working out for the lonely alien. His marriage – Good God, he was turning domestic whether he realized it or not! Oh, she was going to have so much fun teasing him about this! – wouldn't be smooth sailing, but those two certainly had enough stubbornness between them to make it work.  
  
They certainly had a determined cheerleader in their corner, she noted. With everything that was said, and with what she figured out by reading between the lines, she finally had all the knowledge she needed to completely forgive the Doctor for his unintentional treatment of her.  
  
Although she had to insist on being Godmother (a concept that promptly had to be explained to Jenny) to their first-born. After all, it seemed that Donna fell for him partly because of his modified behavior driven entirely from that verbal trashing Martha gave him when she left as a companion. That deserved some recognition, thank you very much!  
  
Mind, based on the hints of curiosity in her female Torchwood cohorts, she'd probably have to make the time to corner Donna and get the lowdown on inter-species sex. As uncomfortable as she'd been with the knowledge of how alien the Doctor was, Martha couldn't help but wonder about the... mechanics of the act. One had to be alien to manage what Jenny had indicated had apparently happened, which made her very grateful she'd fallen out of love with the Doctor; she was positive that a human should have been _dead_ after less than a day. Which begged the question of how Donna had survived... Besides, it'd _horribly_ embarrass the Doctor, and he probably deserved a _bit_ more mortification from her...  
  
Meanwhile, Jack had a lot to think about himself. He'd never thought he had a type. At least not one that he _didn't_ go for. But Donna Noble hadn't made a blip on his radar. And yet the Doctor had married her?!  
  
It finally dawned on Jack that, all of his life, the people he really went for were on the skinny or slender side. It was what was considered attractive in his early days, and that impression must have stuck with him more than he realized. Oh, he happily flirted a lot, and someone being a companion of the Doctor was always worth paying attention to, but he supposed there was one other reason for his not going after Donna: she smelled all wrong to him. So if she apparently smelled right to the Doctor... Oh, he silently groaned, I'm a getting a headache from this! It clearly meant _he_ smelled wrong to the Doctor. Which was a _very_ depressing thought. Never mind that his own prowess had just been blown out of the solar system by a new record-holder...  
  
Of course, Donna had surprised him by one admission. “I never went for skinny blokes before. Really, it was an absolute shock to realize that I'd fallen for my best friend.”  
  
It then occurred to him, like it clearly had to Martha Jones, that – for Donna – attraction grew from affection. It seemed the two had grown hand-in-hand for the Doctor, however. It's definitely true, he thought, that men are very intrigued by challenges, but it seems too... normal... for him to be in such a situation...  
  
Although the look of abject horror on the Doctor's face when Martha asked when the Earth wedding would be was priceless. He sputtered, “We... We're already considered married by my people's customs. We don't need that mess.”  
  
Jack raised an eyebrow. “So... some telepathic link?” He could see the “WTF” thought cross the Doctor's face. He grinned. “Time-Lords were the most important subject studied by Time Agents, and some things about Gallifreyan customs were... public knowledge. So how-”  
  
Donna had been silent, as if in thought, but she interjected, “None of your business how it happened, Mr. I'm-Always-Thinking-Naughty-Thoughts.”  
  
The label make Jack smile. Well, he knew that it wasn't _always_ the case. Just most of the time.  
  
Then the Doctor got a worried look on his face and turned to face Donna. “Please tell we don't have to,” he begged in a whisper.  
  
Martha scoffed, catching everyone's attention. “Doctor, let me explain something to you. Maybe you're wed by your customs, but don't you think you should respect the traditions of our world? You're practically an adopted son of Earth, given how much time you've spent here and with humans. Jenny,” she added, seeing an opportunity she couldn't resist, “would you like to see an Earth wedding?”  
  
Brilliant, Jack thought. Use a young girl's curiosity against her father's reluctance. The grimace on the Doctor's face was a bonus. Especially when Jenny smiled thoughtfully and commented, “Well, I would like to. And it does seem right, Dad, to add human traditions into the mix.”  
  
The Doctor turned back to Donna with a plea in his eyes, and probably something to say through the bond. Donna sighed. “I know you're the biggest trouble magnet in the universe,” she said, reflectively, “and that you've had some... bad experiences at weddings. I'd let you off the hook on this one, except for two reasons. If we're gonna have babies, we might need my Mum to babysit, and things will be a lot smoother for everyone if we're married in a way that she recognized.” The mention of Donna's mother made the Doctor pale a little, which amused Jack to no end. But he really wanted to know what she meant when she added, “Besides, I think it'd be a nice way of our coming full circle, and I promise to go against everything I did the last time.”  
  
Jack could tell the Doctor would cave when Donna's words brought a soft look to his face. Once the acquiescence was given, he quickly offered his team's services to minimize any problems that could happen. Although he was very disappointed that Donna suggested that _Martha_ be “Best Man.” Martha and the others found it funny, and she was _delighted_ to accept.  
  
Donna's smart, Jack mused, to decide to make simple plans; fewer things that can go wrong. Though he was definitely finding out what the Doctor meant when he muttered that he'd have to get a new tux because he couldn't risk wearing the old one... Martha looked like she might have an idea, though...  
  
  
  
  
Running into Jack while checking on Martha had been utterly embarrassing for the Doctor. _Thank Rassilon_ , he had sighed when his family finally returned to the TARDIS, _that we kept certain things from them_. Though he didn't mind Martha letting his old friend – from several selves ago – Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart know about the changes in his life; apparently the man had sought Martha out after she joined UNIT, and they had lunch occasionally. The Brig was a good man, but the Doctor had no idea how to locate him.  
  
Donna rubbed his back, deliberately not thinking about the events that had just happened. She figured that there were a few people from his past that might be invited, to mend fences and show his respect for. Still, she had to ask, after coaxing a few of those names out of him, _Is there anyone else you want there? Not just as a witness, but to be treated as your family_?  
  
The distraction took a moment to work on his mind. Any encounter with Jack Harkness left him rather drained. Never mind the knowledge of what the man's fate might just be. But things started clicking in his mind again, and one name popped up. One person who _had_ to be there to share in the joy of his new future...  
  
  
  
  
He wasn't surprised that Sarah Jane had some warning system that noticed the TARDIS' arrival outside her home. He also wasn't entirely surprised that she ran out to greet him with a big hug. He was also very happy to see that she had adopted an innocent boy created by alien technology; she finally had her own family to care for.  
  
Not unlike him. Even though Sarah Jane had been right when she said that he had a family in all of his companions, there really was nothing like having people who were as close to being blood family as one in his situation could get.  
  
Sarah Jane hadn't been surprised to not see Rose (she was surprised to learn how long Rose had traveled with the Doctor after the realizations), and didn't bring her up in any of the conversations. (Which he was very grateful for.) Then he introduced his own family. Jenny's existence was quickly accepted, as Luke's story was a bit similar (the lad was blushing a bit around her, but he was too young to trigger any concerns, so the crush could be indulged a bit). Introducing Lee reminded him that the man who only been traveling with them for about two days – but events had made it seem a lot lounger.  
  
When he introduced Donna, he unconsciously took her hand. Sarah Jane beamed. “You found Her.”  
  
The Doctor blushed, making his family – including Sarah Jane – chuckle. His former companion urged everyone inside for tea and some treats, and to catch up.  
  
Telling the story here wasn't as embarrassing or as awkward. No pressure to tell anything that he didn't want to. Just a comfortable place to share in his joy. Without being hurt by regrets from the past, which was so refreshing – even in its strangeness.  
  
Although it finally got embarrassing for him when Donna shooed the males out of the room on the excuse that they should help with some science project of Luke's. Mortification filled his mind. Especially because of the almost wicked grin on Sarah Jane's face when she thought of their more entertaining adventures.  
  
At least he didn't have _too much_ to be alarmed about Donna hearing. Or Jenny. He was sure of it!  
  
Luke proved an extremely bright boy, and the Doctor enjoyed explaining the finer details of the various ideas behind his options. Even Lee came out of his shell, joining in and adding additional ideas for the teenager's project. During the talk, it slowly dawned on the Doctor that Jenny had his own restless energy, and yet it hadn't been so apparent since Lee had joined them. The older man did for her what Donna did for him.  
  
It was a sobering thought, but it didn't fill him with as much dread as he'd felt on one of the previous mornings. Still, he prayed that he'd have a few more years before he was _officially_ replaced as his daughter's best guy – to borrow a phrase he'd once heard used in reference to the father-daughter bond.  
  
After a few hours, the Doctor decided it was time to get moving. He also finally couldn't stand _not_ knowing just what Sarah Jane was sharing with his girls. He'd sensed considerable amusement from Donna, and occasional sadness mixed in, and needed to know what was shared.  
  
When the males all came down, Jenny and Donna were both snickering hard, and then they saw him – and promptly exploded into laughter.  
  
“Oi, what did you tell them?!” He knew he was whining, but this was surely justified, wasn't it?!  
  
His girls laughed harder, and Donna wagged a finger at him. _You don't get to whine about this, either, Sunshine_ , she told him, laughter carrying through her mental voice.  
  
Jenny broke through her laughter to ask, “Did he look like that?”  
  
“Quite a bit,” Sarah Jane laughed, standing slowly. “Amazing how much his expressions actually stay largely the same through regenerations.”  
  
The Doctor rubbed his neck. “Can we please call it a day? There's one more group to tell, and it might not be pleasant. At least not for me.”  
  
Jenny snorted, reigning in her amusement. “Oh, I think Nan and Gramps suspected a lot that last time. Doubt it'll be a complete shock.”  
  
That definitely _wasn't_ comforting. He prayed that Jenny would keep quiet and let them do the talking...  
  
Sarah Jane promised to be there at the wedding, whenever a date was settled upon, as whatever they decided she should be called to outsiders. An older sister or a cousin seemed the best options so far... He had to admit out loud Wilf was right that sometimes you did have to think a cover story through.  
  
Why that admission made Jenny snicker uncontrollably, however, he wanted to know.  
  
  
  
  
“A _telepathic_ marriage bond?!” Yep, Sylvia Noble wasn't pleased. Not surprised, but definitely not pleased. At least she was sitting on the other side of the room, so she couldn't slap him. Yet.  
  
Wilf pat his daughter's arm, although he was as stunned as she was, while Jenny exclaimed, “Nan! I've been wanting them to see the light since I watched them around Agatha Christie. And who else would be so willing to put his own life in danger to protect her?”  
  
Wilf caught the least important part of that defense. “Wait, you've met Agatha Christie?!”  
  
Donna laughed awkwardly. “Yeah. We solved the mystery of her memory loss, even though we couldn't do anything for her until her death. That day was a bit more exciting than I'd wanted, but at least it wasn't one of our worse adventures.”  
  
Neither Sylvia nor Wilf missed the implication that the worst adventures had just happened, and had driven the change in their relationship. Lee had been part of one of them, which they'd sort of explained upon introducing him – although it was blatantly obvious that neither Donna nor the Doctor wanted to think much about how close that one had come to everyone's death. The way they were clutching each other's hands while telling the story drove that point home.  
  
Of course, the promise of more grandchildren, as evidenced by River Song (which threw Jenny for a loop the size of the Milky Way), finally allowed Sylvia to be calm about the whole thing. With the additional promise of an Earth wedding as soon as a few simple plans could be brought to fruition.  
  
Besides, doing anything else would hurt the grandchild that she'd already gained. And, when she thought about it, the Doctor had been treating Donna better, from the start, than Lance or any of the other men who'd been in Donna's life ever had. So that went a long way toward her starting to let go of her anger toward the alien who'd turned their lives upside down.  
  
Of course, Sylvia demanded to know a bit more about his history with Earth, which ultimately led to having to give the shortest account of Rose Tyler that he'd ever managed. He was damned lucky Sylvia didn't slap him then on motherly principle ( _and_ on behalf of Jackie Tyler), but she decided it was her daughter's job to keep him in check when things went bizarre.  
  
None of them had any clue just how crazy things would get within a few short weeks... And no one noticed how Jenny's eyes narrowed as Rose was described, or how her frame tensed. Hope I never met that little tart...  
  
  
  
[Chapter 16: The Past Violently Returns](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/5170.html)


	17. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I managed to top Chapter 14 for most amusing ending in light of things I've recently learned... But Poor Jenny... The girl's gonna need therapy at this rate!

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 16  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

 

**Author's Note:** I think I managed to top Chapter 14 for most amusing ending in light of things I've recently learned... But Poor Jenny... The girl's gonna need therapy at this rate!  


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CHAPTER SIXTEEN: THE PAST VIOLENTLY RETURNS  
  
Leaving plans in another's hands felt very strange to the Time-Lord's mindset. Hell, he wasn't used to making plans. It was the only thing he was more rubbish at than weddings. And these plans were all about his own!  
  
Which, he felt, _really_ should be worrying Donna. But she said that she had faith enough in both of them to get them through this. It _ought_ to have been enough to at least soothe him a bit.  
  
Until Donna had the mother of all nightmares. He'd been educating Jenny and Lee on reading the TARDIS readouts when a scream unlike anything he'd ever heard ripped through the ship. Not to mention his head. They rushed to Donna's room (which had been expanded to absorb his own – proof that TARDIS loved Donna more than she did her own pilot!), and found her sitting up in bed and sweating. “No, no, no,” she was screaming. “He's alive! He's alive! They all live!”  
  
He rushed over and grabbed her arms. “Donna!” His own shout was aloud and mental. It shook her out of the frightened stupor, and she threw herself into his arms, crying so hard her body was shaking. It scared him – and Jenny, who hurried over and wrapped her arms around them both.  
  
It was right then that some distant part of his mind got why Donna used to joke that hugging him would give someone a paper-cut. He really _was_ skinny.  
  
It took some time to calm Donna enough to stop shaking. At least, so much that she might accidentally hurt herself. Lee went to make tea, and Jenny hurried back to the Console Room, saying that she felt TARDIS telling her something. The Doctor, babbling the whole while about anything and nothing at the same time, helped his wife dress; her hands were still shaking, even though his touch was reassuring her. Her silence, however, was the worst part. It was her trying to keep control over a jumble of confusing feelings – all of which he could detect through the bond.  
  
She'd been having weird dreams lately. The common theme was that everything she dreamed were events that might have been in her life. It was the first time in a while, she'd admitted, that Lance and the Empress of the Racnoss had crossed her thoughts. (The Doctor had been thrown for a loop when she admitted to feeling some gratitude to both of them, as they'd sent her on the path to meeting him – which allowed him to let go of anger he hadn't realized he was still carrying.) This one, however, clearly held frightening qualities that topped everything previously dreamt.  
  
It had all started after their brief trip to the Asian bazaar world known as Shan Shen. Painfully aware that there had been no courtship – by Earth or Gallifreyan standards, the Doctor figured he could find some little item to start making it up to Donna. He allowed Lee to help him while the ladies went off on their own. He felt he could trust them to not get themselves into trouble.  
  
Of course, trouble found them anyway. A sudden telepathic message from Jenny, giving a location, sent him flying – with Lee barely keeping up. They found Jenny restraining a fortune teller while holding her own Sonic (made with his help, as an apology for accidentally neglecting her) on what Donna was calling an “overgrown beetle.” He immediately recognized it, and knew they'd run into another member of the Trickster's Brigade. Getting to question one was unusual, but enlightening. Eventually, he let her go, destroying her tools first, but the girl seemed more frightened by Donna – who'd sensed something wrong in the room early on, but couldn't explain what – than him or Jenny. “Who are you,” she'd whimpered at Donna before fleeing. “What will you become?!”  
  
“That,” Donna had commented, “was weird even for us.” He'd only hugged her and cut the trip short.  
  
When they reached the Control Room, the Doctor settled her in the jump seat and stepped behind her so Lee could hand her tea. Donna's hands trembled, but they wouldn't deny her the dignity of drinking it herself; all hell might break loose later otherwise. Which was also why the Doctor gentle rubbed her back with one hand and stroked her hair with the other, all the while sending comforting thoughts to her.  
  
Between the tea and his ministrations, Donna finally recovered enough to talk, although she remained extremely subdued. “You ever realized that a seemingly innocuous day might have been a great pivotal moment in your life? This dream started with one of those days. I was in the car with Mum, arguing over the latest temp position I'd taken. She... urged me to not turn left to start the job I'd taken, but turn right and get a more permanent one.”  
  
She started shaking again. “It was the job at H.C. Clemment's I was turning away from. Next thing I knew, it was months later in the dream, and I started seeing a domino chain of bad events. I wasn't the one Lance chose, so I wasn't there to stop you, Doctor, from going too far... and dying.” She couldn't focus on anything but the story, so she missed the horrified expressions – and even feelings. “Then Martha, Sarah Jane, the entire Torchwood Cardiff team... They all died saving the world because you weren't there. The spaceship Titanic destroyed London, and then the stars started going out. The whole time, I had this feeling that the whole thing wasn't supposed to be, and at the end I screamed, 'The world is wrong!' And I finally woke up.”  
  
No wonder she screamed her lungs off, the Doctor thought to himself. To think that everything came so close to not happening... and I wouldn't have known...  
  
“I came too close to giving in to Mum that day,” Donna whispered, although it carried throughout the room. “I think only my own stubbornness pushed me through, and I wanted to give that job a try. Also, a stranger I ran into the previous day encouraged me to follow my instincts. Wish I could thank him.”  
  
He quickly knelt in front of her, and took her hands – putting the tea to the side. This, he felt, had to stop now. “Donna, look at me.” It took her several long moments to manage to look up, tears blurring her gaze. “Believe me, I know better than anyone what it's like to have flashes of what could have happened, but you have to let them go or they'll hold you back. I didn't realize how much I was doing that until you came along and slapped sense into me. Literally.”  
  
That drew a laugh from Donna, but she still couldn't talk. So he continued, “You taught me that we have learn from what we did wrong, let go, and move on. Otherwise, we aren't living.” Then a thought hit him, and he said it silently: _Are you feeling unworthy of all this?_  
  
The tears resumed and she dropped her head. _Oh, love, you deserve every good thing in the universe_. As he tightly hugged her again, he tried to remind her that she wasn't alone in feeling uncertain, of how frightened he was that something would go wrong and take away what made him happy; the universe had a nasty habit of that...  
  
She could only clutch him back.  
  
Then some beeping came from the TARDIS. Jenny interrupted them. “Um, Dad? I wonder if Mum's dreams are connected to these readings I'm seeing.”  
  
Donna sniffled aloud. “What, does that mean I'm physic?”  
  
The Doctor tugged her gently to her feet. “All humans are very _slightly_ physic. Some just get a heavier dose of the ability. What's going on, Jenny?”  
  
Jenny's brows were tightly knit. “It's as if the time-lines are shimmering. Like something's threatening the very existence of everything.”  
  
That drew her father in, with her mother tagging along. He put on his brainy specs, and froze at the readout. Jenny looked him, alarmed, as she explained what she thought she was seeing. “It looks like it's because someone has blasted holes between our universe and another.”  
  
The Doctor felt his mouth go dry. “This shouldn't be happening.”  
  
Donna, managing to move a bit past her nightmare, asked. “Well, what's causing it?”  
  
Jenny sighed. “There's this one reading I keep getting. More like a related phrase.”  
  
Lee spoke up. “W-Which is?”  
  
Jenny frowned. “It translates to two English words: 'Bad Wolf.'”  
  
Donna felt the horror through the bond as the Doctor stiffened completely. Then she felt a bit of guilt seep through. “Doctor,” she exclaimed, “you don't have a hand in this!”  
  
“This could be the end of the universe, Donna,” he whispered. “And, if I'm right, it is my fault... All because I couldn't express what I really felt. Said the things that I _ought_ to have said.”  
  
The others were baffled, but Donna immediately made the connection. It meant Rose Tyler had found a way to cross over, and it was threatening the existence of everything. Which meant she'd ignored his warning at Bad Wolf Bay...  
  
  
  
  
Things quickly turned from bad to worse. A quick visit to Sylvia and Wilf, on what turned out to be a Saturday, only showed that the bees were acting funny. A quick explanation of what was worrying him, including a few comments about how a certain blonde might be involved, was given before the TARDIS sounded an alarm. The Doctor brought his family back into the TARDIS, making Wilf promise to call if anything else happened... and then Earth disappeared from underneath them.  
  
It was Jenny who realized that the debris they saw was actually from various space programs – and not from Earth itself. “Which means something _moved_ Earth,” she thought aloud. “Who _could_ do that?”  
  
Her father suddenly remembered, “Someone tried to move Earth a long time ago,” but soon added, under his breath, “It can't be.”  
  
Donna hated to say it, but it had to be said. “I think we may need to rethink what's impossible here.”  
  
He turned to face her, but she didn't need to see his face to know he was getting very scared. “That someone was trapped in _The_ Time-Lock.”  
  
Yeah, Donna realized, that was grounds for the last Time-Lord to be frightened almost to the point of needing nappies again.  
  
A visit to the Shadow Proclamation was necessary, and the whole thing was an enlightening experience for Jenny about the other difficulties in being a child of Gallifrey and dealing with other authorities. She and her dad were proud of Donna for demanding equal treatment to the Gallifreyans, and of Lee for helping with ideas. It was Donna's questions, of course, that allowed them all to see that the planets were stolen to create a powerful engine. Jenny found the implications deeply disturbing; her military mind was coming up with all sorts of bad possibilities for its use.  
  
Fortunately, her military mindset came in handy when the Proclamation wanted to use TARDIS in their assault. Jenny reminded them that time was of the essence, and the best solution was for them to rally their forces and wait for the signal from the Doctor's family, who would go as a reconnaissance guard. Her father was very impressed with her babbling skills, and more so that she talked them into agreeing.  
  
But there was a caveat that the Architect insisted upon: “If you are able to solve this on your own, then bring any surviving culprits to us. These crimes must be answered for.” She demanded that he give his word, and he reluctantly did. They needed to get going, after all.  
  
He suspected that he would soon have to live with the consequences of not thinking things through, and it would drive things home better than Donna's slaps. Because if his instincts were right about the ultimate cause of all this, then he knew who he'd have to take into custody...  
  
  
  
  
Things were not going well for Rose Tyler. First no sign of the Doctor, and now Donna Noble's family had no clue where he was or how to reach him. This had to be the second worst case of the universe operating against her, after being separated from the Doctor for over two years.  
  
Well, maybe his last words before the link cut were the worst: “I'm sorry, Rose. We weren't meant to be.” How could he say that? Trying to comfort himself because he believed it was impossible by then?  
  
No, she'd thought, I'm going to prove him wrong! And once she'd managed to dry her tears from Bad Wolf Bay, she started working on just that. Everything else could wait. It wasn't like she was going to stay in this universe forever...  
  
Through operating the Dimension Cannon, she had started to hear a name in connection with the Doctor, over and over again: Donna Noble, of Earth. This struck her as her... father... had hired a woman of the same name – near as she could tell, this universe's version of her! – to work in the office aspects of his company. A woman who'd lost her entire family to the Cybermen incident. A woman who was just going through the motions of living without really enjoying them, and tried to fill the void by going out with girlfriends.  
  
So she got her transferred to help sift through patterns to make the Cannon more reliable. Her mother worried that she was working Donna to the bone. Rose thought she was just giving Donna things to keep her going, and actually work her rather brilliant brain. Although she did admit that the older woman wasn't eating enough, and had to break her own efforts to give eating reminders; she didn't want her to collapse from exhaustion, as that would delay things further.  
  
Finally having the settings right, the astronomers were detecting things going very wrong out in space, and what time sensors were available on Pete's World also suggested that it was originating in another universe. Rose just knew it was happening in the Doctor's universe, and grabbed one of the guns designed to work against creatures like the Daleks.  
  
Fortuitous, it turned out as she emerged on Earth.  
  
It'd taken longer than she'd liked to locate the Noble home, and then she had to wait around – until Wilf had detected a hidden video exchange. She recognized Jack Harkness, Sarah Jane Smith, and Harriet Jones, but not any of the others: Jack's co-workers at Torchwood (strange, she thought, to think of them as good guys), and a subsequent companion and her mother. All she, Sylvia, and Wilf could do was watch as a plan formed, until the supercharged phoning of the Doctor was hatched. “Find me,” she whispered as she raised her own phone, trying to push aside a sinking feeling that wouldn't shake.  
  
Which had been growing stronger since the Nobles were acting rather cagy about saying things about the Doctor or Donna. She tried to explain it away as stress from fear, but something wouldn't let go.  
  
She flinched when Harriet Jones was killed, but there wasn't much time before that fourth section was taken up by the Doctor – and Donna. Rose was so relieved, although she wondered who the other two people with him were. The others knew, and just focused on giving him updates. “Add the Brig,” the Doct commented, “and we'd practically have the whole team. Everyone who's supposed to be here.”  
  
“I'm here,” she whispered, mind reeling over the line. What did he mean by that? He can't mean that I'm not supposed to be here! Doesn't he miss me?  
  
Of course, once the Doctor had to flee when Darvos, whoever he was, broke into the conversation. So it was time to move on, and try to locate him again. Sylvia stopped her on the way out. “Miss Tyler, I see that you've gone to a lot of trouble to return, but I think I've got to warn you. From the way he spoke about how you were sent to the other universe, my father and I got the impression that travel between the universes is a very bad thing – especially now. Please be careful, and follow his lead.”  
  
It was a mother's concern speaking, and – missing her own mum – she nodded. Though she had to ask, “What's going on?”  
  
Wilf interjected, “A lot has happened to him since Carney Wharf. We've heard a bit of it because our Donna demands he be honest with her, but I don't know what he wants you to know and we're not about to make any assumptions. We won't go over his head. So wait and let him tell it, okay?”  
  
Rose nodded. Something about Wilf was trustworthy, so she just said, “I'll wait and see, when I find him.” Donna Noble, she thought, is very lucky to have such a wonderful grandfather...  
  
As she walked away, she missed a quiet exchange between Sylvia and Wilf. He worried, “Did we do the right thing there?”  
  
Sylvia whispered back, “That girl has invested too much in returning to listen to any of us. Only _he_ can snap her out of it, if she can be.” And she added, vividly remembering how they'd met, “Besides, angering a girl with a big gun isn't a smart idea, anyway.”  
  
It wasn't too long until Rose heard the TARDIS engines, and, after walking a bit toward the sound, she saw him. He really didn't look much different from when she last saw him. Maybe the hair was a bit shorter, but nothing had changed.  
  
She'd forgotten how disturbing it was to be reminded of how alien he really was. She'd also forgotten that not looking different was _part_ of that alien nature...  
  
He was talking energetically to Donna – standing awfully close to her, she thought – while the other two were standing around with small handguns, keeping watch. The blond woman, who didn't look much older than herself, spotted her, and suddenly raised her weapon. “Identify yourself!” Rose knew enough to know raising her gun would get her shot. The woman acted like a natural with weapons.  
  
The Doctor and Donna turned to look, and he froze. Rose's heart sank as she saw anger flash across his face. What happened to him? Why isn't he happy to see me? She walked briskly after Donna forced the girl to lower her gun. “I made it back, Doctor,” she said, excitement shining through. “I found a way.”  
  
After several long seconds, he stormed toward Rose. “Didn't I tell you to not even _try_ to come back?!”  
  
Rose stopped, chilled to her bones by his coldness.  
  
“You thought you could just ignore my warnings – again – and things would work out the way you wanted them to-”  
  
Multiple screams erupted as a Dalek appeared and shot him. Rose didn't see Jack appear in time and kill the Dalek. She just ran to the Doctor, crying – as were the others. Donna reached him first, panicking, and near sobbing. Rose was almost there... when a fist struck her face and knocked her over. Then a gun was against her temple and a hand gripped her throat. “You've cost my father another life!”  
  
Father?! Rose went into shock, but before she could react, Jack yanked the blond off her. “Jenny, no! Take her gun and guard our way into the TARDIS!”  
  
“We're not taking _her_!” The girl sounded mortally offended at the thought.  
  
“Yes, we are! Now, quit arguing and protect your father!” Rose struggled to absorb that detail as Jack pulled her to her feet and dragged her backwards – based on the way he was walking. Through the pain of a broken nose, she could feel the animosity radiating off the blond. Donna and the mysterious man had already rushed the Doctor into the TARDIS.  
  
Inside, Rose saw Donna fussing frantically over the Doctor, but no words were exchanged. How could they talk, Rose thought, when their lips aren't moving? She tried to go to him, but Jack held her back – and she didn't see how the other man had to hold Jenny away from _her_. She watched Donna slowly back off, crying, “I'm not ready for _you_ to go! We were gonna have a lifetime together!”  
  
Rose couldn't focus on anything else after that. Even as she had to look away as the regeneration energy burst, she tried wrapping her head around what she was witnessing: a clear, deep emotional intimacy between HER Doctor and this universe's Donna Noble.  
  
She couldn't handle the thought that his face would change again. But seeing an intimacy she couldn't remember existing between herself and the Doctor existing between him and another woman?  
  
One worry cleared after the Doctor sent his excess energy into his hand (oh, she vividly remembered that day!), and then babbled a bit about his hand. Donna and Jenny rushed into his waiting arms in relief. They looked like a family, Rose suddenly thought in horror. A _happy_ family.  
  
No! “Doctor!”  
  
Jenny whipped around, and Rose felt like the Oncoming Storm she'd been warned about when she first met the Doctor was brewing. “Oh, shut up, immature teenager! You have no right to talk to my dad! Your travels with him ended at Carney Wharf. He even told you it was the end – although he should never have burned that sun to say good-bye. Better to have never given you any ideas.”  
  
Jack, quite alarmed by the building tension, kept his hold on Rose and interrupted Jenny's rant. “Hey, hey, hey! Wait a minute! Earth's in danger here! Anyone remember that? Can we put a lid on this blame game until we've kicked the Daleks' asses?” As happy as he was to see Rose again, he knew that he'd better help keep some distance between Rose and Jenny; if a cat-fight broke out, Rose would have no chance. He had no doubt that Jenny felt that Rose was a significant threat to her mother, and that the former soldier could kill with her bare hands if driven by enough anger.  
  
Unfortunately, the Daleks detected them. Rose had never seen the Doctor so distraught and yet so full of rage without an outlet as he was when the TARDIS was sent into the abyss of the Dalek mothership – with Donna and Jenny still in it. She had no doubt that he would have gladly taken their places (he always put himself into danger to protect others, which she'd both admired and been frightened by), and tried to offer a comforting touch. But he shook her off, growling, “Don't touch me!”  
  
She nearly jumped back, and even Jack was silent as the restrained fury of the Oncoming Storm focused solely on Rose. “Whatever happens next is your doing, Rose Tyler. You and your damned Dimension Cannon and your loving to ignore whatever I tell you to do!”  
  
Rose Tyler was in too much shook to see that the Doctor was never hers to begin with. That it was all her own feelings talking. And that commissioning the Cannon might have been a big mistake...  
  
Which ought to have been hard to _not_ realize when the man you loved looked like he might just have sacrificed _you_ to save others if he were offered the chance...  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, on board the TARDIS, Jenny suddenly sensed that the lock that held the ship in this dimension was gone. She wasn't sure if Donna was injured, but she rushed through sending the shell-shocked TARDIS into the Vortex. She just hit the last lever when some Time-Lord sense flared, and she saw Donna touch the container holding her father's hand. And golden light erupted.  
  
“Mum!” Terrified, she rushed to pull her away, and found herself in worse pain than when she'd been shot. Some of the regeneration energy seeped into _her_ body, sending shooting pain through her skull.  
  
She was barely aware of when she and Donna were released from its hold, and then held her head in agony. It seemed like every Time-Lord sense was sharpening, and it was a painful process. But then something else registered: the container had broken. The hand, she realized, had gone across the room and was growing... into a full person. She ad Donna watched in shock as the light materialized into... the splitting image of the Doctor. Except...  
  
Jenny covered her eyes immediately. “Oh, my God! Please go put some clothes on!” She would've run to the bathroom, but her headache was too strong. Thank God TARDIS made a bucket appear...  
  
  
  
[Chapter 17: One Journey's End, Another's Beginning](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/5532.html)  


  



	18. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must've gone through a few different versions of this before I decided to call it. The goal was to leave part of the ending a bit ambiguous. Not sure how well I did on that score...

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 17  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) </lj> , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

  
  
**Author's Note:** I must've gone through a few different versions of this before I decided to call it. The goal was to leave part of the ending a bit ambiguous. Not sure how well I did on that score...  
  


[P](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1121.html) / [1](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1335.html) / [2](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/1545.html) / [3](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2036.html) / [4](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2174.html) / [5](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2350.html) / [6](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2603.html) / [7](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/2971.html) / [8](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3279.html) / [9](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3454.html) / [10](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3816.html) / [11](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/3969.html) / [12](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4163.html) / [13](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4557.html) / [14](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4637.html) / [15](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/4969.html) / [16](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/5170.html)

  
  
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: ONE JOURNEY'S END, ANOTHER'S BEGINNING  
  
Going from just being aware of events in time and space to having five physical senses – and a body! – was just brilliant! And it meant there was one more of him to save the universe!  
  
Then he registered retching sounds. And then: “Oi, Handy!”  
  
Donna! He realized she was sitting a ways in front of him, reaching out to a nauseated Jenny. “Yes?”  
  
Donna was not amused. In the Royal We sense. “Get to the Wardrobe and put something on! You're scarring Jenny for life!”  
  
Then he noticed his birthday suit, and – with memories from a while after he was separated from the Doctor coming back with a vengeance – long-suppressed paternal instincts reared their head. And he was mortified. “Oh, yes,” he squeaked, rushing out of the room.  
  
It dawned on him that while he had all of the Doctor's memories, he _definitely wasn't_ the Doctor. The clue was how he sensed Donna; it didn't have the intensity that the memories said it should. Although he could sense her shock and mortification and anger on Jenny's behalf, which suggested a different kind of bond. The feelings also lacked the intensity and depth that he thought he should feel.  
  
He was still contemplating this when he re-emerged in a blue suit and one of the Doctor's many pairs of Converse. He heard Donna murmuring to Jenny, “You reacted like that because a parent's nudity is always gross to a kid. But trust me: when it's the right guy, you won't mind seeing him naked.”  
  
More paternal instincts rose up. “Oi,” he hollered, “don't be giving her ideas!”  
  
Jenny raised her head from the bag she was breathing into – the TARDIS had suggested that the exposure to additional Carbon Dioxide would help soothe Jenny's nausea, and produced what looked like a old brown lunch bag – and glared at him. “Listen here, Meta-Crisis Duplicate,” she snapped, knowing just enough to figure out what had happened and trying to reign in a completely frayed temper, “you might share my Dad's looks, blood, and presumably personality, but you have no right to lecture me on anything!”  
  
He was indignant. “Listen here, Little Time-Lady: I've got enough of him in me that no one else could tell that I'm not the Doctor. So you should be treating me like your uncle-” Then a thought hit him at supercharged speed. “Oi! If I exist because of Donna, then that makes her not just my sister but my mother!” A touch of horror crept into his voice. “Oh, I never thought family relationships could become wibbly-whimey!”  
  
Donna had had enough of this; her husband and prospective son-in-law were both in Dalek hands, after all! She slapped him. “Enough, Sunshine!” The combined force of word and force stopped his mouth, and she took advantage of that. “Dalek threat to the universe and possibly all of the multiverses, remember? So use that alien brain he gave you and let's figure out how to save the day! We can deal with whatever makes you different later.”  
  
“Right,” he agreed, chagrined that he'd forgotten about the emergency. “Sorry, Donna-” He froze, sensing another difference, and put a hand over his chest to confirm. “One heart! Oh, that's disgusting!”  
  
“Oi!” Donna would've grinned if the situation weren't so serious; some of the memory cells were obviously lost in the transfer. “He told me that his line starts with only one heart! He lived with that single one for over eight hundred years, so don't you go complaining, Handy!”  
  
He could only stare at Donna, as those memories were very fuzzy. Maybe he didn't gain every one of the Doctor's memories...  
  
“Okay, you two,” Donna announced, “we've got our work cut out for us, so let's show the Daleks how magnificent humans and Time-Lords can be!”  
  
  
  
  
The Doctor had never had a day that qualified as an emotional roller-coaster before. Not even the day he had to condemn Gallifrey had come close. His horror, both over seeing the TARDIS disappear with his girls in it and over the revealing of the Dalek's Reality Bomb, clouded his ability to think. He didn't trust the part of his brain that said that there was still a chance to stop this, that his girls yet lived.  
  
Hope, he had realized as he, Rose and Lee were led deeper within the ship, was a lousy method of action and planning. You needed a hard dose of reality to balance it out, or things could get worse.  
  
It also wasn't comforting to know just how many of his companions would kill to protect him – and the Earth. It was completely disheartening to realize just how necessary violence could be – and how futile the actions seemed there.  
  
Seeing the TARDIS appear again gave him a surge of hope, but it switched to shock upon seeing... himself?! No,he realized as the man was shot, his hand had grown! He had no time to think about it as Donna and Jenny were also shot, seemingly killing all chance at stopping the Daleks.  
  
Until during the countdown, Jenny's voice boomed: “That was a mistake.” He looked over and saw her push herself off the floor, fading golden energy flowing around her and awakening more Time-Lord instincts and knowledge. “Because it lets someone stop you.”  
  
And the machine did stop, and he saw Donna stand up – with the most proud, pleased grin he'd ever seen on her face. He didn't need to hear her speaking coherently in what she had called “technobabble” to realize what happened. Their bond told him what she explained to the others – although one point caught and held his attention: The metacrisis, combined with the bolt from the Daleks, had awakened a Time-Lord awareness in Donna's mind based on his own knowledge.  
  
He didn't let himself focus on his fears about it until they were back on the TARDIS, the Dalek ships self-destructing around them and all but one planet (naturally, Earth) returned. Darvos' words would have haunted him, except he realized that the destructive actions of his double and daughter were – sadly – necessary; some idiot would surely stumble onto the disabled Daleks and restore them otherwise. It had taken having a militarily-minded daughter and a pragmatic wife to remind him of something he'd instinctively known as his last self: sometimes you couldn't afford to give someone a second chance.  
  
The Doctor never imagined that he would see such proof that his refusal to destroy the Daleks before they were born had wrecked profound, unnecessary havoc on the universe. And fill him with yet another regret.  
  
Only once Earth was safely returned, and the occupants celebrating did he pull Donna aside. He had to check, _now_ , whether the bond would be enough for her to cope with the Time-Lord awareness. If that human spark made her more brilliant than even him and his double put together, it would be the greatest tragedy if they couldn't save her. Even with what he'd experienced, the promise that his future was with her seemed ready to disintegrate just as the victims of the Reality Bomb did.  
  
Jenny and his double could handle getting anyone home, explaining themselves to Mickey and Jackie and Rose, and piloting the TARDIS. He had to preserve his future.  
  
 _Really_ , Doctor, Donna told him, stopping them from exiting the Console Room, _I'm fine. Maybe as long as... Handy... is around, we should both be fine. We'll balance each other out_.  
  
He silently groaned. _Might not want to tell him you called him that_.  
  
She chuckled within their link. _Why not? He does carry some of me in him. Surely he could have guessed what I might name him. Besides, I called him that to his face to get his attention. He materialized into being_ naked _, and Jenny was horrified_.  
  
His eyes popped wide. Okay, that explained why Jenny wasn't meeting his gaze, and would definitely require a few different talks – _much_ later. Sighing, he tried changing tacks. _Please let me look inside your mind_ , he begged, _for my sake. I'm going crazy worrying about you_.  
  
She sighed, but smiled and nodded. _The things we do for love_ , she thought at him. But she quickly figured out what he was terrified of: that the only way to save her would be to wipe her memories of him – a task made _completely impossible_ because of the bond. _I did talk about this with Jenny and Handy_ , she whispered over now joint worries, _but we couldn't be sure if the bond would be enough to protect me_.  
  
 _There is no need to worry, Doctor and Donna_ , the TARDIS said to them both. _The other Doctor must stay with us for the moment to keep him healthy, but_ she _will be fine on her own_.  
  
The absolute certainty in the tone surprised the Doctor, who was still too worried. _Excuse me_ , he snapped, _if I need more proof_.  
  
 _Simple_ , came the answer. _How many Time-Lord essences do you sense on board?_  
  
That threw them both. Still, they both closed their eyes to focus as he made the connection stronger. Their presences were both obvious, and were Jenny's and the human Doctor. But then they both sensed something else... from within Donna. And it wasn't his excess energy.  
  
It clicked for them both instantly. And they recognized the essence at almost the same moment, voicing it simultaneously: _River_...  
  
Donna unconsciously put a hand over her lower belly as she started crying, and her tears moved the Doctor. _She's saving us again_ , he thought in awe. He backed out of the extra connection so he could tightly embrace his (pregnant!) wife. The storm clouds that had weighed over him since Donna's nightmare finally dissipated. He couldn't even feel himself grinning like a maniac. Of course, her own smile wasn't much better.  
  
Then they vaguely sensed a smug tone from the TARDIS. _Now_ , she told them, _do you see why I did what I did those weeks ago? I sensed that something major would happen, and she would save Donna – with the right timing for her creation._  
  
They froze a moment, letting the implication sink in. After a moment, Donna snickered. _The cheeky minx! She wanted to_ ensure _that River was conceived right then! Guess our future little troublemaker had to be at a certain growth stage to absorb the excess energy that Jenny couldn't._  
  
 _So that's how she knew my name_ , he realized gleefully. _Her half-Gallifreyan mind made it possible. Explains why she was so like me... Even more so than Jenny..._  
  
 _Our biggest problem child_ , Donna mused with a silent laugh, shoulders shaking. _All of your bad habits, and who knows which good ones she'll get_.  
  
He laughed out loud in joy for the first time while thinking of the strange woman who'd known his future. _She'll make raising the others seem easy. I guess this proves I'm as rubbish about predicting who raised someone, or how one might have behaved as a child, as I am with feelings_.  
  
“Oh, my God!” Martha's exclamation interrupted the tender moment, and brought all other conversations to a halt. Her eyes were wide with growing excitement as she looked Donna over. “Does that mean that Donna can remain the DoctorDonna because there's a bun in the oven?!”  
  
A few started noises burst into the air. Rose's was the loudest. Jenny's eyes went wide in utter surprise.  
  
Donna merely pulled out of the hug, just enough to smile at the former companion. Some explanations could wait a while, but not this announcement... “Ready to be a Godmother, Martha?”  
  
Multiple screams erupted, and Donna and the Doctor were quickly surrounded by Martha, Sarah Jane and Jack – who Jenny had stopped first and warned, “Try to kiss either of them, and I'll give your team reason to never respect you _ever_ again” – for hugs.  
  
“Handy” and Jenny breathed huge sighs of relief that what could have become a great tragedy was averted – although the Time-Lady wasn't pleased to realize (via her own telepathic abilities) who she'd be dealing with soon. River had gotten on her nerves, and the idea that they were siblings hadn't gone over well the first time she heard it. Although, she thought, I suppose I'll accept her. There are others I'll never like even with the whole of time to adjust to them – and one's on board right now.  
  
But that didn't stop the two from a little bickering, as Jenny muttered, “What are you grinning about, Uncle-Bro? I'm not sure the universe can handle three people who could be called The Doctor at once.”  
  
He startled over the name, but – just as his “maternal” source would – quickly shrugged it off. “Hey, if he can actually have a family again, then I can make a place for myself here.” Then he thought about that name. “Wait, does mean I should call you Sister-Niece?”  
  
She grimaced, remembering the latest story she was reading. “What are we? From Middle Earth?”  
  
He shrugged blithely. “We are talking like Brits.”  
  
Meanwhile, three others were feeling a bit unsure what to feel. Mickey remembered the Doctor admitting that he couldn't return Rose's feelings, and he himself had slowly grown away from loving Rose. Her single-minded focus on the Dimension Cannon had worried him; he took the Doctor's warning at Bad Wolf Bay seriously and tried to remind her of it. A Rose scorned was something he had no clue what to expect from, and he wasn't looking forward to finding out. But he couldn't help but feel happy for the being who'd helped him grow up...  
  
Jackie Tyler had watched the obsession more closely than Mickey had been able to; she was Rose's mother, after all. Even with the peace of having Pete back and the birth of little Tony, concern revived with a vengeance for her daughter. Where she used to blame the Doctor for problems with Rose, she began to see that this one lay directly on Rose's shoulders. On the one hand, she understood not being able to move on (after all, wasn't that what she'd done – with a bunch of flings mixed in, which Rose hadn't done – after her Pete's death?), but Rose had been starting to nearly bite people's heads off over the idea of stopping her quest.  
  
Such behavior wasn't healthy over a human man. Over an alien? It was absolutely nutters!  
  
Besides, this Doctor was – even to her jaded eyes – rather cute and she could have predicted him moving on. Just like so many other blokes could. Especially if the right woman came along. And she could tell that had happened. But the look in her daughter's eyes wasn't the anger or outrage she was expecting, given how Rose had clearly believed that the Doctor was _her_ alien. Instead, she saw an enormous disbelief – and what Jackie was positive was denial.  
  
Should she be worried? And for which person or people? Could Rose accept what had happened during her absence...?  
  
The Doctor and Donna remembered their other company when Mickey walked up, which brought silence from Sarah Jane and Jack. No one was sure how this young man who had been in love with Rose would act, but he smiled and extended a hand. “Congratulations, DoctorDad. You're going to have your hands full.”  
  
 _You have no idea_ , he and Donna thought, both mildly amused over the new nickname. Though they noticed Mickey was keeping his volume low, to not let Rose hear his words. The Doctor accepted the handshake. “Thank you, Mickey. I hope Pete's World has been kind to you.”  
  
He shrugged, trying to brush off the topic. “Had it's moments, but... I doubt there's any reason to stay. I don't think I can look Jackie or Rose in the eye after this.” He quickly turned to Donna, changing the subject with a teasing grin. “And you need to be doubly congratulated; never would've expected this one to do something so normal as to settle down.”  
  
A sudden flare of tension in the Doctor made Donna laugh. “Oh, it's only extending so far. We're still going to be traveling the universe and saving people, worlds. Our lives will be more complicated, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.”  
  
Disappointment was not a foreign feeling to Rose Tyler. She'd seen all sorts of people fail to keep their promises, or prove to be less than what they had seemed. And that was before she'd met the Doctor. _This_ was pushing her mind into an overdrive that rendered her incapable of speech.  
  
Jackie, reaching out to hug her daughter, looked between the Doctor and the man who'd grown from his hand. The latter was filled with the abundant energy she associated with the Doctor. The one she'd known, that is. “He's so much calmer,” she whispered, voicing her observations, “and yet... happier.”  
  
“She grounds him,” said the man in blue. “And yes, she does calm him.” Jackie, he felt, deserved an explanation for the Doctor's actions, to help her cope with Rose's reaction – whatever it turned out to be. “All his life, he's been searching for someplace to call home, and... our own people couldn't give him that. That partly drove the running predilection, and kept him from staying in any one place. He didn't feel confident that he could ever have what he saw others have. But for the first time, he's found someone who not only gives him that sense of peace we didn't even know we needed, but who also has the maturity to challenge him into thinking about what he does.”  
  
Rose trembled from shock as those words seeped through. The Doctor saw her as... immature...?!  
  
Jenny took up the charge. Her words were laced with a mocking derision directed at her victim, but her expression remained neutral, to not offend a mother (she hadn't had a Mum who she'd heard slapped so hard your teeth would rattle for days and not learned a few things). “Mum makes him look at the consequences of his actions, which means that what looks like the right thing to do in the here-and-now isn't necessarily a good long-term solution. He told my Nan, Mum's mum, that she's made him into a better man than he was, and that he trusts her implicitly. He even taught her how to fly the TARDIS.”  
  
Everything they said was a dagger to Rose's already breaking heart. Flying the TARDIS? Neither of her Doctors had even hinted at letting her do it. She'd asked once, and he'd... He'd brushed her off. Firmly. Said it was too complicated for a human to learn. He hadn't seemed nasty about it!  
  
Jenny suppressed a big grin, sensing that a memory was hitting the culprit hard. But it was a good thing her own mother wasn't looking; the effort wouldn't have fooled Donna for a nano-second. Even her _father_ would've seen right through it!  
  
Jackie still had to ask the man in blue one question. “What did Rose mean to him?”  
  
“Handy” motioned Jenny to be silent and go to her parents. The Time-Lady gave Rose a nasty glare, refusing to follow Lee to express and wish joy. Her fingers still itched to land another few punches, so she crossed her arms and leaned her weight mostly onto one foot.  
  
Rose was vaguely aware of it, and had a flashback to actions of the previous Doctor. It was frightening to see that anger again.  
  
He sighed heavily, clearly weighing how to say it. His primary progenitor was extremely rubbish with feelings, but Donna's influence had given him a wisdom that he knew the Doctor wished he had. “She was his first friend after losing Gallifrey, and helping on that first day earned her a chance as a companion. So she was important, but she never had the... maturity... to be more to him.” There were some things that she wasn't going to hear; especially when _Jack_ could overhear...  
  
Something in Rose snapped; she couldn't stand hearing the words and watching how _her_ Doctor couldn't stop touching Donna – particularly her stomach. The idea of that woman carrying _his_ child was too much for Rose to bear. “There has to be some pollen or something affecting him-”  
  
Jenny wouldn't stand for that. But her sibling/uncle beat her to the verbal punch. “He should've said this to you instead of your mother back when you nearly destroyed the time-lines in 1987: Rose Tyler, shut up and do as I say!”  
  
Unfortunately for “Handy,” Rose lunged out of her mother's arms and shoved him hard – which he wasn't expecting. “Shut up! You're nothing but a pathetic copy-!”  
  
Before anyone could blink, Jenny had tackled Rose to the floor, bound her hands with cuffs (courtesy of TARDIS) in a grip that the Time-Lady could keep Rose's torso down with one hand pressing the cuffs into the back, and hold down the head with the other. A knee to the lower back kept the struggling and now screaming human under control.  
  
Jenny looked up, not having broken a sweat, and yelled over the shrieking, “Mrs. Tyler, I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid Rose won't be going back with you.”  
  
Jackie, as much as she understood that Rose had made an enemy of this girl, wasn't clear on why. “Doctor, what's going on?!”  
  
The Doctor didn't answer at first. He and Donna had begun a debate over what to do next. But he had to interrupt Rose's screams because it was getting on their nerves. “Rose Tyler, shut your mouth! I can't hear myself think over that racket!”  
  
It worked. The entire room went silent, Rose went into shock, and he – satisfied that he'd made his point – returned to the silent debate.  
  
For everyone else, it was rather strange to watch the play of emotions on Donna and the Doctor's faces, accompanied by a variety of gestures. Especially when no audible words accompanied them. Actually, their lips didn't even move the whole time. The only thing clear was that she was telling him off for something, and he was arguing his own point. “What the hell is going on,” Mickey asked, quietly.  
  
“Handy” answered, equally quiet, “They're talking through their bond. It lets them communicate without speaking aloud.” He also had an inkling what they were arguing over, and why Donna was against it. Since he could see both sides and their merits, he walked over and pulled them both further out of earshot.  
  
Then words still floated over – and yet no one understood them. Jack wondered, “Is that Gallifreyan?”  
  
Jenny answered, “Yep, but Dad hasn't taught me any High Gallifreyan yet, so TARDIS must have turned off the translation circuits.” Then she frowned over something she overheard. “But I'm pretty sure I overheard your name, as well as 'Jackie' and 'Mickey.'”  
  
Finally, the Doctor seemed to have given up on his point, and led the other two to send the TARDIS into the vortex. Three did the job in less than a third of the typical time it took him on his own. The dark, heavy atmosphere that had settled over the room after his outburst relaxed a bit with obvious action being taken.  
  
The landing came quicker than anyone – except the three pilots – expected, and it was as jarring as the majority of TARDIS' touchdowns. Still, everyone remained silent; the Doctor's mood was growing more grave, like he had to do something he wasn't comfortable with.  
  
His wife and double weren't looking much happier about the prospect. But they had the air of believing that the chosen action was the lesser of however many evils there were.  
  
The Doctor slowly walked to the doors, taking Donna's hand to bring her alongside him. “Handy” followed behind them, keeping a few feet away. “When we ask everyone to come out,” the Doctor said, “do so slowly. Make no sudden movements.”  
  
Jenny figured it out. We've arrived at the Shadow Proclamation. Dad's fulfilling his promise to the Architect, but why did my parents argue and why is Dad upset? Isn't it a straight-forward decision?  
  
She hadn't yet learned that anger clouded your judgment. And often blinded you to the nuances of a situation.  
  
Silence remained as the Doctor opened the doors, and he and Donna raised their hands to prove their unarmed state. “Handy” did the same, closing the doors behind him. With the conversation muffled, Jackie finally couldn't take it. “Listen, aside from the unjustly violent behavior, why are you restraining my daughter? And where did she get that broken nose from?”  
  
“Mum!” Rose couldn't believe her own mother wasn't fighting for her. She didn't want to remember how many times her mum had tried to dissuade her from working on the Cannon.  
  
Lee found enough courage and strength to push through his stammer and explain the readings of the TARDIS from before the planets disappeared: the time-lines shimmering as if their very existence was threatened, the evidence tracing it to the blasting between universes, and the uncertainty of how many other universes might have been harmed by the use of Rose's Dimension Cannon. And how that had triggered all of Jenny's protective instincts toward her family. It took him a bit longer than that Jenny might have taken, but the total number of words was fewer.  
  
“Wait,” Mickey interrupted, stricken with shock. “You mean that billions, if not trillions or more, of lives have just disappeared without a trace because of Rose using the Cannon?”  
  
“Y-yes. T-That's the D-Doctor's b-best hypothesis.”  
  
Jackie realized the implication immediately. “Are you saying that none of this would have happened if the Dimension Cannon had never been used?”  
  
Jenny looked at Jackie, and finally grasped her father's sadness. There were other considerations at stake... that didn't include Rose herself. “I'm afraid so, Mrs. Tyler,” she answered, sad for the mother.  
  
Rose was ready to argue (she had to defend herself, after all!), but the doors opened – interrupting her thoughts. “Handy” stuck his head in. “File out.”  
  
Martha and Sarah Jane squared their shoulders and exited first. Mickey waited for Jackie to join him before heading out, and Jack waited for Jenny to get up. He flinched how she dragged Rose up, and force-marched her out. That time, Rose was too stunned and affronted to speak. He sighed and followed Lee, who stayed close in what might be a futile endeavor to keep Jenny's anger reined in.  
  
Except for Martha, Jenny, Lee, and Jack (who'd had... interesting dealings – the only description fit for polite company – with the Shadow Proclamation back in his original century), everyone was in shock over the Judoon. Each person was scanned briefly, but then the Architect signaled the soldiers to back off. As they lumbered backwards, giving Mickey another reminder of “The Hitchhiker's Guide” (and not as amusing as the last one), the Architect approached Jenny and Rose. “This restrained one is the culprit you spoke of, Doctor?”  
  
Rose gasped in shock. “Culprit?! I've only acted to return to the man I love!”  
  
“Silence! Your crimes against space and time are normally punishable by immediate execution. However, the Doctor and his wife have persuaded me to commute your sentence to life on the virtual reality prison world known to your language as Cyberia. Do not test my patience, or I will order the Judoon to execute you on the spot.”  
  
That got through to Rose's survival instincts. The ones that had allowed her to figure out what to say once she'd gotten herself _into_ a mess. Didn't necessarily get her out of it, but it kept her alive long enough to be rescued. Her heart screamed that it would be the case again, and she turned to face the man who couldn't possibly be behind this. “Doctor,” she whimpered, “how can you let this happen?”  
  
“Let it happen?” None of the companions could remember ever hearing his voice be that devoid of the wild emotions they were used to seeing. So flat, so... disappointed. It wasn't the coldest they'd ever heard, but it wasn't encouraging. Nor could anyone remember ever seeing such coldness in his eyes when _not_ speaking to an enemy.  
  
Which made Donna, Martha, Sarah Jane, Mickey, and Jack flinch hard. It signaled a big change in how the Doctor viewed Rose Tyler. This, they all knew, could get very ugly for everyone...  
  
“Handy” grimaced, shuddering on the inside. This was definitely not something the Doctor could have predicted. Did Romana think this was necessary, he wondered, or did she not see it coming? He had the sinking feeling it was more likely the former; she just might have created the Belt in anticipation of Rose Tyler... just to keep her Doctor's hearts pure for Donna. And not spared an ounce of compassion for the human girl's well-being.  
  
He'd forgotten that Romana, for all her goodness and sense of justice, could be as nasty as any of the Time-Lords when the mood hit her...  
  
The Doctor walked right up to Rose – slowly, like his feet were lead weights – and stopped out of arm's reach, just in case. He frowned at her. “The only thing I let happen was allowing you to think you were a grown woman when you were still a girl – even when you factor in the prolonged adolescence typical of twenty-first Century Earth.” His frown deepened as he considered that aspect. “ _Really_ bad idea, encouraging shorter-lived peoples to let their progeny remain in a child-like mindset for so long. Everyone needs clear-cut boundaries and rules to make the change from childhood to adulthood-”  
  
Nearly everyone was puzzled when he suddenly stopped, as if shocked. His eyes flew to Donna, who was looking impatient and merely raised her eyebrows. He flinched. “Right, unnecessary tangent.” He cleared his throat, and resumed his earlier train of thought.  
  
“I've realized,” he continued, sadly, “that you had consistently shown yourself to be rather selfish, and sometimes encouraged my worst traits. It's probably what _really_ got us banned by Queen Victoria. But hear this: I offered you the chance to travel with me because I was lonely and felt that I had no friends. But I quickly knew that you would _never_ be more than that to me.”  
  
He didn't allow her the opportunity to do more than gasp on an anguished moan. “There were a number of times when I _should_ have dumped you back on Earth, but I was too scared of being alone again. Later I also worried about how it might hurt Mickey and your mum.” He sighed deeply. “Now I see that that pain would be preferred to what they're going through now – and what they will go through. Maybe I should never have burned that sun to say good-bye; you might not have become so determined to find a way back.”  
  
He frowned again, shaking his head. “But, then again, you rarely did the smart thing, so it might have made no difference. In any case, you've caused such harm to the universe that you _have_ to be punished. I'm not rescuing you this time, Rose Tyler. You nearly caused the deaths of my wife and my daughters. I was ready to let the Judoon execute you because of that...”  
  
Jackie and Jack gasped, and Mickey sucked in a breath. No one – not even Jenny, who'd never seen her dad act _that_ angry – was sure they were ready to hear the rest.  
  
Yet his eyes softened just a bit. “But Donna stopped me. She has so much compassion in general, and especially for me, that she wouldn't let me use her or the girls as an excuse to do something I _might_ one day feel guilty over. And she reminded me that it wouldn't be fair to the three people here who do love you – even though you didn't treat them right.”  
  
Seeing no point in going over Rose's mistakes any further, especially when there was one more critical thing to do, the Doctor finished, “Don't fight this any further, or I can't promise that you'll live. The Architect has agreed to let whoever wants to say brief goodbyes. We need to leave soon to destroy that Cannon of yours, and get your mum back to your brother. I only hope you can find peace one day, Rose Tyler, because I can no longer wish you well.” He didn't bother with any further goodbyes. Just walked away, and took Donna's hand as she met him, entering the TARDIS together.  
  
Some time later, Lee closed the TARDIS doors behind everyone. He would never again think that the pain of realizing the world he'd thought was real was a fake was the worst thing that could shatter a person's conceptions, their sense of well-being.  
  
Jack, Mickey, and Jackie were clutching each other, sobbing – although none as hard as Jackie was. Two blamed themselves for not fighting Rose harder, and the third cursed himself for not being a sufficient distraction for Rose.  
  
Sarah Jane collapsed into the Jump Seat, one hand over her heart and the other clutching the chair. She mourned not thinking of some way that the Doctor could have peacefully let Rose go after that one day... No wonder he was so miserable, she thought. It's the worst end for any of his companions...  
  
Martha leaned against the railing, never having known such a feeling of numbness. She wondered if she had been too harsh with some of her words; the Doctor'd had a worse time of it than she'd ever thought possible... Poor Doctor... and... poor Rose... No one deserves that...  
  
“Handy,” who'd obtained the Vortex manipulators from Mickey and Jackie, attached them to the Console so they could make their way directly to the Dimension Cannon in Pete's World. He keenly felt the loss of potential, the lost opportunities for that one companion to grow up... but he also knew that he had to not dwell on them if he was to help his “brother” move past the inevitable guilt from this mess. Donna's influence was proving quite useful...  
  
Jenny helped her uncle-brother prepare for their next stop. Her own actions were stiff as she used her military training to push herself through what had to be done. She now had a much better appreciation for her dad's burdens, for the complexities that each situation held, and vowed to try to carry some of the weight for him.  
  
She also wondered where he and Mum were, but TARDIS hinted that they should start the journey without them. She now knew just enough of the universe to read between the lines, and decided – given the circumstances – that she wouldn't begrudge her father for seeking out her mum for a comfort shag.  
  
  
  
[Chapter 18: Touches of Gray on the Happiest Day](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/5846.html)

  


  



	19. The Belted Doctor, Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an amusing chapter to write, and a welcome return to the lighter notes of the earlier parts of the story. And an even more welcome departure from... other aspects of the story. You gotta love an embarrassed Doctor, don't ya?

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Chapter 18  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/)  , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

  
  
**Author's Note:** This was an amusing chapter to write, and a welcome return to the lighter notes of the earlier parts of the story. And an even more welcome departure from... other aspects of the story. You gotta love an embarrassed Doctor, don't ya?  
  


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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: TOUCHES OF GRAY ON THE HAPPIEST DAY  
  
The Doctor wasn't kidding when he said he was rubbish at weddings. None of them had ever gone quite the way they were planned, and it didn't matter whose wedding it was. It was the _worst_ at his own. Which made him _really_ nervous about the Earth wedding that he had – reluctantly – agreed to. He had all sorts of nightmares about various enemies showing up and having to save the world – yet again – and possibly losing his girls for good.  
  
The worst part was how almost each one of his companions found _at least_ one aspect of his behavior worth laughing at. Martha called his energetic pacing “frantic” and – with a big grin – spoke of finding a ball and chain to keep him tethered to the ground. (She even pulled out her smart-phone to look up the heaviest elements currently known to humans.) Sarah Jane was shaking her head with that affectionate look that only a maternal instinct gave a person as she adjusted his tie (he had given in and gotten a new tux; didn't want to chance that his old one really _was_ jinxed) for the fifth time, cautioning him to not tempt Donna to strangle him by freaking out. Jenny had never seen her dad act anything like this, and was laughing herself silly over everything – apparently making wearing a fancy dress okay.  
  
The men were worse... _much_ worse. Mickey was even more amused than Jenny, although he managed to suppress it down to snickering as the ceremony approached – but didn't really bother to hold it in at the reception. (Made the amusement over “Mrs. and the Ex” seem like child's entertainment.) The Brig almost completely embarrassed him by reminiscing about all sorts of adventures that the Doctor really wasn't sure he wanted certain people hearing. Especially Jack... _That_ man had been smirking up a storm watching the pacing, clearly storing witticisms for future teasing. Ianto and Owen were mostly just fascinated by what they clearly considered alien behavior, although they each asked Jack to enlighten them on why this was so humorous.  
  
The Doctor knew that it'd be useless to pray that he would be nowhere nearby to hear the explanation... And it came true as he overheard Jack describing their first meeting, and what his last self had been like. At least the stories Jack did have weren't _horrendously_ embarrassing. And not that he was easily embarrassed; he just preferred to keep some things private.  
  
And only part of it had to do with having a different perspective from having centuries more experience than nearly everyone else in the room. Jack's being older didn't really count; he shouldn't exist as he was anyway. He had seemed odd to the Doctor before, but now he was just plain wrong... Time-sense wise, that is... Never mind the... _extraordinary_ flexibility with regards to what Jack found attractive...  
  
The other members of Torchwood, if he'd mentioned that, would have enlightened him about an old... friend... of Jack's whose tastes ran even more extreme. Jack, at least, had never expressed interest in a _French Poodle_...  
  
The only exceptions were Lee and “Handy,” who'd begun going by the name “James” around others. (The two Doctors had decided it was too much for them to both use the human name “John.” Besides, Donna would've had more than a few things to say about it... The name “Jonathon” had been bandied about until Lee mentioned that it invited jokes about “Jonathon Swift.” The Doctors had mixed feelings about that, for reasons only Donna would ever know. “James” was as much an admission that “Handy” really didn't care for any of the other names suggested; Donna had proposed some... unusual ones, and he'd vetoed them flat-out.) Lee, partly motivated by keeping on the Doctor's good side and partly because he wasn't the teasing type, had done his best to keep the others at bay – which was hard enough without a stammer added to the mix. And “Handy,” sharing all of the memories that were making the Doctor nervous, used his human side to figure out a few phrases to calm his “brother” down from multiple near panic attacks.  
  
However, it got so bad that “Handy” decided to take the TARDIS into the Vortex. Maybe, his reasoning went, he could draw trouble away from the wedding. The Doctor reluctantly agreed, with the small comfort of knowing that his double wasn't alone, for their companion from Pete's World was with him.  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Donna was forcing herself to remain calm. She saw no point in adding stress to the occasion when she knew her husband would be frantic enough for the both of them, and worrying couldn't be good for River. God knows, she thought, I'll be doing enough of that as she grows up...  
  
Sylvia had surprised her by being a rock in keeping things moving along, and keeping the simple plans on track. Donna suspected that part of it had to do with the attention that her mum was giving to their newest addition, and the implications that followed, but she wasn't going to complain. Besides, she was starting to accept the Doctor as part of the family, so she wasn't about to rock _that_ boat.  
  
When they had arrived on Pete's World, Donna had taken charge of helping Jackie explain the consequences of using the Cannon – especially Rose's fate – to Pete Tyler himself. The man might not have been her father, but he'd come to love her as though he'd been there all along, so grief hit him hard. But he was wise enough to understand that the Cannon _had_ to be destroyed, and knew that he would never have gotten through to Rose. “My job now,” he'd whispered, “is to help Jacks accept that.”  
  
“Handy” and Jenny had divided the tasks among the companions, which meant that the Cannon was defunct within a few minutes – which was good since they didn't have much time before they needed to close the gaps between the worlds. But as Mickey was saying his goodbyes to Pete and Jackie, someone else came up to announce that she was quitting her job.  
  
The very sight of an alternate Donna Noble was enough of a shock to the Doctor and his family, but seeing how frightfully thin she was took away their ability to speak. Listening to Pete apologize for Rose's treatment of her and a plea that she reconsider, and then the listless negative answer, told them that they were looking at a woman who felt she had no reason left to live.  
  
Which, sadly, proved that even the most magnificent person could be completely brought down if the hits kept coming...  
  
It had been “Handy,” oddly enough, who broke the family's silence and approached. Donna hadn't been surprised by the absolute shock and fright on her counterpart's face – though she wondered how close it was to her own reaction that fateful Christmas-time. She supposed that the relative suddenness of actually feeling emotions again was why – especially as “Handy” stunned everyone by suggesting that she come with them – it took the other Donna a few moments longer than _she_ did to recoil into a slap.  
  
“Handy” shouldn't have been surprised by it, but he was, and it was more comical than Donna would ever admit. She also wasn't surprised to see the Doctor rubbing his left cheek in wincing remembrance. Things were going poorly, and she had to step in – because, not only did they not have much time, she just knew that this woman before them was virtually suicidal – and finally persuaded her with, “What have you got to lose by coming with us?”  
  
Although three faces all grinned fondly when the woman's first words after stepping into the TARDIS, once she was able to speak again, were, “This... is... _completely_... impossible!”  
  
To which “Handy” had answered, “Nah, just a bit... unlikely.” The Doctor, Donna, and Martha just rolled their eyes.  
  
So she had spent the past few weeks almost completely on Earth, where Sylvia and Wilf had been focused on helping her adjust to their world. “Handy” surprised the whole family by hanging around a lot to explain the crazier aspects of the family life – and because he was, to hear him tell it, “Uniquely qualified to help with being a double.”  
  
Donna, as she got ready for the ceremony, smirked at the memory of the Doctor pulling “Handy” aside early on to grill him about his intentions. The Doctor had been all worried about the influence of his own feelings given how “Handy” came to be, and that Donna Belle (the “sisters” had quickly decided the newcomer would also go by a nickname for Isabelle, their shared middle name) could get hurt if he overemphasized anything. “Handy” had been incensed and loudly protested that he was being helpful since the Doctor and Donna would be focusing more on getting the former through the wedding.  
  
It had thoroughly distracted the Doctor, and possibly contributed to the stories she was hearing from a laughing Jenny. Although, Donna thought, I wonder if we're about to witness a variation on what _might_ have happened had the Belt not been in the way... Really, if I could come to be in love with a man I used to call a long alien streak of nothing, then anything's possible. Never mind the rest of what's happened to me...  
  
If anything, her suspicions got stronger when “Handy” stopped by with his own report on the Doctor's latest hissy fit, and – upon noticing how nervous Donna Belle was becoming over witnessing her “twin's” wedding when the pain was raw again – suggested taking their new family member for a trip. Oh, she saw the benefits to it. She just couldn't help but also wonder what it said about the future...  
  
  
  
  
The Doctor couldn't believe the lack of eventfulness of the day as he sat down in his in-laws' home. The day was almost over, and not one simple plan had gone off track. “Did I just make it through my own wedding and nothing major went wrong? Not even anything minor...?”  
  
Donna lightly swatted his arm as she sat next to him. “The day's not over yet, Prawn.”  
  
“I didn't say that I believed it,” he protested. “I've learned my lesson from... Midnight.” He could say that planet's name with some calmness because that very evening was the best of his life.  
  
Jenny smirked. If he's acting calm, she thought, then I can poke fun at him. “Nothing, you say? How about you nearly stumbling over your vows, how many times you blushed when someone told a story, barely managing to dance, and then interrupting some of my dances?”  
  
The Doctor was indignant. “You actually danced with Jack! I thought you knew better!”  
  
His daughter shrugged, and raised her left eyebrow briefly – in a perfect impression of her dad. “I've... learned to tolerate him, and he's learned to keep the flirting to a bare minimum around me. I get now that flirting to him is like breathing to the rest of us. Besides, I wanted to hear about how you two met.” She looked at him thoughtfully. “What happened to those dancing abilities your last self had?”  
  
Sylvia and Wilf watched with considerable fascination. Here was a father-daughter dynamic that never failed to amuse. The poor alien might have been a father before, they thought, but he'd never dealt with suddenly having a grown daughter – who had practically absorbed her adoptive mother's traits. Especially one who could give as good as he could – if not better, at times.  
  
He scowled. “Oh, you can't count on everything passing from one regeneration to the next! I've lost more abilities than you've had a chance to gain!”  
  
Donna burst into laughter. “So you admit to forgetting things?”  
  
He sighed. “I never said I was perfect!”  
  
“No, but you always act so matter-of-fact when you talk about something being 'bigger on the inside.'” Donna gave her own smirk. “If you ask me, you keep forgetting that you're just a bloke who happens to be an alien with a time-traveling box.”  
  
The Doctor sighed. He knew that his ability to win arguments had greatly decreased – when he was dealing with his girls. Thank Rasillon that it's more about bickering than arguing. But if I have to argue with anyone, Donna's mere presence – along with her reputation as the DoctorDonna – should be a deterrent. Still, he had to look to Wilf. “Do you _ever_ get the last word in?”  
  
His new grandfather just laughed. “I haven't won an argument since before my wife had Sylvia. Get used to taking a bunch of hits for the sake of the team, Doctor.”  
  
Donna's grin turned more teasing as she pat him on the arm and added, wickedly, “Although I'm sure you will be right... on occasion.”  
  
That might be all he could hope for. Still, he wasn't arguing with the life he could now call his own. Far cry from what he'd been expecting since before he fled Gallifrey to explore the universe. He'd had Susan then, but a true partnership had always been out of his reach. Until Donna Noble.  
  
He sighed, looking at his wife's dress and being reminded of another day. “Still can't believe you wanted to reuse that dress. Thought you'd gotten rid of it since you nearly died.”  
  
Donna just hugged him tightly from the side. “Still, if I hadn't been the one Lance chose, then I'd still be that shallow woman with nothing going for her. Like I said in my vows, you opened my eyes to life and the universe – making me a better woman. This was about us coming full circle.”  
  
The Doctor blushed as much as he had when she'd spoken the extended version of that as part of her vows. “I just happened to be the one who showed you what you could do.”  
  
She shook her head. “But who else would have treated me so well after I'd been quite rude out of fear? Who else ever went to such extremes just to make me smile – even after I'd turned down his offer to travel – twice? No, Love, it had to be you.”  
  
His eyes suddenly had a softness in them that even melted Sylvia's heart. His memories went back to “With this ring, I thee biodamp” and really saw just much they _had_ come full circle. Not going to cry, he told himself as he couldn't stop looking into his wife's loving eyes, not going to cry...  
  
  
  
  
Outside, two people walked toward the Noble home. He had his left arm wrapped protectively around her, and she was clutching both him and his free hand, shaking from the memory of their day. She was completely pale and shivering from the inside out. He was deeply worried about her – although he hadn't been pleased by the unpleasant surprise that originated from a few years ago, back in his progenitor's time-line.  
  
“I'm so sorry, Donna Belle,” James “Handy” Smith told his companion, “that it had to be _them_.”  
  
She swallowed, trying to find the right words. “I thought I'd never actually see a reminder of that day,” she whispered. “It was awful.”  
  
He nodded, remembering that day when Donna and the Doctor met. How each had confounded the other, and the situation made things worse. “You know, I am very proud for you.”  
  
She frowned. “ _For_ me?”  
  
He stopped to make her look at him, and spoke softly. “You were scared out of your mind, seeing the very enemies that took everyone you loved from you, and yet you helped save all those children. You helped save London. Few people have the courage to keep going in the face of their greatest terrors. That was all your fierce determination, your dignity in the face of adversity.”  
  
Donna Belle looked into the warm eyes of a man who held the legacies of two people – two different worlds – within his mind and blood. Who hadn't been thrown by her fear or her grief. Who wasn't trying to coddle her, or who accidentally reminded her that she was from another world. Who just accepted her as she was, and tried his best just to make her smile. What woman couldn't be grateful?  
  
Even if he was a skinny bloke with alien blood. But hey, her new sister had rebounded from betrayal of the worst kind. Donna Belle was finally believing that she could move on, that it was okay to be alive even when those you love die.  
  
Maybe, she thought as they walked up to knock on the door, it even was possible to love again...  
  
  
[Epilogue: Last Gifts](http://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/5990.html)

  



	20. The Belted Doctor, Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so this is the end of the Belt challenge that [](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/profile)[bas_math_girl](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/)</lj> and I issued to each other. For the answers raised by this and a few earlier chapters, please look for “Legacy,” the missing scene from this story. It'll be listed on FF.N under the characters Wilf and Jenny, because they will be the driving forces behind it.

**Title:** The Belted Doctor, Epilogue  
  
 **Author:** [](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/profile)[**tkel_paris**](https://tkel-paris.livejournal.com/) , aka KendraC  
  
  
 **Rating** : High T, borderline M for ( _very_ ) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

  
**Summary:** A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?  
  


**Disclaimer:** Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

  
  
  
Author's Note: And so this is the end of the Belt challenge that [](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/profile)[**bas_math_girl**](https://bas-math-girl.livejournal.com/)</lj> and I issued to each other. For the answers raised by this and a few earlier chapters, please look for “Legacy,” the missing scene from this story. It'll be listed on FF.N under the characters Wilf and Jenny, because they will be the driving forces behind it.

(sighs) My first Who baby is complete... It's been an interesting ride learning the very basics of a new fandom, but I'm not done yet. After posting “Legacy,” my next fic will be inspired by the upcoming production of “Much Ado About Nothing.” Can't you hear the Doctor/Donna fans squeeing...? Or the Muses getting into gear...?  


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EPILOGUE: LAST GIFTS  
  
A blonde infant crawled her way out of the nursery toward the Console Room. All of the shiny things her parents used to take them to all sorts of fun places! Everyday she wanted to touch! To go somewhere of her choosing!  
  
Not today, though. She needed to tell them something. So focused, she didn't see the shadow of another blond appear in the doorway.  
  
“Flumena Abigail Noble!” Uh, oh! Big sister saw her... Better stay still...  
  
Footsteps hurried over, and Jenny scooped her into her arms. “We just adjusted that crib yesterday,” she grumbled aloud, pushing her loose hair (with the front held back in a manner that Donna often favored) away from her eyes. “You shouldn't have been able to escape again!”  
  
The future River Song, named slightly differently because her parents were concerned that someone might target her before she could protect herself, looked into her sister's eyes. “Dah-dis elpd.”  
  
A loud groan came from the Console Room. James slowly walked into view, shaking his head and rubbing the back of his neck. He looked up at the ceiling in disgust. “Why are you helping her? It just causes us more headaches!”  
  
TARDIS sounded sorry, but her words didn't calm anyone. _The poor dear had a nightmare that's connected to what's happening on Earth. She needed to tell you something, and you were all distracted._  
  
That snapped everyone's head up. Even Donna Belle, who was sitting on the Jump Seat and being attended to by Sylvia for a nausea attack. An attack that had convinced the Doctor that the words coming through the Psychic Paper might be true.  
  
They were all visiting Sylvia and Donna Belle. Wilf had gone off somewhere after mentioning a nightmare – although Sylvia knew nothing about the details. Just that it had frightened Wilf into visiting a church he'd never gone to before. The Doctor recognized the name, having once been there and saving the nuns there – several centuries ago in Earth-time.  
  
Then he got the sense that someone was contacting him. He whipped out the Psychic Paper, and found a message: _Get the family off Earth now. I'll look after Wilf._  
  
His shock, and umbrage, was obvious to everyone – except the sleeping Flumena. Who dared to tell him what to do – if their name wasn't Donna Noble?!  
  
More came through: _I didn't believe it when I got this message, ____, but I did when I realized that Donna Belle_ was _pregnant._  
  
The combined sight of _his_ _own_ name and the assertion had him reeling. A quick scan with the Sonic Screwdriver (over the loud protests of “What are you doing, Spaceman?!) confirmed the Paper's claim – after Donna Belle had suddenly thrown up for no obvious reason.  
  
He promptly rushed everyone – including Donna's dog – into the TARDIS, and sent it to the Moon. Safe enough, he hoped, from whatever was happening and yet close enough to keep tabs. Though he hated having to stand by and let something awful happen – especially if he couldn't see why _he_ couldn't do the saving.  
  
The bond hadn't hid any of his reaction, or the message, from his Donna. She'd wondered, _Who could possibly be sending the message? An older River? A future one of us?_  
  
He'd sighed as they fiddled with the controls, having just informed the expectant parents. Only the shared joy – seeping through the mutual shock – had stopped the Doctor from giving his “brother” a slap upside the head on general principle. Sylvia, evidently, had been practically expecting something like this, so James was safe from her – for now. _River had clearly never used my name before that moment in the Library. She hated having to do it, I can see that now. No, it... It has to be a future me._  
  
That had shocked her. _What could draw the you in the future to cross your own time-line?_  
  
 _Something very bad_ , he told her. _And it might kill him... Especially if it's me... after you're gone..._  
  
It was the one thing they tried to avoid thinking about. Donna was still human, even if having his children was clearly changing her biology to bear Time-Lords and her brain to adjust to the Time-Lord consciousness. Which meant that one day – which they prayed was a long ways off – she would die and leave him. The fractured bond would leave a gaping whole in his psyche, and he'd heard of bonded Gallifreyans rapidly using up any remaining regenerations because the pain was too great to deal with.  
  
So Donna was doing everything she could think of to give him reasons to go on. She made sure she was ready to have all those children hinted at in the limerick, that she would keep their bedroom... lively... or whatever state their moods dictated. Anything for her Doctor...  
  
Which also meant keeping their children as in the dark as possible for as long as possible; no need to unnecessarily worry them. So they'd put little Flumena into her playpen so they could think. And, obviously, they needed to chat with the TARDIS about letting her out practically every time... They had a feeling their daughter would be an escape artist as an adult.  
  
The Doctor sighed loudly. “Bring her over here.” Jenny was relieved to do so, and once she did, he cradled the baby in his arms. “It's all right, little love,” he soothed. “We'll figure this out.”  
  
Flumena shook her head. “Na u. Na us.”  
  
He frowned, and decided to take a step he hadn't wanted to take with any child of his at this age. He touched his free fingers to specific points on River's head. He closed his eyes and said, “Show me your bad dream, sweetheart.”  
  
She closed her eyes, trying to remember the scary images. And was very puzzled when her father suddenly cut the connection once he saw the man whose face was strangely on every person.  
  
Oh, Rassilon, not this! He had to hand the baby off to Lee, who was the only person not doing something at that moment, and go check the readings. Jenny beat him to voicing the horrible reality. “Dad, the life-signs on Earth are all wrong! It's like there's over six billion of the same life-sign!”  
  
He blurted it out: “Because the Master has somehow returned!”  
  
Only James and Donna reacted with the appropriate horror. Sylvia broke the silence almost immediately, demanding to know, “Who's the Master?”  
  
The Doctor promptly answered, “A Time-Lord who's been causing me headaches and grief for a long time. Who I once considered my friend. He's tried taking over worlds, including Earth and even Gallifrey. I'd thought he'd died during the Time-War.”  
  
“Until,” Donna picked up the thread, “about two years ago. The Master came to Earth as Harold Saxon.”  
  
Sylvia gasped. She remembered wondering how that man had died, and where he'd come from. “What happened?”  
  
To let the Doctor and James think, Donna managed a summary of The Year That Never Was, and that awful time where the Master had the TARDIS. Lee was also alarmed by the whole story, and by the evident disagreement over what could be done since the Master effectively controlled the entire planet.  
  
Including an arsenal of weapons that could destroy the TARDIS if they weren't careful...  
  
So hearing the TARDIS phone ring was a shock. No one wanted to answer it; the odds of it being someone other than the Master seemed dim. Donna made herself look at the screen, and felt a glimmer of hope. She pressed for speakerphone, and tried for levity. “Time Lords, Inc.”  
  
Before anyone could roll their eyes, an exasperated groan came through the phone. “Where the hell are you?!” The American accent was never more welcome than that moment.  
  
“Jack!” More than one voice exclaimed in relief. Donna asked, “Are you all right?”  
  
“Oh,” came a rather sharp retort, “I'm fine. My team, however, isn't. Had to knock them all unconscious when they suddenly all got the same face. Only person missing is Mickey, who agreed to help monitor what I think is behind all of this.” He quickly explained how a Joshua Naismith had put enormous pressure on Torchwood to let him develop one of the technologies they'd acquired. Jack and his team wouldn't have – except the potential for medical advances had generated other peoples' interest, and the mess with the 456 had nearly destroyed Torchwood Cardiff. Which had forced them to empty some of their stash and give in to Naismith's demands, which hadn't pleased any of them. So Jack felt some major responsibility about the situation. Then he demanded, “Doctor, how the hell can the Master be alive? I saw his body destroyed after he chose to not regenerate.”  
  
The Doctor sighed loudly. He launched into a rant that – to Donna's ears – amounted to how he knew basically nothing, and about the message from what he thought was his future. The resulting debate involved him, Jack, and James going back and forth on options.  
  
None of which, Donna knew, could work; they didn't know enough and the stakes were too high. She shared an annoyed look with her mother, sister, and elder daughter, rolling her eyes at the male immaturity on rampant display.  
  
Naturally, the Doctor sensed her thoughts, and protested. “Oi! We're not whining!”  
  
“No,” Donna Belle shot back, “but you are acting like teenagers with that posturing! Pull yourselves together before I pull myself off this seat and slap all of you!”  
  
Before any of the men could protest, the alarms went off. Jenny was closest to the readouts, and her jaw dropped. “Oh, my God... That's completely impossible...”  
  
James looked at her screen, and his own jaw dropped in horror. “But that's... that's Gallifrey!”  
  
An image of the Doctor's home-world was displayed by holographic display for everyone to see. The famous planet was appearing in the sky above Earth. Jenny nearly shouted. “How the hell could he pull an _entire world_ out of the Time-Lock?!”  
  
“That crack!” James' part-human mind was putting pieces together. “The one left from the mess with the planets! It must have allowed a two-way connection between the Master and Gallifrey.”  
  
The Doctor shook his head. “You'd need something to facilitate the connection. Something to power some engine to draw Gallifrey out.”  
  
Donna, checking another set of readings, saw the answer. “What about a gem only found on Gallifrey? Something like that appeared in the sky a little bit ago, and fell to Earth.”  
  
When the Doctor saw that scan, another rapid discussion started. This time, Donna and Jenny participated as much – although trying to keep the ideas within some reasonable boundaries.  
  
They were at it for a while, until a scream came out of nowhere, from a voice the Doctor hadn't heard in a long time: “Falling! Gallifrey falls!”  
  
“The Visionary,” he breathed as the hologram showed Gallifrey slowly disappearing from view – the reverse of how it appeared. It still hurt to see his home-world be destroyed, hurt to not be able to walk on it one last time, but what other option was there...?  
  
Donna felt a huge weight come off everyone's shoulders, even as she saw and felt the renewed grief from the Doctor and James. “The Time-Lock is re-establishing itself. The crack will be sealed, never to open again.” Then she noticed the readings. “And whatever the Master did to Earth has been undone. Human life-signs are back!” She looked up in joy. “Whatever... he... did worked!”  
  
The occupants cheered and exclaimed their relief. Especially since the readings were suggesting that it was all over, that Earth was safe. Though TARDIS said they should wait a bit longer before going back.  
  
Once the ship was willing to cooperate (which took a lot longer than anyone expected), they landed just outside the Noble home. Sylvia heaved the biggest sigh of relief upon walking on Terra Firma again, though she looked around as much as anyone at the people checking each other and yammering about a horrible living nightmare. “How are we going to explain this one,” she asked. “This isn't going to involve a cover-up, will it?”  
  
Donna sighed. “I don't know if Earth is ready to deal with this kind event. Might need Sarah Jane and Torchwood Cardiff to put out some cover story”  
  
Anything else that might've been said was cut off as Wilf slowly exited the front door. His girls immediately swarmed him to check on him, leaving the three TARDIS men by the ship. Although they quickly noted how Wilf took extra time to clutch Jenny and then Flumena – and how he also looked into the former's eyes and murmured, “My brave little soldier.”  
  
When the men reached them, Wilf pulled the Doctor into a tight hug – startling him to no end. It only confirmed his growing suspicion: that Wilf witnessed his final moments (whether this regeneration's, or the final one's), and an older Jenny – who was presumably a widow by then – had been there. Maybe River was there, too. So Carmen was right; his song had ended, and yet he had a long life still ahead of him. He deliberately didn't ask any questions; the less he knew about his future, the better – so he shut his mind off to trying to read anyone's thoughts, except for Donna.  
  
He'd had enough of spoilers for his future when he _first_ met River, thank you _very_ much...  
  
  
  
  
Another wedding, but not his own – never again.  
  
The Doctor hadn't realized just how close his brother and his wife's sister had grown, even with the news of a baby, but he hadn't expected to see James follow in his footsteps and take on the title of Mr. Donna Noble. Sure, the two been brilliant in stopping the 456, and saving Jack's grandson. Though the Doctor still wondered whether anyone with so much of himself in them could stand staying on Earth for such an extended time.  
  
Emotions were much more complicated than I'd thought, he realized, and I clearly _still_ know next to nothing about them. Thank Rassilon that I have my own Donna to steer me right... and explain how James could be turning out so differently from the both of us...  
  
This time, he handled the unease about his past by keeping his senses on alert for threats. Which he'd been unable to do last time. Why the Universe decided to make this a calm day for him and his family, he'd never know. He wasn't going to argue over it, but it baffled him nonetheless.  
  
Still, a few images would stand out from this day. The sight of Donna Belle looking not only radiant but at peace (despite the continued gravity to her joy which made it easier for others to tell her and Donna apart) in her wedding gown – which was cut to conceal the rapidly growing baby bump caused by twins. (The Doctor was _so_ looking forward to watching his twin deal with fatherhood...) Flumena actually acting like the angel she looked like while held by various people. Donna expertly guiding everyone through their parts, herself glowing with recently discovered knowledge...  
  
And of course, Wilf handing Donna Belle an envelope, with a wistful smile. “Let's just say,” he'd said, “that the future reached to your dad for help with this one.” Once it was revealed as a lottery ticket, the Doctor and Donna _knew_ that his future self had been the one to borrow a quid off Donna's late father, and had gifted a guaranteed winner. Knowing how Donna had always regretted not being able to set aside money for Wilf's care, it was incredibly thoughtful to reduce one worry.  
  
Although, had that changed the... past? The future? Or was it always part of his time-line?  
  
They'd never know. But he was sure that his final self had been busy. The man who'd saved Luke from his own teenage stupidity, and Martha and Mickey from a Sontaran, _had_ to be the thirteenth him. How else would that man have known the people he'd helped, or known when they needed saving? He wouldn't, couldn't leave his friends behind after Donna's influence...  
  
Though the Doctor would never again tempt fate by asking questions that might as well be famous last words, he couldn't help but sigh in relief as he caught Donna in a moment between directing people just after the ceremony. And voice a growing worry as he pulled her into his arms from behind. “Please promise you'll talk our children into having small weddings,” he whispered. “I can't stomach the thought of going through anything massive again.”  
  
Donna snickered, taking his hands in hers nonetheless. “You should know by now that any kid of ours will be fiercely independent by that point. Besides,” she added sweetly, turning her head to meet his eyes, “what happens when you actually make plans, Sunshine?”  
  
He tried to scowl, but it didn't last longer than a few seconds. “Thanks for the reminder.” He took the sting she might feel out by moving their entwined hands to over her still mostly flat belly. “You are okay with having another one so soon? It doesn't feel like we're...” he had to recall her phrase from finding out about Romana's limerick “...rodents...?”  
  
“Nah,” she said, after reflecting on the question for a few moments. “More like... bunnies. That's close enough to multiplying. Trust me: we'll be fine together with this crazy, twisted relationships family we have. Even if we have a zoo to look after.”  
  
He thought the zoo analogy might be frighteningly appropriate given the people who made up their extended family... Not that he had anything to complain about; there were only certain type of slaps he _wanted_ to receive...  
  
“Besides,” she added, turning in his arms, “I want to give you as many reasons to be happy as possible. And although I hear children are the most difficult things that ever happen to you, they're also the most amazing. So even if I keep having to stay on the TARDIS while you're off saving some world, I'll live. After all, I know Jenny will likely be with you, and – being female and having imprinted on me – she's automatically more sensible than you are.”  
  
The Doctor groaned with a closed mouth, but pulled her into a hug and kiss nonetheless. When Donna's insults had become something he couldn't imagine living without, he'd never be able to say. But he was perfectly content to be a verbal punching bag when necessary.  
  
Yep, he thought, Jack can call me whipped if he wants. I think the man can't believe I got so lucky...  
  
As though his thoughts had power, Jack's voice floated over. “Come on, you two. Only couple allowed to publicly canoodle today is the newlyweds.”  
  
Donna broke the kiss,tilting her forehead against her husband's, and laughed. “Oh, that's rich coming from you, Jack! Don't think I didn't see you snog Ianto at my wedding!”  
  
The Doctor didn't need to open his eyes; he could _hear_ the answering smirk. “That's different.”  
  
He also could feel Donna rolling her eyes. “Of course, because you're involved. That's like when my husband claims it's only okay for _him_ to talk bullocks. Which he does speak fluently, mind you.”  
  
The Doctor laughed. He'd stop the debate soon, but it was just one more reminder of his new normal. And he didn't mind it at all...  
  
Though he would have to find out what had made Jenny, Sylvia, and Donna Belle suddenly burst out laughing, and Wilf groan in obvious embarrassment. That sounded entertaining...

THE END


End file.
